You know that feeling when your stomach turns over on itself, either because you know something bad is coming or because you've just witnessed something horrible? I've had that way, way to often this weekend.
We had a great day Saturday with old friends visiting, including a family with a boy a couple months older than Tye. The two are good friends and love playing together; they spent hours engaged in actual shared play (playing with each other, not just next to each other) by themselves, little adult intervention required. We adults sat in the living room listening to them cracking themselves up in Tye's room for most of the afternoon.
Then Tye's friend wanted to play hide and seek, a game he thought was perfect with two bedroom doors right next to each other. He could quickly move from one to the other and by closing the door, be in a new hiding place. (Can you see where this is going?) Of course, no two year old knows how to just close a door- doors are either open or slammed shut. And Tye wanted to chase him. So after many near misses and many many requests- even firm ones- to keep the doors open, when I heard a slam followed by a scream, my stomach did one of those flip-flops.
I walked over to the closed door and could see Tye's finger tips sticking out through the door frame. Flip-flop. I opened the door and saw blood on Tye's fingers as I picked her up. Flip-flop. Then I saw her finger nail, completely pulled out of the nail bed, hanging by a small thread. Flip-flop, flip-flop, straight up nausea. I think I somewhat calmly asked Tyler to come help me as I carried Tye to the bathroom. Tyler held her finger behind her to avoid her seeing the blood, and I did the only thing I could think of to calm her down- nursed her. As soon as she latched on, Tye calmed down significantly and Tyler was able to wipe away the blood, apply some colloidal silver, and put a bandage on her finger. We nursed a bit longer and cuddled for a while after that, giving Tye several doses of homeopathic pain relief. Once Tye rejoined her friend, we spent the rest of the night trying to figure out how to keep a bandage on such a tiny finger.
I'm pretty sure the whole event was way more traumatic for me than it was for Tye. She did have a hard time sleeping that evening because her finger hurt (and after a dose of Children's Tylenol, because her belly hurt), but Tye is pretty excited about her Band-Aid on her finger and she'll have a cool owie to show her friends and family over the holidays. I, on the other hand, relive that heart-flopping feeling every time I re-bandage Tye's finger. My heart breaks thinking about the pain my little one suffered.
All this, and yet I when I take a step back, I realize how minor this injury really is. Tye will make a full recovery and have no lasting effects (assuming the nail regrows). We're so fortunate to have a healthy child who has never suffered a major injury. I'm incredibly grateful that this minor injury- so minor it didn't even require a call to the doctor- is the most traumatic event we've endured. We are so blessed. I'm going to pray we keep up our healthy streak, because I don't know how much more heart-flopping I would be able to handle.
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. -Elizabeth Stone