Tye's thoughts on coconut water

Ever wondered what breastmilk tastes like? According to Tye, it tastes like coconut water- so much so that she calls coconut water "milk" when requesting the cartons at corner bodegas. Just more evidence that breastmilk is sweet stuff.

Still Alive

Several weeks ago now (sheesh, time flies!), we had a wonderful trip to Illinois.  We spent time with my parents, with Tyler's parents, and with friends.  Then we came home and... Tye became sick.  Really sick.  

From Tuesday night through Saturday morning, Tye ran a fever between 102 and 105 degrees.  That's a long, hot fever.  When it finally broke, she still ran a low-grade fever until Monday, and wasn't herself until the end of the second week.  Tyler and Etta both ran a fever for one night as well, but Tye's little body was so exhausted from the trip- seeing so many people, moving between environments, sleeping very poorly the whole time- that this illness really took its toll on her, lasting over a week.  We did call the doctor on the third day of her fever, but couldn't be seen until the next day, and by then her fever was below 102 for the first time in four days, so we didn't think a trip would be helpful.

Perhaps the worst was seeing Tye so lethargic that she just laid in bed or on the couch.  She rarely even asked me to turn on the television- she just laid under a blanket, often shivering despite the heat her body was radiating.  One night, Tye woke up and just as I laid down next to her, threw up on me.  I changed both our pajamas and her sheets, then laid down with her again, just to have her throw up again within minutes.  Out of crib-sized sheets, she and I spent the remainder of the night on the couch together.

Seeing Tye so sick was really scary.  I was torn between wanting her to be as comfortable as possible and wanting to let the fever run its course to make Tye well again.  I consulted websites, books, and web forums to find ways to boost Tye's immune system and to ease her discomfort without giving continued doses of Tylenol (which Tye fought tooth and nail anyway).  Here's what we came up with:

- Breastfeeding.  Frequently.  I was so grateful to still be nursing Tye, because it was her main source of nutrition and hydration for almost a full week.  

-Peppermint Essential Oil.  Whenever Tye's fever spiked to over 104, I applied equal parts peppermint essential oil and coconut oil (about 3 drops of each) to the bottoms of her feet and up and down her spine since her torso felt so hot to the touch.  Each time, her fever was below 103 again within 20 minutes, which brought Tye a little relief.  Peppermint essential oil isn't suggested for use on children under the age of 2, so this was my first opportunity to try this technique, and it was really helpful.

-Lavender Essential Oil soaks.  I added 3-4 drops of lavender essential oil to a small bowl containing about 2 cups of cool water. (To help the oil disperse in the water, I mix the oil with a pinch of salt, then stir the salt into the water.)  Then I dipped a washcloth into the water, wrung it out, and placed the damp cloth on Tye's forehead.  If Tye had let me, I would have placed it on her chest, too, but I think the cool cloth felt too chilly on her hot skin to be comfortable. 

-Smoothies.  Occasionally throughout the week, Tye would drink smoothies.  Ours always include banana, coconut milk, fresh greens (spinach or kale, usually), fruit (mango and/or berries are our favorites), and a nut butter (I love tahini).  When Tye was sick, I was sure to include extra liquid vitamin D drops, raw local honey, and probiotic powder to give her immune system some extra support.  

To try to keep everyone else healthy, I diffused Young Living Thieves Essential Oil into the air.  When I felt the first signs of fighting this bug myself, I immediately started taking 2-3 cloves of raw garlic twice a day along with placing a drop of Thieves oil under my tongue 3-4 times a day.  I was able to fight off the fever, for which I was extremely grateful.  I couldn't imagine taking care of Etta and sick Tye while I was sick myself.  Even though it didn't keep Etta completely healthy, she only ran a fever for a few hours- and judging by Tye's response, it could have been far worse. 

Tye is fully recovered now, and we have the wisdom of lessons learned during her illness to carry with us.  Tye now understands the concept of being sick.  I have seen my child through her first illness more serious than a cold, and we all survived.  I can now say I've been thrown up on by my own child, and I now understand why parents keep multiple sets of crib sheets.  After seeing Tye so sick for so long and spending another week resting and recovering, we are fully appreciating our health and all it allows us to do each day.  

Like swing at the playground.

In tandem

 Tandem nursing isn't always easy.  I sometimes feel like I have someone attached to my boob morning, noon, and night (especially night).  But I absolutely think it makes parenting two, who are only 26 months apart, easier.  When both are grumpy, we can sit on the couch and everyone can cheer up together.  When both are tired, I can get everyone to sleep at once.  And there are plenty of moments like this that make it all so very worthwhile.  

Officially Etta

Etta's official documents arrived in the mail this week!  A year ago, I would have thought you were crazy if you had tried to tell me I would have a baby with a "City of New York" birth certificate.  I may have been equally surprised to know that the "home delivery" box would be checked.  Life is a crazy journey.

 

Even though Tye was born in a hospital, applying for and receiving her birth certificate and social security card was a months-long process that I only hurried along because we needed her own passport when she was several months old.  This time, our midwife sent in the paperwork for us and the documents arrived before Etta was seven weeks old.  Another unadvertised perk of homebirth with a midwife.


Along with her SS card, NYC sent a pamphlet titled "Your New Baby."  Alongside information on the importance of well-baby doctors visits, methods to soothe a baby and the importance of not shaking it, and the vital importance of window guards, was some really great information on breastfeeding, including a nursing mom's legal rights.  Apparently new moms can also call 311 to receive information on where to find help breastfeeding.  

 I especially love that according to NYC, you should "Breastfeed as long as you and your baby want- six months, 18 months- the longer the better."  Since many new moms haven't thought about the duration of their nursing relationship, this is a great introduction to natural-term breastfeeding.  Way to go, NYC.  Etta officially approves.

Breastfeeding

What my friends think I do

What society thinks I do

What the media thinks I do

What my babies think I do

What I think I do

What I really do

See some of the memes that inspired this one here.

Photo credit: hippy mama flasher positive mama mama cow Picasso mama

Third week update

Wednesday's appointment with the Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist (which feels like forever ago) went incredibly smoothly.  My dad was in town helping out, so he and Tye came with to the appointment and I was incredibly grateful to have someone watching Tye while I waited nervously in the waiting room.  The doctor to whom we were referred was excellent- he was friendly and caring and also knew exactly what a breastfed newborn needs for an efficient latch.  He clamped Etta's frenulum, then quickly snipped it and- perhaps the smartest move of the day- had me hold a piece of gauze and apply pressure over the cut for 90 seconds.  Giving me a task at that moment forced me to into action rather than sitting, watching Etta and worrying about her.  As I held the wad of gauze in place, Etta stopped crying and was ready to nurse after the 90 seconds were up.  At home that evening, Etta seemed to be a little uncomfortable, which was hard to watch, but she slept well and was fine the next day.


The doctor who performed the fenectomy told me we'll likely see slow, continued improvement in Etta's latch over the next three weeks rather than an immediate improvement that day.  Sure enough, Etta's latch seems to be slowly improving as she learns how to use her new tongue.  Her latch is very noticeably stronger now, and she often needs less assistance to get a good, deep latch, but she still isn't completely clearing the breast on her own at a feeding.  It's only been a few days, and Etta seems to be taking in less air when she nurses and has less gas, though both are still happening (then again, that just happens with some babies...).  When Etta cries, I still look into her mouth at her new tongue in amazement.  


I get to see that tongue fairly often.  Etta's disposition is very different than Tye's when she was a newborn.  While Tye slept all day, every day, and had to be roused for feedings, Etta rarely stays asleep for long periods of time and wants to nurse constantly (partly, perhaps, because she never gets all the milk out of my breasts).  Whereas Tye, in her sleepy state, barely cried and never screamed unless it was really a serious event, Etta will be sitting or sleeping peacefully one second, then screaming the next.  I'm very grateful that Etta isn't as sleepy as Tye was in her first weeks, because I know that sleepiness contributed to my supply issues with her (she, too, never finished the breast, because she would fall asleep two minutes into the feeding and then sleep several hours...).  But I'm also grateful that Etta is my second child and I've had the experience of an easily consoled baby.  I feel confident in my parenting style and choices and know significantly more about breastfeeding this time around, so I'm not second-guessing my every action.  When Etta opens her mouth to scream and gives me a glimpse of her clipped tongue, I remind myself that she is making her needs known and that I'm doing everything possible to meet them.  

All Tied Up

During the hours after Etta's birth, she nursed quietly and slept peacefully.  Our midwife left just a few hours after her birth, leaving us to catch up on rest and bond as a family of four, knowing she would be back the next day to check on us.  That evening, as Etta let out one of her first real cries, I caught a glimpse of her little pink heart-shaped tongue.  Etta is tongue tied.

The heart shape; it sometimes looks even more pronounced.

I wasn't at all surprised to see the tip of Etta's tongue being pulled down by her tight frenulum.  My paternal grandfather, his three daughters including my mother, and one of my younger brothers were all tongue tied, and all but my brother had their tongues clipped.  When our midwife returned the next day, she confirmed that Etta is definitely tongue tied, but thought that between the strength of her latch and her ability to to reach her tongue beyond her gum line, that we would be okay nursing in the short term at least.  The midwife decided to return again on the third day to weigh Etta again, just to be sure she didn't lose more than 10% of her body weight.  By then, Etta was within the 10% weight loss allowed and my milk was already coming in, so we felt good about waiting until our one week appointment with the pediatrician.


Signs of tongue tie include Etta's heart-shaped tongue; difficulty latching, staying latched or a painful latch; slow weight gain; and recurrent clogged ducts and/or mastitis (especially if combined with slow weight gain).  When a newborn is tongue tied, her shorter tongue makes establishing an effective latch difficult or impossible, which in turn makes emptying the breast a challenge (making the mother prone to clogged ducts and mastitis).  With that in mind, I started several practices to make sure Etta would get as much milk as possible and gain as much as she could in her first week.  


First, I made sure Etta nursed at least every two hours- and often, Etta ensured she nursed at even shorter intervals.  Because she was drinking less at each feeding than she would have been with a great latch, those feedings needed to happen more often.  During nursing sessions, I used breast compressions to help Etta empty the breast (Dr. Jack Newman has a great video on breast compression technique, which you can use with any nursling, available on YouTube here).  To help establish a sufficient supply, I let Tye nurse often in place of pumping after nursing, which prevents a low supply that can accompany a poor latch.  


Using these techniques, Etta regained a good amount of the weight she lost after the birth by her one week appointment and weighed in at 6 pounds 8 ounces, close to the 6 pounds 13 ounces she weighed at birth.  By her two week appointment this past Thursday, Etta was up to 7 pounds even.  Although she wasn't worried about it, the pediatrician referred us to an Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist to look at the tongue tie because I expressed my concern at Etta's constant nursing, inability to clear the breast, and air intake during nursing causing extreme gassiness.  


Then, Thursday afternoon, I suddenly came down with mastitis.  I woke from a nap with a throbbing lump in my breast and within hours had a fever, chills, body aches, and a red, hot, swollen breast.  Thankfully, my mom is in town this week and was able to help entertain Tye and take care of me while I rested and tried a variety of natural remedies to take care of the infection.  By Saturday morning, with my regimen of raw garlic, increased vitamin C, topical applications of lavender essential oil, extra sleep, alternating heat and massage, and frequent nursing, my fever had broken.  I'm still keeping up everything I was doing because I still have a red, warm lump on my breast signaling at least a clogged duct, but now that the fever has lowered, I feel significantly better.  


At least, physically, I feel better.  Emotionally, I'm nervous about our appointment on Wednesday with the specialist.  I think Etta is a great candidate for a frenectomy, but I worry about the pain she'll experience and her- and my own- ability to cope with that.  Though my mom leaves town tomorrow, my dad will be here to help watch Tye during the appointment- something I'm extremely thankful for, since I don't think I could handle such an emotional appointment with Tye along, too (couldn't you just imagine the three of us all in tears, the doctor staring at us, speechless?).  


I'm hoping the frenectomy can be done quickly at the appointment Wednesday and that it provides a solution to Etta's weak latch, her constant nursing, and her gassiness, and that it prevents future bouts of mastitis.  Hopefully, the short-lived pain will be outweighed by the result of a happier baby, healthier mama, and easier nursing relationship.  Time, and likely a snip, will tell.  


Another great post on tongue tie, its symptoms and diagnosis, its affect on breastfeeding, and frenectomies was posted recently by Mommypotamus- a great read!  And Kellymom.com has great information available here.

Happy Birth Day, Etta!

On Wednesday, I washed three loads of laundry and baked two batches of cookies and cleaned our whole apartment top to bottom.  It wasn’t out of necessity- I was scrounging to find laundry dirty enough to wash and cleaning an already clean house.  I can only explain it as hormone-driven nesting, which felt like an intense, deep-down need to do those things.  It was the most intense of day of a week of nesting, during which time I accomplished everything on my to-do-before-baby list.  Physically, I was feeling quite uncomfortable- for almost a month, Baby Girl had been sitting so low I felt she might pop out if I squatted down; the Braxton-Hicks contractions were frequent and intense at times; and though the nesting hormones helped me accomplish an insane number of chores, they were keeping me from resting at all, and I was exhausted. 

Late that evening, while I was in the shower, I decided to have a little chat with Baby Girl.  With the hot water relaxing my sore back, I told her, You can come out any time now, Baby Girl.  We’re all ready to meet you.  I’m ready to meet you and kiss you; your Daddy might say he wants to work another couple days, but he has his whole life to work; and your sister is really excited for the milk you’re going to bring her.  We are all as ready as we’ll ever be, and we can’t wait to meet you.  You can come out whenever you’re ready.

I went to bed soon after, hoping for some rest.  I remember dreaming about contractions I was having, thinking These aren’t stronger than the ones I’ve been having, but each one is lasting longer.  I forgot how long actual labor contractions last. These are the real thing.  I’m definitely having this baby tonight.  So I should try to sleep through them for as long as I can….  Then soon after, These feel really close together.  Maybe I should be timing them.

Over the next two and a half hours, I had light but long contractions every 2-4 minutes as I took a warm bath, emptied the dishwasher, folded the last of the laundry, re-organized the refrigerator, and made chocolate chip almond flour scones.  Then suddenly, the contractions slowed and intensified.  The first intense contraction came, followed by another 10 minutes later, another 9 minutes after that, then 8, 7, 6, then several 5 minutes apart.  I called Linda, our midwife, at 3:02am and she headed over to us. 

Around 3:30, I woke Tyler and we started our home birth preparations- making the bed, moving furniture to make room for the birth tub, setting the mood with music and candles as we kept the lights low.  When Linda and her midwife assistant arrived, Tyler started blowing up the inflatable birth tub while Linda checked me.  Six to seven centimeters.  The midwife assistant got a kick out of my ability to rattle off all the food I had made for them while enjoying a cup of tea at 6-7 centimeters, and we had a good conversation about being foodies and good restaurants in NYC and Chicago. 

During that time, I made one special request of the birth team- that they remind me to open my eyes when Baby Girl enters the world.  When Tye was born, I was focusing all my energy on pushing and in my concentration, didn’t open my eyes to witness for myself Tye’s arrival into our world.  I remember the sounds of her birth, the feeling of her body slipping out of mine, and the flood of emotions with incredibly vivid clarity.  There’s just no visual to go with it.  Since Tye’s birth, I’ve wished so much that I could have just opened my eyes to fully experience her entrance.  With this birth, my heart was set on keeping my eyes open to witness the entire birth.  As I explained to the midwife and her assistant, I didn’t want to miss out on anything.

Over the next few hours, I continued to move around during my contractions.  We called the doula who would be hanging out with Tye during the birth, and she arrived just as Tye woke for the day.  Sometime between 6:30 and 7, I got in the tub.

The water helped ease me through the contractions and relax even more between them.  I could feel Baby Girl’s head just a couple inches inside, which was encouraging.  By sometime around 8 am, the contractions were so intense that I threw up after one of them.  I kept thinking I’d be ready to push when the next one arrived- but as much as my mind wanted to enter the pushing stage, my body wasn’t in the same place. 

Then, in the middle of a contraction, my water broke.  The popping sensation felt like a swift punch to my contracted uterus- definitely the most painful contraction of the whole day.  But with that one contraction, my body was suddenly ready, and I began to push. 

The pushing contractions were long and right on top of each other.  I felt like I had about 15 seconds between them, if that.  During the first two, I remember thinking, If I keep pushing as hard as I can, I’m going to tear.  But if I ease up, it will take longer for her to come out…  But I quickly gave up on holding back and just let my body push as hard as I could.  As Baby Girl was crowning and I was feeling that Ring of Fire, I had this sudden vision of chunky newborn baby legs.  As I imagined kissing the chubby creases of Baby Girl’s thighs, my heart felt like it was going to explode with love for this little baby who was about to enter our world.  I felt myself pushing with a new, almost primal power.

Suddenly, I heard Linda say, “Okay, on this next push, you’re going to have a baby!” I could hardly believe it was happening so quickly.  Without a break, the next contraction came on and Baby Girl’s head came out.  I opened my eyes just as I pushed the rest of Baby Girl’s body into the clear blue water. 

In both of my birth experiences, the moment when baby’s body slips out of mine is purely, truly miraculous.  It’s as if a switch is flipped and my whole body- my whole life- is changed.  I feel that surge of maternal hormones flood my body immediately.  It’s hard to explain.  I know not all mothers feel that wash of emotions at the same time, and there’s nothing else to compare it to.  When else do we knowingly experience our lives changing so significantly in the blink of an eye?  For me, that moment- feeling baby’s slippery limbs slide into their own existence- is magical. It’s precious, powerful, and unforgettable.   And this time, my eyes were wide open.

As Linda scooped up Baby Girl, she said something about the cord, but I was so eager to hold Baby Girl in my arms that I barely listened.  Linda pulled the cord from around Baby Girl’s neck where it was loosely wrapped once, and finally, she was mine to hold.   In a few seconds, she took her first breaths.  She was bluish and had a thin layer of vernix over her body (she was, after all, only 38 ½ weeks), but with a little time and back rubbing, she pinked up as we let the cord continue to pulse.  I told Baby Girl over and over again how much I love her as Tyler proudly declared from behind the video camera, “Yup, she looks just like me.” 

Soon, I moved to the bed, where we were covered with warm towels before Tyler cut the cord and I delivered the placenta.  Baby Girl latched on like a little nursing champ as Linda gave me five tiny stitches where I had just slightly torn skin.

Tye could see me from the hallway, but she wasn’t quite ready to come into the room just yet. When I was ready to stand up and make my way to the bathroom, Tyler carried Baby Girl into Tye’s room.  Upon seeing the baby, she whispered excitedly, “Shhh, baby sleeping!”  Once I was back in bed, Tye ran in and jumped in next to me.  I took Baby Girl back and began to nurse her, and Tye asked to nurse.  I never thought it would be me, but now I have a photo of me tandem nursing just minutes postpartum.  And nothing could make me prouder than cuddling both of my girls, watching Tye reach out to hold Baby Girl’s hand, and hearing her say in her sweet voice (nipple still partially in her mouth), “Hi, Baby Sister.” 

As soon as our tandem nursing session was over, Tye went back to playing with her new favorite grownup friends and everyone else set about cleaning up.  Tyler made me scrambled eggs and we toasted our daughter’s birth with Dogfish Head 90-Minute IPA, the same favorite microbrew we drank to celebrate Tye’s birth.  Amidst the hustle and bustle, Baby Girl and I laid in bed, skin to skin, nursing on and off as we took each other in.

We called family members and I cried tears of joy as we shared our news.  Every time Tyler tried to take a picture of me, the reality of the moment hit me and I started crying again.  The pictures may not be the most flattering, but they hold that much more emotion for me.

By around noon, everyone left.  We all, in various states of undress, climbed into bed together and took turns snuggling skin to skin and sleeping.

Eventually, Tyler and I decided on a name for Baby Girl- Etta Maeve.  That night, the four of us slept in our bed, in our home together- Tyler, Emily, Tye, and Etta.  Our family of four.

Heart Flopping Mama Trauma

You know that feeling when your stomach turns over on itself, either because you know something bad is coming or because you've just witnessed something horrible?  I've had that way, way to often this weekend.  

We had a great day Saturday with old friends visiting, including a family with a boy a couple months older than Tye.  The two are good friends and love playing together; they spent hours engaged in actual shared play (playing with each other, not just next to each other) by themselves, little adult intervention required.  We adults sat in the living room listening to them cracking themselves up in Tye's room for most of the afternoon.  

Then Tye's friend wanted to play hide and seek, a game he thought was perfect with two bedroom doors right next to each other.  He could quickly move from one to the other and by closing the door, be in a new hiding place.  (Can you see where this is going?)  Of course, no two year old knows how to just close a door- doors are either open or slammed shut.  And Tye wanted to chase him.  So after many near misses and many many requests- even firm ones- to keep the doors open, when I heard a slam followed by a scream, my stomach did one of those flip-flops.  

I walked over to the closed door and could see Tye's finger tips sticking out through the door frame.  Flip-flop.  I opened the door and saw blood on Tye's fingers as I picked her up.  Flip-flop.  Then I saw her finger nail, completely pulled out of the nail bed, hanging by a small thread.  Flip-flop, flip-flop, straight up nausea.  I think I somewhat calmly asked Tyler to come help me as I carried Tye to the bathroom.  Tyler held her finger behind her to avoid her seeing the blood, and I did the only thing I could think of to calm her down- nursed her.  As soon as she latched on, Tye calmed down significantly and Tyler was able to wipe away the blood, apply some colloidal silver, and put a bandage on her finger.  We nursed a bit longer and cuddled for a while after that, giving Tye several doses of homeopathic pain relief.  Once Tye rejoined her friend, we spent the rest of the night trying to figure out how to keep a bandage on such a tiny finger.  

I'm pretty sure the whole event was way more traumatic for me than it was for Tye.  She did have a hard time sleeping that evening because her finger hurt (and after a dose of Children's Tylenol, because her belly hurt), but Tye is pretty excited about her Band-Aid on her finger and she'll have a cool owie to show her friends and family over the holidays.  I, on the other hand, relive that heart-flopping feeling every time I re-bandage Tye's finger.  My heart breaks thinking about the pain my little one suffered.  

All this, and yet I when I take a step back, I realize how minor this injury really is.  Tye will make a full recovery and have no lasting effects (assuming the nail regrows).  We're so fortunate to have a healthy child who has never suffered a major injury.  I'm incredibly grateful that this minor injury- so minor it didn't even require a call to the doctor- is the most traumatic event we've endured.  We are so blessed.  I'm going to pray we keep up our healthy streak, because I don't know how much more heart-flopping I would be able to handle.  

Making the decision to have a child is momentous.  It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.               -Elizabeth Stone 

Friday Favorite- Bedtime Favorites

The only constant in our bedtime routine is that it's always changing.  The main components of the routine stay the same- put on pajamas, brush teeth, apply a calming essential oil, read books, then rock, sing, and nurse to sleep.  Within that routine, though, we go through phases. 

Our newest must-read bedtime book (and really, Tye's favorite book any time of the day) is the book The Little Mouse, The Red Ripe Strawberry, and The Big Hungry Bear by Don Wood and Audrey Wood. 

I first discovered this book when I taught a classroom of two year olds in Germany.  Daily, the majority of the students requested this book, and everyone was captivated by Little Mouse.  The simple plot, in which Little Mouse picks a red, ripe strawberry and can only save it from the Big Hungry Bear by sharing it with the reader, is easy to follow for young readers.  Children seem easily engaged by the text, too, in which the reader speaks directly to Little Mouse rather than telling a story about the character.  Each reading, the child participates in an interaction with the mouse and helps to solve his problem.  Tye, who particularly likes eating the strawberry along with Little Mouse, could read this book on repeat for hours.

After our books, we turn out lights, say a prayer, sing goodnight to Mico, Baby, Mommy, Daddy, and Tye, and then sing a lullaby as we rock and nurse.  Since April, I've been singing the lullaby "Su La Li" to Tye, one that we learned in Music Together and I have now sung for hours upon hours.  Tye's newest infatuation is "Story About Sammy," a sweet children's song I learned as a teacher.  

(I have no clue who these kids are, but thanks to a search on YouTube, you can watch their adorable faces sing "Story About Sammy")


Now as we rock each night, Tye requests "Sammy song" and falls asleep listening to my version of the song, in which Sammy is a girl with a very, very long list of animals she'd like to imitate on her way to the store.  Should I dare attempt to sing any other song, Tye will open her eyes and ask for "more Sammy song."  While I can only guess why Tye loves this song so much, I have a feeling it's because of the simple, repetitive verses combined with animals and their actions.


Many nights in the past, I've brought my phone or Nook into Tye's bedroom with me so I can play games or read as she falls asleep.  Recently, though- perhaps because her second birthday is around the corner- I've been cherishing our time together as we rock and sing.  I remind myself that today is the youngest Tye will ever be again.  Tomorrow, she'll wake a day older, and I never know when our bedtime routine just might change again.  

Don't Mess with Mama!

I absolutely love this!  A study published in the September issue of Psychological Science shows that breastfeeding mothers are more aggressive than formula-feeding mothers and women without children.  In fact, moms who are exclusively breastfeeding are twice as aggressive as women who aren't (whether they are formula-feeding moms or not moms).  Apparently, that "mama bear" reaction, known as "lactation aggression," that boiled up inside of me wasn't all in my head.  Rather, it appeared because nursing causes lower blood pressure, which dampens the physical effects of stress and aggression in the body.  When a breastfeeding mama is threatened, her body adapts, allowing her to become twice as aggressive before her body sees the same rise in blood pressure.  Those same changes have the added benefit of protecting the mom against everyday stressors, too, in case any moms out there needed one more reason to breastfeed.  

She may look friendly, but don't mess with this mama!!!!

August is Breastfeeding Awareness Month!

In celebration, check out 101 Reasons to Breastfeed Your Child.  It's fantastic!

My personal favorites from the list:

2. Breastfeeding promotes bonding between mother and baby
Breastfeeding stimulates the release of the hormone oxytocin in the mother's body. "It is now well established that oxytocin, as well as stimulating uterine contractions and milk ejection, promotes the development of maternal behavior and also bonding between mother and offspring.

8. Breast milk is always ready and comes in a nicer package than formula does
Need we say more?

52. Breast milk acts like a natural tranquilizer for baby
Mother's milk contains chemicals that seem to work like "knock-out drops" for tired babies. Even if baby doesn't fall asleep, he/she will certainly calm down and become more agreeable. If you choose to breastfeed into toddlerhood, you may find that the "terrible twos" never materialize!
53. Breastfeeding acts like a natural tranquilizer for mom
Nursing mothers often joke about falling asleep on the job. The sleep inducing qualities of nursing a baby are remarkable. In fact, new mothers have to be careful to hold a nursing baby in such a way that they will not drop the child when they inevitably nod off. Nursing in bed is a great solution. Even pumping at work can be a great way to calm down and get refocused on a stressful day.

100. Breastfed babies smell fantastic
Again, this is not a scientific study. Their is something almost magical about the scent of your own breastfed baby, whether you're the mother or father involved. Try it, you'll like it!
101. It's what breasts were designed for!

NWP

My life has taken me plenty of crazy places I never expected- living in Germany, eating vegan for several years, working at a trendy denim boutique in central New York and later for a Jewish non-profit agency.  Now I have another activity to add to that list- nursing while pregnant.  


It was something I had never even considered until close to the end of my pregnancy with Tye, when I was reading our birth class instructor's resume online. There, she listed tandem nursing among her experiences.  Clueless, I Googled the term and found this Wikipedia site, which explained that tandem nursing is "feeding two children at the same time who are not twins or multiples." (By the way, when I searched the term today, many non-Wikipedia sites came up before the Wikipedia site did.  Is it possible the term has become more common in the past two years?)  


I hadn't even known tandem nursing or nursing through pregnancy were possible.  I certainly didn't see myself tandem nursing in the future.  I was still unsure what my own breastfeeding relationship would look like with Tye.  Like so many aspects of parenting, I was leaving it up to what felt right in the moment, hoping I would follow my instincts and make the best choice for Baby Girl.  


So here we are, two years later.  Tye is still nursing, which feels right to me.  On a normal day, Tye nurses upon waking, before nap, and before bed, and usually one to two super-short sips at night.   Now, when Tye is hurt or upset, she usually copes with her emotions without nursing, though nursing is still the best way to calm her when she's overwhelmed by a new situation (brave little Tye, though, is far more likely to overwhelm others than become overwhelmed herself!).  When Tye sees me changing, she'll point to my breasts and mumble something about na nas (our nursing code word) while she shakes her head "no" and giggles, as if she's saying "I don't need to have those any more."  If Tye does ask for na nas during the day, it's more likely a sign that other needs aren't being met- she's hungry or thirsty, or needs some cuddle time.  


Before I became pregnant again, I read a fabulous book titled Adventures in Tandem Nursing: Breastfeeding During Pregnancy and Beyond by Hillary Flower.  It's full of relevant science, cultural studies, and best of all, personal experiences from hundreds of women who have tried tandem nursing (not all successfully- an aspect I especially appreciated).  I decided when the time came, I would listen to my body rather than weaning Tye automatically.  


That time came a little sooner than I really expected (I unknowingly finished the book after this little one was conceived), and I was grateful for my timely preparation.  The first few weeks of nursing Tye were barely different for me, and didn't seem to be any different for her.  Then I went through about two weeks when I seemed to have more milk than before, followed by a sharp decline in supply (what a tease!).  Tye began to switch sides during nursing more quickly and more often.  During my second month of pregnancy, I began to feel really uncomfortable with Tye nursing for a long period of time- for example, if she nursed longer than 30-45 minutes before falling asleep, a rare occurrence but a possibility.  I began keeping Tye's water next to our bed so I could offer her a drink in the middle of the night, which has been a lifesaver.  Instead of nursing to quench her thirst, now she wakes and asks or reaches for water when she wakes at night (that made me wonder how much of Tye's nighttime comfort nursing in the past was actually for thirst!).


So far, nursing during pregnancy has been easy and felt instinctively right.  I wouldn't have chosen to wean Tye at this age if I wasn't pregnant, and breastfeeding is going well for us, even if it does look a little different.  I'm consciously listening to my body, and I expect things to change, especially as my colostrum comes in when I'm further along.  With my history of early contractions, the thought of contractions during nursing has crossed my mind, but I've decided to deal with challenges when/if we get there.  I'll continue to listen to my body and follow my parenting instincts, whether it leads to weaning or tandem nursing down the road.  One lesson I've learned well through my unpredictable life is that it's not worth stressing over hypothetical situations.  I rarely end up where I thought I would be anyway.  

What it's like to nurse a toddler

When I became pregnant with Tye, I had no idea I'd be nursing over a year later.  I didn't know the health benefits of nursing beyond a year, or even six months.  To name a few, children who are breastfed into their second year are healthier, have fewer allergies, have high IQs, and are socially well-adjusted later in childhood.  The benefits for the mother include  protection from osteoporosis and rheumatoid arthritis, and lower risks of breast, uterine, ovarian, and endometrial cancers.  The American Academy of Pediatrics, the World Health Organization, and the Surgeon General all recommend nursing until age two or beyond.  


The more I learned, the more I realized that nursing was worth continuing.  However, it wasn't until I had Tye, battled through supply issues, and experienced the depth of our nursing relationship that I started thinking about nursing a toddler.  Looking down at the baby in my arms, I couldn't imagine a walking, talking child latched on in her place.


For us, nursing into toddlerhood has been an easy experience as that baby has grown, day by day, into a child.  At 16 months, Tye nurses on average 3-4 times a day, sometimes more, but always first thing upon waking in the morning, falling asleep for nap (unless she falls asleep in the car), and falling asleep for the night.  When she wants to nurse, Tye makes the sign for milk and says "Na?  Na?" as if she's asking permission.  I'm a lucky mama- Tye still sits fairly still while she nurses.  Most times, she curls up so her whole body can lie in my lap.  Still, there are times when I feel like she's doing gymnastics while she's latched to my breast.  


At night, Tye wakes up 3-4 times and often comfort nurses until she falls asleep.  On nights when she's sick or teething and up most of the night, nursing calms her quickly and eases her back to sleep, even if it's a fitful slumber.  We either nurse side-lying or with her laying across my torso, her legs hanging off my body (and often kicking Tyler in the ribs).  I've thought about night-weaning Tye, but for now, neither of us is losing much sleep because of nursing at night.    Tye is sleeping for longer and longer stretches without waking and is choosing to nurse less frequently when she does wake, so we're moving in the right direction.


As a child grows, the mother's breasts begin to produce milk only upon demand, rather than continuously as they did for the newborn.  I no longer find myself with breasts feeling full of milk, even if it's been most of a day without nursing.  Now that Tye is older, I'm also able to negotiate a bit before nursing, especially convenient when we're in public.  Often a snack is all she needs to distract her attention, though I have to stay on my toes- if Tye is in my arms, she'll reach down my shirt in an attempt to serve herself.  We're working on that... 


And what about those teeth, you ask?  Well, I once thought I'd stop breastfeeding when my children began to have teeth, probably because I clearly remember my nursing brother biting my mother and thinking it was horrifically scary.  However, it's not.  Tye hasn't experimented much with biting, and when she has, it's been because I was trying too hard to encourage her to nurse to sleep.  When a child nurses, her tongue covers her bottom teeth, sticking out almost beyond her lower lip.  For a nursling to bite down on the nipple, she has to first move her tongue, giving mom a warning she may be about to bite.  For us, it hasn't been an issue.


As Tye grows and begins testing her limits, pushing her levels of independence, and exploring her world, nursing provides her with a safety net of sorts.  After a long run around the park or a few hours playing with friends, I can feel Tye unwind as she lays in my lap nursing.  She'll often look up at me with her big blue eyes as she's latched on to my breast and pat my chest gently or wave up at me.  Sometimes she'll wrap her arms around me in a big hug, her outstretched hands patting my back.


Although she's a running, chatty toddler, nursing Tye doesn't feel any different than nursing her as an infant.  Now that we have so much practice, it feels very second-nature.  I'm grateful I didn't put a timeline on our breastfeeding relationship when Tye was born and that we've been able to experience the benefits of nursing into toddlerhood.  


This covers the basics of my experience nursing a toddler for the past four months, though I'm sure I'll have plenty to add by the time Tye weans completely.  Because most Americans don't nurse into toddlerhood, sharing our experiences can be even more helpful to other moms.  After all, nursing a toddler is a natural, beautiful experience- what better to share.

This photo was taken at our favorite brunch spot, Handlebar.  It's a great vegetarian hipster spot with delicious food, and at night, it transitions into a bar (hence the full bar in the background).  Right below that full bar is perhaps one of the more unique placements I've seen of the International Breastfeeding Symbol.  

Just in case Tye wants some milk with her huevos rancheros.

Where have you seen the International Breastfeeding Symbol in use?

Spanish Men Receive Breastfeeding Leave

Did you know that in Spain, fathers receive breastfeeding leave from their jobs?  According to a CNN report and highlighted in the Jan/Feb issue of Mothering Magazine, for the first nine months after a child is born, both the mother and father are allowed to leave up to two times for a total of 60 minutes or to shorten the work day by 30 minutes.  Compare that to American laws that only now allow a woman to pump at work on her break in a place other than the bathroom.  


Who's moving with me?

To Tye, at 14 months

Dear Tye,
You've reached a point in your young life when you're growing so fast, I can hardly keep up.  And I love it.  Two days before Christmas, you used your first sign to communicate by signing "all done" when you finished on the potty.  All of the sudden, the simple signs we've been using just clicked, as if a light bulb went on and showed you that you could communicate.  Since then, you're signing all done, more, eat, water, and milk (to nurse).  Combined with pointing , you're able to gesture to communicate what you want most of the time.  When you can't, you become frustrated, understandably.  That motivation will keep you learning.


A couple of days after we returned from our family trip to Palm Beach, I discovered something shiny, white, and hard in the back of your mouth- your upper molars, just beginning to push through your gums.  You poor thing- you had a blood blister over one of them, and they've been giving you a hard time.  If we adults were the ones with sharp new teeth pushing through our gums, being heavily medicated would be the social norm.  True, we're flying through our homeopathic gels and drops for you.  I just wish there was something else I could do to ease your pain.  


Fortunately, nursing seems to take off the edge at night when it's worst.  You're so busy exploring during the day, you only nurse about 4 times a day now.  It may make these recent all-night nursing sessions easier for me, because I look forward to cuddling with you in bed each night so much that I don't mind.  Still, I'll survive when you decide to sleep longer chunks of the night again, so feel free to move that direction whenever those teeth ease up.


This past month included Christmas, which you just loved.  Christmas Eve brought a huge snowstorm, and you laughed and laughed as we carried you around the yard.  By Christmas morning, you were a present-unwrapping professional, even if you did have a hard time knowing whether the box or the contents were the real gift.  Candy canes were a real hit with you this year (thanks to Daddy), as were the neighborhood Christmas lights.  You also enjoyed the red wooden bead garland on the tree, which you pulled off the branches to drape around your neck like a necklace every opportunity you found.  


Sometimes when I look at you, I am absolutely amazed by the little person you've become.  As you walk from place to place, interacting with people, animals, and objects along the way, I'm in awe of the huge personality in your tiny body.  Watching you grow brings me so much joy.  It is happening so fast, I find myself afraid to blink for fear I may miss it.  I'll just keep working on treasuring every day, no matter what it brings.  


Happy 14 months, Tye.  I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.


Love, Mama

Nursing Confidently

I make milk.  What's your superpower? Tshirt at expressiva.com

This weekend, we're going on a trip to visit friends in Seattle.  Tye is a well-traveled kiddo, and every flight but one in the past has gone supremely well (and that one wasn't even bad- just not perfect).  This trip, on top of worrying about Tye sitting still and refraining from her random pterodactyl screams, I have a new concern: How will the strangers around me react when I start nursing my toddler?


I realize the silliness of this concern- that these are strangers, so why would I care what they think; that I'm doing what I always do, so why is this location any different?  I know the World Health Organization and American Academy of Pediatrics both recommend nursing to the age of two or beyond.  I know what I'm doing is what is best for Tye, and it's working well for both of us.  But being able to argue against the concern doesn't make it disappear.


When other breastfeeding mamas and I encounter people who are surprised that we are nursing toddlers, I often remind the other mamas that the other person's shock likely comes from simply not knowing any better.  It's easy for me to remember that, because once, I was that person.  Until I was pregnant with Tye, I didn't know the benefits of extended nursing and thought most people weaned around the age of 1, certainly before the child could walk up to nurse or help herself to the breast, and likely before she had many, if any, teeth.  When we lived in Ithaca, my beloved little "hippie commune" of a town, I saw women who nursed their children who were much older and though I never thought poorly of it- "to each their own," I would say to myself- I never thought I would be doing it later on.  


Several years later, here I am, nursing my toddler.  She is over one year old, can walk across the room, says several words, has four sharp teeth, and tries to reach down my shirt to help herself to a snack when she's hungry/tired/cranky/bored.  This image of myself is a new one to me, one I've only had a little over a year to prepare myself for, which I think is partly why I'm not as confident with it as I wish I was.  I'm working on it, though.  At the first La Leche League meeting I attended when Tye was only four months old, I was already interested in support for extended nursing.  I've met other fantastic moms at Holistic Moms Network who are nursing older toddlers and even tandem nursing.  I'm always quick to thank them for setting such a good example for us mothers of younger babes so we can follow their lead.  I know that  as I practice seeing myself in this role of mother-who-nurses-a-toddler, and as I have the opportunity to continue nursing Tye in public,  I'll gain more confidence.  


Until then, the idea of breastfeeding Tye in a crowded plane, so close to others, intimidates me.  Hopefully after our first nursing session, I'll realize it's no different than it was when Tye was just a few months old, and I won't even think twice about it on the way home.  And if the other passengers on the plane learn something about extended breastfeeding, that would be icing on the cake.