Thursday, May 5, 2011

On Feeling Old

I've been feeling really old recently.  It started with me trying to find an outfit to wear to dinner at a trendy restaurant with Tyler's co-workers.  I kept finding myself responding to clothing items with phrases my mother would say- "(Gasp!) Who in their right mind would wear that?"  

Then I spent a few minutes reprogramming the SiriusXM radio channels in the car after they changed all the station numbers.  I realized my top channels are, in order: indie rock, kid's, coffee house (the new generation of smooth jazz), classic alternative ("classic"=old), "first wave" alternative (the first alternative bands), and 90's (it has its own station?!?).  I listen to almost all OLDIES!  Seriously, who knew programming radio stations could cause a midlife crisis?

To top it off, we've been planning for a couple weeks now to spend today at the zoo with a friend of mine from college and her son.  She and I have known each other for over 10 years now.  10 years is now significantly closer to 1/3 my life than 1/2 my life.  You see where math gets me...

Feeling old isn't all bad.  I'm excessively happy with where my life has taken me and all I've accomplished in my years.  I feel a perfect combination of fulfilled and ambitious, content and yet ready to take on the world.  I guess what shocks me most about feeling old is wondering how so much time could have passed so quickly.

A perfect example of time passing quickly?  Exactly two years ago, I wrote my first ever blog post, complete with a photo of my bitty baby bump at 11 weeks.  Looking back, I'm hit first with the amazement of how much I've changed and learned since that day.  I feel as though I've grown more in the past two years than in the previous 27 combined. 

With all my recent feelings of being old, I keep reminding myself, This is the youngest I'll ever be again.  While I say it to try to encourage myself to enjoy today, it doesn't do much to make me feel younger.  But when I look at Tye's smile, or run my fingers through her ringlets, or watch her roar at the lions, love washes over me and I know that if this is what getting old means, then by all means, bring it on.

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