Conflict Resolution 101

For the past few months, Tye, Etta, and I have been attending a great little playgroup hosted by a local mom in her family's home.  She has a boy several months older than Tye and a girl just a couple months older than Etta, and many of the other children who attend are similar ages to our children.  It's been a really wonderful opportunity to meet other families in the neighborhood and for Tye to engage with her peers.  

Of course, any time a group of preschoolers assembles, conflicts are unavoidable.  Last week, as Tye was trying to squeeze through a small space at the same time as a little boy (we'll call him Jamie), Jamie hit Tye on the face.  Hard.  She ended up with a slightly black eye and some missing skin under and next to her eye.  That night, she told Daddy, "Jamie hit me at Jack house, give me owie on my eye."  She brought it up frequently that day, the next, and throughout the week.

I make a point of always paying attention to Tye's owies, big and small miniscule.  By reacting with love and compassion, I'm teaching her to empathetically do the same when others are injured.  This time, while I made sure to care for her physical wounds, I also jumped at the opportunity to use this as a learning experience.  Tye had just recently begun to hit Tyler and me when she was upset- not hard, but as an expression of her frustration.  So every time Tye mentioned Jamie and her owie, I reminded her, "Hitting hurts.  We don't hit.  We use words."  Then I'd model words she could use if she was angry in place of hitting- "I'm mad! I don't like that!"  I also sometimes went on to model phrases she could use to communicate with Jamie, like "Don't hit me, I don't like that," hoping it would give her a feeling of empowerment should the situation arise again.  

Today was another playgroup day.  Within minutes of our arrival, Jamie pushed Tye down from standing, her bottom landing on the sharp corners of wooden blocks that laid scattered on the floor.  Tye bawled.  Jamie- who is a really sweet kid with a warm, sparkling smile and a very kind, involved, totally apologetic mother- apologized.  Not long after, while Tye was playing catch with another friend (such a precious exchange, by the way), Jamie walked up and hit her in the face.  Tye cried again, though this time, I think her feelings were hurt more than her face.  

Now, I wasn't there to witness this next part of the story, but my friend, the hostess, was.  While Tye and Jamie were sitting at the table eating popcorn together, apparently they had a little conversation that went like this:

Tye: Jamie, you don't hit me anymore, okay?  Hitting hurts.

Jamie: Okay.

Tye: Thank you.

Then they continued eating their popcorn.  Later on, they ran back and forth down the hall together, shared trains and balls, went up and down the slide together, and ate more popcorn together, all without incident.  

When my friend relayed the kids' conversation to me, I was first totally shocked- and then so totally, completely filled with pride.  Tye found a calm moment and talked with her peer about their conflict, resolving the issue without adult interference.  That's something many of us adults have a hard time accomplishing, and Tye's not even two and a half!  

The solutions to Tye's problems won't always be this easy.  With all my heart, I dread the day I'll have to console her after a major conflict with a peer.  But, as is the case with many lessons in life, she'll have opportunities along the way to develop and practice conflict resolution skills.  In many ways, today's exchange has laid the groundwork for talking through a quarrel with a friend or confronting a bully in the future.  It may not have been a painless lesson to learn- unfortunately, they rarely are- but it is one that will serve her well as she continues to grow.  

Apple Season

I can't believe it's already fall!  Kids are back in school, the water fountains at the playgrounds are turned off, and the beaches are unguarded.  Summer ended abruptly in Chicago, with a 20 degree drop in daily temperatures overnight.  I'm not sure where summer went, but it's been with a strong hint of sadness that we've welcomed the fall season and it's weather.


Today our nature meetup group went apple picking at a farm in the suburbs.  Despite the intermittent mist, the day was a huge success.  Tye noticed right away that there were apples on the tree and gasped with excitement as she pointed to them. Though her basket was filled mostly with fallen apples, we managed to find some delicious apples to pick off the trees and take home.  We also picked our own pumpkins and kale (the latter of which Tye ate raw as we returned to the farmhouse).  

 As soon as we returned home, we cut up a couple of our freshly picked apples, spread them with sunflower seed butter, and enjoyed one of my own all time favorite snacks from childhood. 

While I'm looking forward to baking with our freshly picked produce, by far the best things I took away from today were intangible: watching Tye learn enthusiastically that apples grow on trees, exploring a farm and feeding chickens together, and sharing a nostalgic childhood snack.  This part of fall I love.

Running!

Our favorite Tuesday afternoon activity... running laps through Ines' kitchen with Marquise and Aubrey.  Tye has this high-pitched, dolphin-esque laugh when she's excited.  I'm pretty sure her friends think she's screaming with excitement, because it never takes long for them to start shrieking along.

Firsts at the Arboretum

Wednesday, we took a trip to the Morton Arboretum with Ines and Marquise and Ines' goddaughters, Morgan and Delanie.  When we arrived, Tye happily chased butterflies until her friends arrived, when she squealed with delight.  We found a fuzzy caterpillar in the parking lot, and after watching it and everyone holding it for quite a while, Tye held her first caterpillar.

In the Children's Garden, Tye loved playing with the water and rocks in the man-made creek.

After the water, we ate lunch in a meadow next to two huge Asian pine trees whose droopy branches created spacious shady hideaways, perfect for playing.  There, Tye climbed her first tree.  It was a wonderful day for our little nature explorer.

Seattle Recap

Tye and I traveled to Seattle on Wednesday, where we met Tyler at the airport.  That night, we used points to book a fancy room at the W downtown.  From our room, Tye could watch the traffic and birds below.  Her favorite pastime was riding the elevator, though.

While Tyler worked Thursday morning, Tye and I explored downtown.  We stopped at Beecher's right outside of Pike Place Market, where we watched cheese being made in huge vats before we bought some fresh curds for breakfast.  From there, we walked down to the waterfront and the Seattle Aquarium.  Tye touched star fish in the tide pool petting zoo, which she loved almost as much as the huge, awesome tank of all local species.  Did you know the Puget Sound contains over 200 species of fish?  

The rest of the weekend, we stayed with our friends Laurie and Josh, whose son Brady is just a month younger than Tye.  Brady and Tye were immediately buddies, to the point that they woke up requesting each other first thing each morning.  Staying with a family with a child the same age is absolutely the easiest way to travel, from car seats to bath toys to snacks to DVR'd episodes of Sesame Street (Tye is going through a bit of Brady and Elmo withdrawl now that we're home, though...).  Not only is it the easiest, it's the most fun- our hosts knew exactly which activities would entertain the whole family and we loved talking about our kids without worrying if anyone was sick of hearing about them.  


Leaving Tye with a sitter for Saturday's wedding turned out to be no problem, either.  As long as Brady was there, Tye barely noticed I was gone!  The wedding that brought us out to Seattle in the first place was beautiful, and we had a great time with friends from our time in Ithaca, NY.  It was a full extended weekend trip with beautiful weather in a fun city, great family time, and catching up with good friends.

Music Together!

This morning was Tye's first music class!  A local woman teaches Music Together classes in the basement of a neighborhood church, and today was the first class of our spring course.  Tye was eager to explore the global collection of percussion instruments as she observed the other children when we arrived.  Once music began, she quieted down and planted herself in my lap.


Throughout most of the class, Tye watched the leader sing with wide eyes.  About 45 minutes into class, when instruments were once again distributed, Tye jumped out of my lap and grabbed a xylophone and drum stick and went to town.  With the high noise level of so many young children (and parents) pounding away on instruments, Tye lost her inhibitions and finally began singing as she played the xylophone, then the triangle, then the tambourine, then a drum.  


Today's leader is a woman in her 50s or 60s with somewhat-unruly gray curly hair, thick glasses, and a warm kindergarten-teacher appeal.  Previous students ran into the room and immediately bombarded her with hugs.  When Tye stuck a maraca in her mouth, the teacher was quick to say, "Oh, how wonderful that you're using all your senses to explore the music!" before she whispered to me the location of the "slobber bucket."  Our class is a mixed-ages class, which I love because it provides Tye with opportunity to observe and imitate other children, not just adults.  As she becomes more active during class, she'll have other children to share in her enthusiasm.


Music plays a large role in our lives every day, from listening to songs as we do chores to singing about what is happening next in the day to banging spoons on pots and pans.  While Tye has plenty of access to music at home, I'm looking forward to seeing her blossom in a group setting as she learns to interact with the music and other children.  Below is the greeting song sung at all Music Together classes, which has become pretty famous as Music Together has gained popularity.  

So now you know what I'll be singing for the rest of the day. 

Pinch!

Oh, just look at those cheeks on Tye!  I can't stop sneaking peeks at this photo- it just  melts my heart.  Marquise and Tye are so sweet together.  What do you think they're saying to each other?

Hidden Gems

I love discovering new treasures in my own backyard, and today was one of those very days.  Our nature group visited the Garfield Park Conservatory, located relatively close to home- less than 10 minutes away.  It houses a huge collection of indoor plants and offers a warm location with plenty of room for exploring on two feet.  For a young walker with cabin fever, the place was heavenly. 

Tye wore herself out and is finishing up a long, well-deserved nap.  Activities like this make winter much more bearable.  Plus, I just read on meteorologist Tom Skilling's Facebook page that we're past the halfway point of winter- "Typically 55% of the season's snow has occurred by this date."  We'll be back to our nature walks in no time.


What are your favorite winter activities?

Happy Birthday, Marquise!

On Saturday, we helped celebrate Marquise's first birthday.  

Of course, the gift boxes were a major hit with all the kids.  

Happy Birthday, Marquise!  Love, Tye and Em

Play group!

This morning, Tye and I hosted our first play group with the Bucktown Moms Meetup group! Having other moms and babies over was a lot of fun. Tyler helped me move the coffee table and I spread clean blankets over the carpet for everyone to sit on (the rest of the babies are about 6 months or older and are sitting, almost crawling). I picked up scones and cake bites from Bleeding Heart Bakery (my favorite!) to go with coffee and tea. Five other moms and babies came over and we enjoyed each other’s company. The other kiddos traded toys (and spit, since they were largely teething items) while moms traded experiences staying busy in the cold, calming teething babies, and feeding solid and semi-solid foods. Tye fell asleep and ended up napping through the second half of the play date, but she woke up again as the last friends were leaving. Fun morning!

Meeting Mommies! (and babies!)

Friday morning, Tye and I went to our first play group. I found a group called Bucktown Babies on meetup.com. If you don't know about meetup.com, it's a really cool site that allows people to start groups based on common interests, and then anyone can view and join those groups. There are groups for everything you can imagine, from veganism to sports to weird things I had never heard of before. Once I joined the hundred or so moms in Bucktown Babies (I had to be approved by the group moderator first), I was able to view the already organized meetups, including one for new moms being held at someone's home Friday morning. All I had to do was RSVP and show up!

Tye may or may not have even noticed the other babies (I think they were all still out of her range of eye sight still, actually), but I loved being around other moms. I was one of 8 mom and baby couples, and I'm pretty sure we were both the youngest in our respective groups- no surprise there, really. Most of the babies were around 6 months old. It was incredible to smile and receive a huge smile in return (although Tye has started to smile real smiles!!! They are still few and far between, but they are absolutely real smiles!!!). We talked about working out, traveling with babies, finding nannies, and photographers, to name a few. All of the moms were super friendly. We're planning to make this a weekly get-together after the holidays. It will be so nice to have a mommy/baby meeting to look forward to every week! A guarantee that I'll see other adults at least one of the days Tyler is traveling.