If you had told me when I was pregnant that having a baby would affect me mentally as much as it is, I wouldn't have listened to you. In fact, I'm fairly certain someone did try to tell me, but I just let it fly in one ear and out the other. But now, I get it.
I thought it would get better with time; as Tye grew up, I was sure I'd learn how to remember all those details (When was did she pee last? When was she fed last? Is her shirt wet with drool yet, and is it making her cold? When was her last poop?) and still carry on a real, invested conversation. Instead, I've become the person who doesn't remember to thank someone; who forgets best friends' birthdays; who doesn't realize she's out of toilet paper until she's out of toilet paper. Who is this woman? Seriously.
No matter how important something is to me, be it a conversation or an event, I always have something else running through my mind- honestly, usually several things. I can be talking with someone I love dearly about something very important, but I can't engage in the conversation as fully as I once did, and that kills me. I want to be able to give my 100% attention to the topic, but it's just a matter of seconds before that voice in my head asks what Tye is chewing on at the moment or starts announcing the countdown to Tye's next pee break. For the first time in my life, I know what my ADHD husband has lived with his whole life.
So, Friends, please know that I love you all as much as I always have, if not more now that you're putting up with me. Thank you for understanding when my lapse of mental functioning causes me to forget your birthday or to return your email.
And to all you more experienced moms out there- does it ever get better?