On To Undies!

I have exciting news in the ECing arena!  But pictures of that just aren't, well, internet appropriate.  So, I thought I'd share photos of our trip to Illinois earlier this month and let you use your imagination to fill in any blanks (or not, if baby poop isn't your thing...).

Swimming in GG and PaPa's pool!

So the exciting news---- Tye has been in underwear for over a month now!  I have to admit, I would love to share photos of Tye in her undies.  She just looks so cute running around in pink or green briefs!    

"I flying like a bird!" with Coach

 Just to catch everyone up to date: we used Elimination Communication with Tye from about 3 months.  While she was never diaper-free as a baby, she almost immediately began to only have bowel movements in her potty (the only exceptions were bouts of diarrhea).  We continued with ECing into toddlerhood and last summer, even spent a couple weeks sans diapers at home until Tye suddenly decided she really wanted to wear a diaper.  Once she realized she didn't have to stop playing to go potty in her diaper, that was it.  She still only pooped on the toilet and would pee every time she sat, but she wouldn't interrupt play to use the bathroom, and we stayed in that pattern until this spring. (For our entire EC journey, catch up here.)

Etta and GG, readyt to swim

The recent transition to underwear was so smooth and gentle that we don't have a set date of transition.  Since April-ish, Tye has been proudly wearing underwear at home, no exceptions, and diapers only when out of the house.  In early June, we went full-time undies and Tye barely batted an eyelash.  

On 100+ degree days, ice pops are highly preferred over regular parade candy.

 I still have to remind Tye to use the bathroom when playing with friends or when out of the house, and we still use overnight diapers just in case (though she has only wet one in the past several weeks!).  Our biggest accomplishment was our trip to Illinois, during which Tye stayed dry through all kinds of excitement and even on our long road trip!  We had just one accident all 10 days.  Of course, it was on an upholstered couch, but in all fairness, Tye hadn't been prompted to go in a couple hours (yup, it was a big wet spot- sorry, GG!).  

"Whoa!  A parade!  So much to see!"

We're also using EC with Etta, who is doing her best to communicate with us when she needs to go.   When we hold Etta to go, she always eliminates- but she poops so frequently (at least once a day, unlike Tye's once a week routine at this age) that we don't catch all of them yet.  Recently, I've been having a difficult time distinguishing between her "I need to poop" grunts and her "I am trying my hardest to crawl/reach this toy/remind you I'm here" grunts. I'm totally happy with our ECing progress with Etta.  I just really hope that we can figure out a way to communicate clearly before she really takes to eating solids!

Yesterday seemed to sum up our current pottying state pretty well.  While at the park with friends, both Tye and Etta peed on a tree.  How's that for a mental picture?  Of course, I also carry with us a full change of clothes for each.  We're good, but we're also prepared.  

Mama with "bowf girls"

EC, Round 2

Have you heard of Dunstan Baby Language?  A couple days ago on Facebook, a friend posted this great Oprah interview of Priscilla Dunstan explaining the five words all infants use to communicate.  

It's a must-see video, especially for any new or soon-to-be parent.  For anyone, though, it's amazing. Dunstan takes the concept of moms reading their babies' cries one step further to prove that all infants speak the same language.  Except I think she's missing something.


My problem with Dunstan Baby Language is that Dunstan doesn't identify a word for needing to eliminate.  As someone who uses Elimination Communication, I absolutely believe she's missing at least one word, if not two.  Or, perhaps Dunstan recognizes those words, but doesn't believe our culture is ready to move away from diapers.  After all, most Americans (and I'm sure Australians) are pretty skeptical when they first come across EC.  


I started using EC with Tye around 3 months and thought I'd do the same with Etta, waiting until she had strong enough head control to make holding her easier and waiting until she started urinating less frequently.  However, Etta is a gassy girl.  It all started with her tongue tie, and it's become much better since then.  But like all babies, Etta continues to have gas.  When she's uncomfortable, I can sometimes soothe her with the Superman Hold, but we've had many times when that wasn't enough.  


Knowing that Etta needed to get some gas out and perhaps poop as well, I started holding Etta, sans diaper, over the little potty in our EC hold- her back to my belly, my hands under her thighs with her legs up towards her abdomen.  Her head leans up against my torso, so it isn't as difficult as I had imagined it could be (plus Etta's head control is improving daily).  As it turns out, this has been a lifesaver.  Etta relieves herself of excess gas and usually poops, too.  We've even caught a few pees (she often pees right after she poops).  I'm so glad I started this one day in my desperation to console Etta.  Now, when she's gassy and super fussy, I can actually do something about it and help her find some relief.


Since watching Oprah's interview of Dunstan, though, I keep thinking of infant communication.  When I hold Etta, if she needs to go, she grunts.  Sometimes she grunts for several minutes before she finally poops, and she'll keep grunting until she's done.  If I'm patient and trust her communication, she goes every time.  If she doesn't need to go, or if she's done going, she'll squirm and make another sound or just sit silently, motionless.  Her communication is as clear as can be.  


In the video, Oprah laughs at Dunstan's word for lower-abdominal gas, saying, "I know what that means!"  The audience laughed.  We all know that sound- when a baby makes it clear she's pooping.  It's so obvious that Oprah can joke about it and the whole audience gets it.  However, that sound is slightly different than what Dunstan describes as lower-abdominal gas.  The babies in the video are definitely not pooping.  So why doesn't Dunstan list a word for "I need to poop?"  And is there also a word for "I need to pee?"  I haven't found that one yet, and perhaps it's mostly body language, but if there is a word, I would think Dunstan could hear it.   


The magic of Dunstan's Baby Language is that it allows us as parents to hear our children's communicative attempts with greater insight and meet their needs with food, sleep, and comfort.  Elimination Communication is just an extension of the same concept- hearing a child communicate a need and responding to it.  Besides the myriad other benefits, it's made our home much more peaceful these past couple weeks.

ECing and Potty Learning

Tye using the toilet in August

A year ago, I really thought Tye would be out of diapers by the time she was two.  We were having great success with ECing, and Tye seemed to be enjoying the ECing process.  Little did I know, Tye was closer to full-time pottying success then than she would be at 2.  

We have had several weeks during the past year when Tye was in underwear all day, with a wet pair here or there, but eventually, Tye decided she would rather play than sit on the toilet.  And I'm afraid my mistake is that I let her follow those desires, not realizing it wouldn't be just a passing phase.  At two, Tye is in diapers, as most two year olds are.  

What ECing has given us, though, is a huge lead in potty learning.  Tye still poops exclusively on the toilet, no matter where we are when the urge hits her.  Not having to change a toddler's poopy diapers is something I greatly appreciate.  And when Tye regains interest in using the toilet, she still remembers how to go.  The only skills left to learn are identifying the urge to eliminate with enough time to make it to the toilet, and dressing and undressing herself for true bathroom independence.  

I have to admit, diapering Tye (again) and thinking about how close we were to graduating from ECing to wearing underwear can be discouraging, especially with the prospect of diapering two come January.  But then I remind myself: I haven't changed more than 3 poopy diapers since Tye was 3 months old; we have saved immeasurable resources from reducing our number of soiled diapers; and we learned to communicate with Tye and meet her basic needs at a very early age.  I'm absolutely planning to use Elimination Communication with Baby Girl #2.  Whether we have more success or less than we have had with Tye, the journey itself is worth every bit of effort.

Why it sometimes pays to be dirty

The other night, as I filled the tub with warm water for Tye's bath, she was so excited she kept trying to climb in over the edge.  She peeled her clothes off with enthusiasm and I as I lifted her into the warm bath, I had a fleeting thought of I didn't offer the potty first- but she'll be fine.  She splashed in the water as the tub filled, then stood up suddenly- as poop came flying out of her bottom.  She looked at me with wide eyes, and I could tell she wasn't finished, so I pulled her out of the tub and she finished pooping in the potty.  After I cleaned out the tub, we opted for a shower to finish up our evening.


I remember one bath with my brother when we were young, I picked up a brown object in the water as it floated by and asked my mom, "What's this?"  I had a student several years ago whose mom would put him in a warm bath when he was constipated, and it worked every time.  There's something about baths that makes kids go.  It's universal.  So when it happened to us the other night, I barely blinked an eye.  


In fact, the whole episode felt a little like I was being welcomed to mothering a toddler.  It reminded me of training for a marathon several years ago, when my toenails turned black and finally fell off- like I was a real runner.  Now, I finally have a poop-in-the-tub story in which I was on the outside of the tub.  I'm just glad I actually was on the outside, because I had seriously considered bathing with Tye that night.  

EC Update at 1 year

We use the Baby Bjorn Smart Potty

We've been using Elimination Communication with Tye since she was two and a half months old.  As soon as she wakes up in the morning for from a nap, when we take her out of a carrier, and every time we change her diaper, we hold her over her potty chair to provide a "potty-tunity."  The very first day we tried this, we already had an over 50% success rate, but for us, ECing has been more about the process than counting catches (pees/poops in the potty) and misses (pees/poops in the diaper).  


Every time Tye eliminates in the potty, it saves a diaper from being washed, reducing the amount of water needed to wash diapers.  The best part, though, is catching her poops, which we do 99% of the time (that 1% is when Tye poops when we're out and about- which makes things more difficult).  No massive poopy explosions, no stained diapers, no messy cleanup- just flush the solids down the toilet and rinse the potty. 


Tye has never minded sitting on the potty, and because she goes right away, we don't spend long amounts of time sitting and waiting.  Recently, she's begun to show her appreciation for potty-tunities by clapping when she eliminates, even though we've never celebrated catches (that is one of the aspects of EC that differs from potty training).  Even when she doesn't have a full bladder, Tye will at least go a few drops when held over the potty, proving that she knows how to use the potty and has good muscle control already (lack of muscle control to hold bodily functions is often cited as a reason why children "can't" be trained early on to eliminate on cue- but EC disproves that theory completely).  Now that Tye has a larger bladder and is nursing much less frequently, we can go longer stretches between potty-tunities with a dry diaper.  On average, we have about 2-3 wet diapers a day, including her overnight diaper.


Looking forward in our EC journey, we have two next steps to work on: first, I'd like to occasionally move Tye to eliminate on the toilet instead of the potty chair so that she can comfortably eliminate over toilets, especially those in other locations, like homes of friends and families and public restrooms.  Right now, toilets are either distracting or scary, so we'll work on that.  Secondly, and simultaneously, I'd like to teach Tye to crawl (eventually walk) to her potty when she needs to use it.  If I leave the potty out near her while she's playing and have her sit every time she touches it, she should learn quickly that touching the potty means she'll be provided with a potty-tunity.  Then, when she feels the urge to go, she can make her way over.  


Using EC has become second nature to us.  I know the vast majority of people think EC is crazy- something only a psycho, over-controlling or uber-crunchy, hippie mama would do (and perhaps I qualify as the latter to some people).  For us, though, it has been an amazing journey during which we've been able to more fully meet the needs of our daughter and learn how amazing young bodies are.  Every time Tye pees or poops on the potty, I'm grateful that we had the courage and confidence to begin the EC experience almost ten months ago.

My life, according to poop...

When I taught preschool in college and later in Germany, I focused a great deal on toilet training.  When working with parents who were toilet training, their curiosity about their child's bodily functions was amazing.  They wanted to know the exact times of elimination, the location, and who initiated the event.  Communication between caregivers was important to maintain consistency, though, and I always understood how crucial toilet training was to those parents.  Life changes after diapers.  And so, we talked pee and poop every day.  I thought we talked about it a lot.  Looking back, that cracks me up.


When I began teaching students with autism, many of my students were on special diets and/or had digestive issues that so often accompany the diagnosis.  Since many of my students had difficulty communicating their daily elimination to their parents, it was again my responsibility to relay the vitals to the parents each day.  However,  simply listed a #1 or #2, the time, and the source of initiation was no longer acceptable.  So many of my students were on medications or special diets that affected their bowel movements that parents wanted to know just what type of #2 was produced.  Was it solid?  Was it large? Was it green or brown? (or purple? and yes, I had that conversation) And the thing is, because I knew the journey each of these families was making and why each question was asked, I understood the significance.  Those details, as gross as they may be to the unrelated person, were important to the child's treatment, so they were important to me.  


By the way, I knew all these details because I was in the bathroom with the children, changing them, so often.  Changes are a great learning opportunity in which we practiced communication, self-help skills, and fine motor skills.  Some days, I could swear every kid waited until they were working with me one-on-one to poop, then let it all go while they were on my watch, leaving me to change six loaded diapers in five hours.  I had no idea when I was in college how much of my teaching career would be spent either discussing bathroom patterns or changing diapers, but when doodie duty calls, I answer.  Teaching Special Ed, I thought I talked about bodily functions a lot.


I was reminded of those conversations this weekend when a visit with friends, whose son is three weeks younger than Tye, turned to the babies' bowel patterns.  Parents love their children so much that even their poop is worth talking about.  We are now those parents.  I talk about my daughter's poop.


Now that I've cleared the air on that topic (hehe), I thought I'd update on our ECing because, like I said, I talk about my daughter's poop.  We started using Elimination Communication with Tye when she was two and a half months old, and since then, we've been having good success with the method.  We aren't diaper-free, but I'm really happy with where we are.  Every time we change Tye's diaper (every 45-90 minutes, depending on the time of day), Tye sits on the little potty chair in our bathroom.  We've had at least one caught pee (in the potty) every day, even when traveling (then it's in the sink).  When we're home, we usually only have 3-4 wet diapers all day.  This makes laundering our cloth diapers a lot easier!  


The biggest success for us has been in catching poops.  Aside from the time I was pooped on in public and one full diaper on vacation, Tye has pooped in her potty for every bowel movement for the past few months (and probably 98% of her BMs since we started!).  Sometimes I see or hear Tye getting ready to go (can I tell you how cute and dainty her grunts are? I love them!) and rush her to her potty.  Other times, when provided a potty-tunity, she takes advantage of being on the potty and goes.  A few times, she has yelled at me when I try to put on her diaper after a changing, so I give her more time on the potty and then she goes.  Can I tell you how great this is?  When she goes in the potty, there are no blowouts, no leaking, no diapers to rinse the poop off of.  It changes diapering completely. 


I haven't changed a poopy diaper in almost a month.  I realized the other day that I'm changing fewer poopy diapers now than I have since I was a sophomore in college.  And yet, here I am, talking about poop.  Because I am that person.  I talk about my daughter's poop.  The other day, I texted Tyler a photo of Tye's poop.  Yup.  Some things never change... Or they just get better with technology.  


Poop.

EC Update at almost 6 months old!

Prepare yourself for information about bodily functions with detail only a parent can provide...


We've now been ECing for over three months.  Tye is a pro at ECing... me, not always.  When I take Tye to sit on her potty, she almost always goes, even if it's only a few drops.  We mostly take Tye on routine- upon waking, when we take her out of her carrier, and whenever we change her diaper.  I still have a hard time reading Tye's signs that she needs to pee.  The biggest challenge is Tye-who-needs-to-pee looks exactly like Tye-who-is-excited.  Now that Tye is interacting with her world in so many new ways, I'm really having a hard time telling those two apart.  When we're out and about, it's even harder because everything new is so exciting.  To add to the challenge of ECing while out of the house, Tye has developed a fear of some unfamiliar toilets, and I realize that not everyone wants baby pee in their sinks (even if I can't relate).  At the end of the day, our catching rate can vary from just a few pees a day to almost all of them, mostly depending on how much of our day was spent at home.  By the way, Tye peed in the hotel room sink each day we spent in Mexico, continuing our streak of catching at least one pee per day, no matter where we are, since we started ECing.


Catching poops continues to be easier, and very rewarding in that a poop in the potty is significantly easier to clean up than a poop in a diaper.  If it's been a few days since her last poop (Tye's averaging 5 days between poops now), and I can tell there's one coming (fussing + gassiness, gas that smells like poop, "wet farts" in her diaper- TMI yet?), I'll make the grunting noises we use to cue her while I gently squeeze her legs closer to her torso.  That physical prompt mimics her movement when she eliminates and also stimulates her bowels- a pooping double whammy.  She always imitates the grunting/clenching combination, quite frequently resulting in a caught poop.  Right now, this is the best way to be sure we catch the poop because Tye's signs that she needs to go are less obvious than when she was younger.  Apparently, pooping is an easier job for her now and requires less straining prior to the event.  


Even on the days that we only have a few catches, we're still saving diapers from being washed (or used, as we were using disposables in Mexico).  We aren't diaper-free, and we most likely won't be for a while.  But I'm happy with where we are.  We're doing our part to conserve energy and resources, and we're laying a good ground for toilet learning in Tye's future.  Who knows... perhaps someday soon Tye will initiate a trip to the potty herself using the American Sign Language I've been practicing with her.  If that happens, you'll be able to hear me scream with joy- from wherever you are in the world.  Until then, we'll catch what we can.

EC Update

ECing has become part of our daily lives at this point. Tye still wears diapers (cloth when we're at home, disposable on the road since she's so uncomfortable in wet cloth), but we go through significantly fewer diapers than we would without EC. I wash a small load of diapers twice a week just to prevent the stinkies, and we're still using the package of diapers Tyler's parents bought us when we visited them almost a month ago. The environmental impacts of both are minimized when they are soiled so infrequently, and I feel good about that.

Every day is different for us. We've yet to have a completely dry day, but we did have one with only one wet diaper. Other days are harder, like when we're running errands all day, traveling, or visiting friends or relatives. Since we started, though, we've always at least caught one pee a day. Our average number of wet diapers each weekday is probably 3 or 4, with 6-8 catches each day. Other than a poop while the grandparents were watching her and one very unusual nighttime poop, we've caught every poop over the last month. I can't believe we've only been ECing for a little over a month- it feels so natural at this point.

I know to most of our family and friends, this is pretty amazing- and really, it is. What is amazing is that such young infants are capable of communicating their need to eliminate and can learn to eliminate on cue. The other evening, we missed a pee, so I took Tye into our room to change her. As I was fastening the clean diaper, she fussed and looked at me, maintaining eye contact while she cooed in frustration. I unfastened her diaper and held her over her little potty on the bathroom counter, and she pooped almost immediately. Understanding and being able to meet her request was so exciting to me. It's so rewarding.

ECing!

Today has been our first day of ECing. As of 5 pm, we have had 6 catches and 4 misses. In non-EC language, that means Tye has peed in her little potty 6 times today and in her diaper only 4 times so far (and one of those misses I saw coming, but let's just say, only one girl can potty at a time...). I didn't keep her on the potty chair all day, either- we only had 2 uneventful trips to the potty. To make ECing more convenient, Tye is wearing one of her SwaddleBees diapers with easy on-and-off snaps, full-length leg warmers, and an oversized fleece jacket over a t-shirt. This leaves her diaper uncovered, easily accessed for removing or checking. It's not waterproof, but it's super absorbent. Tye doesn't urinate much at one time, so any misses are easy for me to discover early and change right away, without risking a puddle or wet lap. While we get ECing figured out, this may be Tye's new uniform!

ECing is supposed to be about the process and reading your child's needs, not the outcome. However, I am extremely pleased with the outcome so far! At $.33 per disposable diaper (a number that will only increase as Tye grows into larger diapers), we've already saved $1.98 today over using disposables. Saving a couple dollars a day will certainly add up quickly. Compared to cloth diapers, I'll be doing much less laundry each week. And in terms of environmental impact, we're only using a small amount of toilet paper to wipe and a little water to rinse the potty chair- a huge savings over the garbage created by disposables or the soap and hot water used to wash cloth diapers.

Perhaps the best part of ECing, though, is already evident to me. I'm reading Tye's body language and her attempts to communicate with me and responding to those in a way that will keep her more comfortable. As she learns that I will respond to her signals, she'll make her needs known in more obvious ways, deepening the natural communicative process. The increased, intimate two-way communication builds a deeper bond between us.

More good news- I heard today that we are two-thirds of the way through meteorological winter. Spring is coming!

On Diapering...

Before Tye was born, I bought gear for cloth diapering- 24 Indian prefolds, 5 Swaddlebees diapers, 9 waterproof covers, and 4 Snappis. Then, when Tye was born, we used the Swaddlebees along with disposables. When I tried a prefold on her, the diaper was bigger than she was, and the covers didn't close around her skinny little legs! I tried again several weeks later, but the leaking around Tye's tiny legs was ridiculous. This week, I tried again- and we're still going! Since we returned from Texas, Tye has been in cloth diapers with the exception of trips to the pediatrician (that's a whole other post...) and running errands, when she wore disposables. I like the cloth diapers so far! The best part? Tye actually lets me know when she's wet, something she never did in disposables. Like older students I've taught, she must have been comfortable enough in her wet disposables to not complain. They do too good a job absorbing.

The reason I want Tye to let me know when she's wet is because I want to learn to pick up on her signals that she's about to go. In an ideal world, I would love to go diaper-free with her, something many people are able to accomplish. It's called Elimination Communication, or EC. The idea is that caregivers can listen to a child's cues that she needs to eliminate, much like she gives cues that she is hungry or tired, and in the same way, attend to her needs to go by allowing her to eliminate in an appropriate location. It sounds far out to many people, and yet it works for many parents. More than just intrigued, I bought Ingrid Bauer's book Diaper Free!, though I haven't gotten through much of it yet. Today, Tye and I went to Babies'R'Us and purchased a potty chair and a tiny bamboo toilet seat. I'm not sure which we'll use, but we'll use both for potty training later if, for some reason, ECing doesn't work out. But I really hope that it does. ECing would make life easier in so many ways... And the debate on the environmental effects of cloth versus disposable is won over by option of using fewer, or possibly even no, diapers. Wouldn't that be amazing?

Apparently my grandmother had all 3 of her daughters toilet trained by the time they were a year old. While my mom jokes that really, they had her trained, I think she was on to something great. If only she had written a book on it back then!