I can look back at my life and see certain points in which my journey suddenly took a new direction. Tyler's military deployment, which led to our earlier-than-planned marriage and our move to Germany; a chance interview and a teaching position in an integrated classroom, which unveiled my calling in Special Education; that first unplanned pregnancy that, though lost, awakened our desire for children; that moment in which Tye emerged from my body and I was instantly overcome with fierce love for her in a way I could never have imagined. Intense, life-altering times of transition.
I'm standing on the brink of one of those moments now- or perhaps smack dab in the middle of it- and that awareness is unnerving.
We're moving our family. We've decided to pack up what is most important to us, leave our entire extended family and the majority of our friends, and head to New York City so Tyler can take a new job that will allow our family more time together. I feel simultaneously terrified and relieved. Since we moved to Chicago four years ago, Tyler has been consulting with a firm that has required him to travel at least four days a week. We never planned for him to continue in this position as long as he has, but right when we had hoped he'd be able to leave, the economy took a nosedive and we were grateful he was employed.
Now, Tyler has found a position in Corporate Strategy that is not only an opportunity to leave consulting but is also with a company that excites him. I'm over the moon for him to have a job he enjoys more and that won't leave him dreading each new workweek. And to see Tyler every day? A dream come true! After all, living together was part of the plan when we married. For Tye to see Tyler each day will be even more exciting. She has reached the age in which she is sad when Daddy leaves each week, and she spends much of each Monday talking about Daddy leaving. It's heartbreaking.
Of course, this move terrifies me. Our family plays such a huge role in our lives that I can't imagine how we'll survive without them sometimes. Each Sunday, our siblings and their significant others join us for Family Sunday Funday, which pretty much consists of cooking and eating delicious food together. Adapting to Sundays without them is going to be really painful. We see both sets of our parents regularly, too, sometimes even both on the same weekend. They've been our go-to babysitters for Tye, for which we've been extremely grateful.
And of course, we're leaving just months before our second child is born. When I discovered I was pregnant, I instantly thought of my amazing support system- family so closeby, and all my amazing like-minded mama friends, who I knew would ease my transition into a mother of two. My heart breaks when I think of leaving everyone. I've cried over and over as we made this decision. But then I see something like this:
Isn't this enough of a reason to make a change? Our family unit will be together. We'll have each other, and I fully expect this move to bring us even closer. From our past experiences together, Tyler and I know we can face anything with each other. Heck, we're moving to a place where I speak the native language- we're going to be just fine.
This weekend, Tyler and I are flying out to NYC to look at apartments, hopefully with a move-in date of early October. Did you catch that? (No, not the early October part, even though that is insanely soon.) Tyler and I are flying- without Tye. Tye is going to stay home Saturday night with GG, Tyler's mom. Between the flights there and back, a full day of in-and-out of a car and in-and-out of apartments, and a night in a hotel room, I honestly believe this will be easier on Tye. But maybe not easier one me- this will be my first night without Tye since she was born, and I'm super emotional about it. I know she'll be with someone she loves dearly who will be able to comfort her in my absence, and I truly believe this is in her best interest. But I'm going to miss her like I'd miss my right arm. Maybe worse.
We have a lot of changes coming up- a new home in a new state, a new job and family schedule, new friends (hopefully!), new midwife care.... There will be a lot changing in a short amount of time. Having experienced changes like this in my past, I've learned enough to be excited for myself. I know that I'll survive, and that even if it's really hard, I'll come out better for it. However, this is my first time making a transition of this magnitude with Tye. I'm hoping and praying that we can make all these changes as easy as possible for Tye. I hope to support her ability to adapt, her confidence, and her resiliency by taking full advantage of the strong attachments she has developed with us. Hopefully we can re-establish our routine once we arrive in our new home and create as much stability as possible even as the changes continue. After all, it won't be long before an even bigger change arrives in January. If nothing else, this is going to be a REALLY exciting six months.