Sunday, February 14, 2010

To Tye, With Love, at 3 months

Dear Tye, Today is yet another milestone in your already-too-fast development. Today, at three months of age, you are no longer a newborn. You are now an infant. I have a hard time believing that your life can be captured in one single measurement. I can't believe that you're already three months old. You look so big compared to your baby pictures, even the pictures we took at Christmas which seem so recent. You have grown so much. The other night, as I was feeding you before bed, I looked down and realized that you had almost doubled in length in the blink of an eye. When you nursed when you were first born, you fit across my chest, even when you weren't curled in your little frog-legged ball. Now, suddenly, your bum is where your feet used to be and your legs curl around my side. I can't hold you in one arm while you nurse any longer. And you're outgrowing some of my favorite 3 month clothes for you already. When I folded the 3-6 month clothes just after you were born, I was sure you would need almost the 6 months to fit into them, but somehow you've just grown that quickly. Your little squished-up newborn face, with your upturned nose and squinty eyes, has smoothed out, and your skinny arms and legs have filled out (thank goodness). Where did the time go? And yet, haven't I known you my whole life? I find it hard to remember my life without you. You are what I've been waiting for my entire life, building up to and planning around before I even knew you. I think I've been a mother my whole life, and now that you've arrived, I'm finally complete. I've spent my whole life waiting for you. For Christmas, your dad gave me a beautiful gold necklace with a calendar on it. It's the month of November, and there's a diamond where your birthday, the 14th, is. It is a commemoration of your birth day. Just as much, it's my own birth day. That day marks the day that I became a mom, the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. I can't believe that you're already three months old, but even more, I can't believe that I've only really known you for three months. Before you were born, I had a dream about your birth. I dreamed that I had a completely pain-free delivery and you just squirmed your way out. When you came out, I looked at you and you looked right into my eyes with your big, dark eyes, and I felt a surge of love for you and felt that we were already completely connected. When I woke, I relived the beauty of the dream over and over, but I was sure it was just a dream because my baby would have blue eyes, just like her daddy and me. Then you arrived for real, with your big, dark eyes, and I knew I had seen your face before, looked into those eyes before. Look at your baby pictures. You had such dark eyes it was hard to tell what color they were. Now, they have turned bright blue. When I think about how you've only been here for three months, the only way I can explain the incredible bond we have is that I've known you for longer than three months. Maybe it was that dream. Maybe it was from the first time you kicked me, listening to crazy 80's music on the Edens expressway. Maybe it's because I've been praying for a baby since I was four, when I asked my mom where babies come from and she said that a mommy and daddy pray really hard for a baby and God sends the baby into the mommy's tummy (thank goodness God waited until your daddy was in the picture!). Whatever it is, I have a new understanding of time's passing. Somehow, a single measurement can have two very different meanings. Three months can feel like a day, and it can feel like a lifetime. I can't wait to keep learning from you, my Baby Girl. I love you more than words can say. Love, Mama


  1. Beautiful, Em. Such a lovely letter to a lovely girl. I love the idea of writing letters regularly to children.

  2. Oh, Emily - how tender and beautiful are these words! You've captured out mommy hearts - and do you know there is a mommy who feels that way about you!

  3. correction - that's OUR mommy hearts, not out!


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