Tye's thoughts on coconut water

Ever wondered what breastmilk tastes like? According to Tye, it tastes like coconut water- so much so that she calls coconut water "milk" when requesting the cartons at corner bodegas. Just more evidence that breastmilk is sweet stuff.

In tandem

 Tandem nursing isn't always easy.  I sometimes feel like I have someone attached to my boob morning, noon, and night (especially night).  But I absolutely think it makes parenting two, who are only 26 months apart, easier.  When both are grumpy, we can sit on the couch and everyone can cheer up together.  When both are tired, I can get everyone to sleep at once.  And there are plenty of moments like this that make it all so very worthwhile.  

My heart almost burst...

when I looked down at my girls nursing and saw this.

Breastfeeding

What my friends think I do

What society thinks I do

What the media thinks I do

What my babies think I do

What I think I do

What I really do

See some of the memes that inspired this one here.

Photo credit: hippy mama flasher positive mama mama cow Picasso mama

A Good Day

Today was a good day with lots of firsts.  It was the first time I tandem nursed the girls in front of non-family at this morning's La Leche League meeting.  I also met another tandem-nursing mom there- the first mom I've met in Brooklyn who is nursing a toddler, much less a toddler and infant. It's nice to know others exist.

We arrived home to find a package that contained a gift for Etta, which Tye happily helped open.  Inside was the most beautiful baby sweater I've ever seen, no exaggeration.  Remember the Bucktown Baby dress? Jen knit Etta a stunning cardigan.  This photo doesn't do it justice- the yarn is so soft that it creates a gentle haze around the sweet ruffles (the photo isn't blurry- the sweater is just that soft), and those red buttons are a collection of antique buttons, each one unique.  There are much more beautiful photos of it here, with better lighting. Oh, how I wish it would grow with Etta so she could wear it forever. At least until she goes to college...

This afternoon, we tackled our first doctor's appointment with both girls in tow, and it went really well. Etta is healing from her frenectomy beautifully, with no scar tissue forming (hard to believe that was only two weeks ago). All this was determined despite the fact that she slept through the entire appointment. Meanwhile, Tye played quietly and happily next to us.

We celebrated our big day with a long walk in the snow showers and then warmed up while we waited for pizza to be delivered. Not every day has been easy recently. This transition to two children has brought its bumps in the road.  Today, I may not have made dinner, our home may be scattered with toys and clothes, and the laundry may not be folded, but it was a good day with big firsts, great news, a beautiful gift, and happy moods throughout.  And a good day like today is worth celebrating.

All Tied Up

During the hours after Etta's birth, she nursed quietly and slept peacefully.  Our midwife left just a few hours after her birth, leaving us to catch up on rest and bond as a family of four, knowing she would be back the next day to check on us.  That evening, as Etta let out one of her first real cries, I caught a glimpse of her little pink heart-shaped tongue.  Etta is tongue tied.

The heart shape; it sometimes looks even more pronounced.

I wasn't at all surprised to see the tip of Etta's tongue being pulled down by her tight frenulum.  My paternal grandfather, his three daughters including my mother, and one of my younger brothers were all tongue tied, and all but my brother had their tongues clipped.  When our midwife returned the next day, she confirmed that Etta is definitely tongue tied, but thought that between the strength of her latch and her ability to to reach her tongue beyond her gum line, that we would be okay nursing in the short term at least.  The midwife decided to return again on the third day to weigh Etta again, just to be sure she didn't lose more than 10% of her body weight.  By then, Etta was within the 10% weight loss allowed and my milk was already coming in, so we felt good about waiting until our one week appointment with the pediatrician.


Signs of tongue tie include Etta's heart-shaped tongue; difficulty latching, staying latched or a painful latch; slow weight gain; and recurrent clogged ducts and/or mastitis (especially if combined with slow weight gain).  When a newborn is tongue tied, her shorter tongue makes establishing an effective latch difficult or impossible, which in turn makes emptying the breast a challenge (making the mother prone to clogged ducts and mastitis).  With that in mind, I started several practices to make sure Etta would get as much milk as possible and gain as much as she could in her first week.  


First, I made sure Etta nursed at least every two hours- and often, Etta ensured she nursed at even shorter intervals.  Because she was drinking less at each feeding than she would have been with a great latch, those feedings needed to happen more often.  During nursing sessions, I used breast compressions to help Etta empty the breast (Dr. Jack Newman has a great video on breast compression technique, which you can use with any nursling, available on YouTube here).  To help establish a sufficient supply, I let Tye nurse often in place of pumping after nursing, which prevents a low supply that can accompany a poor latch.  


Using these techniques, Etta regained a good amount of the weight she lost after the birth by her one week appointment and weighed in at 6 pounds 8 ounces, close to the 6 pounds 13 ounces she weighed at birth.  By her two week appointment this past Thursday, Etta was up to 7 pounds even.  Although she wasn't worried about it, the pediatrician referred us to an Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist to look at the tongue tie because I expressed my concern at Etta's constant nursing, inability to clear the breast, and air intake during nursing causing extreme gassiness.  


Then, Thursday afternoon, I suddenly came down with mastitis.  I woke from a nap with a throbbing lump in my breast and within hours had a fever, chills, body aches, and a red, hot, swollen breast.  Thankfully, my mom is in town this week and was able to help entertain Tye and take care of me while I rested and tried a variety of natural remedies to take care of the infection.  By Saturday morning, with my regimen of raw garlic, increased vitamin C, topical applications of lavender essential oil, extra sleep, alternating heat and massage, and frequent nursing, my fever had broken.  I'm still keeping up everything I was doing because I still have a red, warm lump on my breast signaling at least a clogged duct, but now that the fever has lowered, I feel significantly better.  


At least, physically, I feel better.  Emotionally, I'm nervous about our appointment on Wednesday with the specialist.  I think Etta is a great candidate for a frenectomy, but I worry about the pain she'll experience and her- and my own- ability to cope with that.  Though my mom leaves town tomorrow, my dad will be here to help watch Tye during the appointment- something I'm extremely thankful for, since I don't think I could handle such an emotional appointment with Tye along, too (couldn't you just imagine the three of us all in tears, the doctor staring at us, speechless?).  


I'm hoping the frenectomy can be done quickly at the appointment Wednesday and that it provides a solution to Etta's weak latch, her constant nursing, and her gassiness, and that it prevents future bouts of mastitis.  Hopefully, the short-lived pain will be outweighed by the result of a happier baby, healthier mama, and easier nursing relationship.  Time, and likely a snip, will tell.  


Another great post on tongue tie, its symptoms and diagnosis, its affect on breastfeeding, and frenectomies was posted recently by Mommypotamus- a great read!  And Kellymom.com has great information available here.

Happy Birth Day, Etta!

On Wednesday, I washed three loads of laundry and baked two batches of cookies and cleaned our whole apartment top to bottom.  It wasn’t out of necessity- I was scrounging to find laundry dirty enough to wash and cleaning an already clean house.  I can only explain it as hormone-driven nesting, which felt like an intense, deep-down need to do those things.  It was the most intense of day of a week of nesting, during which time I accomplished everything on my to-do-before-baby list.  Physically, I was feeling quite uncomfortable- for almost a month, Baby Girl had been sitting so low I felt she might pop out if I squatted down; the Braxton-Hicks contractions were frequent and intense at times; and though the nesting hormones helped me accomplish an insane number of chores, they were keeping me from resting at all, and I was exhausted. 

Late that evening, while I was in the shower, I decided to have a little chat with Baby Girl.  With the hot water relaxing my sore back, I told her, You can come out any time now, Baby Girl.  We’re all ready to meet you.  I’m ready to meet you and kiss you; your Daddy might say he wants to work another couple days, but he has his whole life to work; and your sister is really excited for the milk you’re going to bring her.  We are all as ready as we’ll ever be, and we can’t wait to meet you.  You can come out whenever you’re ready.

I went to bed soon after, hoping for some rest.  I remember dreaming about contractions I was having, thinking These aren’t stronger than the ones I’ve been having, but each one is lasting longer.  I forgot how long actual labor contractions last. These are the real thing.  I’m definitely having this baby tonight.  So I should try to sleep through them for as long as I can….  Then soon after, These feel really close together.  Maybe I should be timing them.

Over the next two and a half hours, I had light but long contractions every 2-4 minutes as I took a warm bath, emptied the dishwasher, folded the last of the laundry, re-organized the refrigerator, and made chocolate chip almond flour scones.  Then suddenly, the contractions slowed and intensified.  The first intense contraction came, followed by another 10 minutes later, another 9 minutes after that, then 8, 7, 6, then several 5 minutes apart.  I called Linda, our midwife, at 3:02am and she headed over to us. 

Around 3:30, I woke Tyler and we started our home birth preparations- making the bed, moving furniture to make room for the birth tub, setting the mood with music and candles as we kept the lights low.  When Linda and her midwife assistant arrived, Tyler started blowing up the inflatable birth tub while Linda checked me.  Six to seven centimeters.  The midwife assistant got a kick out of my ability to rattle off all the food I had made for them while enjoying a cup of tea at 6-7 centimeters, and we had a good conversation about being foodies and good restaurants in NYC and Chicago. 

During that time, I made one special request of the birth team- that they remind me to open my eyes when Baby Girl enters the world.  When Tye was born, I was focusing all my energy on pushing and in my concentration, didn’t open my eyes to witness for myself Tye’s arrival into our world.  I remember the sounds of her birth, the feeling of her body slipping out of mine, and the flood of emotions with incredibly vivid clarity.  There’s just no visual to go with it.  Since Tye’s birth, I’ve wished so much that I could have just opened my eyes to fully experience her entrance.  With this birth, my heart was set on keeping my eyes open to witness the entire birth.  As I explained to the midwife and her assistant, I didn’t want to miss out on anything.

Over the next few hours, I continued to move around during my contractions.  We called the doula who would be hanging out with Tye during the birth, and she arrived just as Tye woke for the day.  Sometime between 6:30 and 7, I got in the tub.

The water helped ease me through the contractions and relax even more between them.  I could feel Baby Girl’s head just a couple inches inside, which was encouraging.  By sometime around 8 am, the contractions were so intense that I threw up after one of them.  I kept thinking I’d be ready to push when the next one arrived- but as much as my mind wanted to enter the pushing stage, my body wasn’t in the same place. 

Then, in the middle of a contraction, my water broke.  The popping sensation felt like a swift punch to my contracted uterus- definitely the most painful contraction of the whole day.  But with that one contraction, my body was suddenly ready, and I began to push. 

The pushing contractions were long and right on top of each other.  I felt like I had about 15 seconds between them, if that.  During the first two, I remember thinking, If I keep pushing as hard as I can, I’m going to tear.  But if I ease up, it will take longer for her to come out…  But I quickly gave up on holding back and just let my body push as hard as I could.  As Baby Girl was crowning and I was feeling that Ring of Fire, I had this sudden vision of chunky newborn baby legs.  As I imagined kissing the chubby creases of Baby Girl’s thighs, my heart felt like it was going to explode with love for this little baby who was about to enter our world.  I felt myself pushing with a new, almost primal power.

Suddenly, I heard Linda say, “Okay, on this next push, you’re going to have a baby!” I could hardly believe it was happening so quickly.  Without a break, the next contraction came on and Baby Girl’s head came out.  I opened my eyes just as I pushed the rest of Baby Girl’s body into the clear blue water. 

In both of my birth experiences, the moment when baby’s body slips out of mine is purely, truly miraculous.  It’s as if a switch is flipped and my whole body- my whole life- is changed.  I feel that surge of maternal hormones flood my body immediately.  It’s hard to explain.  I know not all mothers feel that wash of emotions at the same time, and there’s nothing else to compare it to.  When else do we knowingly experience our lives changing so significantly in the blink of an eye?  For me, that moment- feeling baby’s slippery limbs slide into their own existence- is magical. It’s precious, powerful, and unforgettable.   And this time, my eyes were wide open.

As Linda scooped up Baby Girl, she said something about the cord, but I was so eager to hold Baby Girl in my arms that I barely listened.  Linda pulled the cord from around Baby Girl’s neck where it was loosely wrapped once, and finally, she was mine to hold.   In a few seconds, she took her first breaths.  She was bluish and had a thin layer of vernix over her body (she was, after all, only 38 ½ weeks), but with a little time and back rubbing, she pinked up as we let the cord continue to pulse.  I told Baby Girl over and over again how much I love her as Tyler proudly declared from behind the video camera, “Yup, she looks just like me.” 

Soon, I moved to the bed, where we were covered with warm towels before Tyler cut the cord and I delivered the placenta.  Baby Girl latched on like a little nursing champ as Linda gave me five tiny stitches where I had just slightly torn skin.

Tye could see me from the hallway, but she wasn’t quite ready to come into the room just yet. When I was ready to stand up and make my way to the bathroom, Tyler carried Baby Girl into Tye’s room.  Upon seeing the baby, she whispered excitedly, “Shhh, baby sleeping!”  Once I was back in bed, Tye ran in and jumped in next to me.  I took Baby Girl back and began to nurse her, and Tye asked to nurse.  I never thought it would be me, but now I have a photo of me tandem nursing just minutes postpartum.  And nothing could make me prouder than cuddling both of my girls, watching Tye reach out to hold Baby Girl’s hand, and hearing her say in her sweet voice (nipple still partially in her mouth), “Hi, Baby Sister.” 

As soon as our tandem nursing session was over, Tye went back to playing with her new favorite grownup friends and everyone else set about cleaning up.  Tyler made me scrambled eggs and we toasted our daughter’s birth with Dogfish Head 90-Minute IPA, the same favorite microbrew we drank to celebrate Tye’s birth.  Amidst the hustle and bustle, Baby Girl and I laid in bed, skin to skin, nursing on and off as we took each other in.

We called family members and I cried tears of joy as we shared our news.  Every time Tyler tried to take a picture of me, the reality of the moment hit me and I started crying again.  The pictures may not be the most flattering, but they hold that much more emotion for me.

By around noon, everyone left.  We all, in various states of undress, climbed into bed together and took turns snuggling skin to skin and sleeping.

Eventually, Tyler and I decided on a name for Baby Girl- Etta Maeve.  That night, the four of us slept in our bed, in our home together- Tyler, Emily, Tye, and Etta.  Our family of four.

NWP

My life has taken me plenty of crazy places I never expected- living in Germany, eating vegan for several years, working at a trendy denim boutique in central New York and later for a Jewish non-profit agency.  Now I have another activity to add to that list- nursing while pregnant.  


It was something I had never even considered until close to the end of my pregnancy with Tye, when I was reading our birth class instructor's resume online. There, she listed tandem nursing among her experiences.  Clueless, I Googled the term and found this Wikipedia site, which explained that tandem nursing is "feeding two children at the same time who are not twins or multiples." (By the way, when I searched the term today, many non-Wikipedia sites came up before the Wikipedia site did.  Is it possible the term has become more common in the past two years?)  


I hadn't even known tandem nursing or nursing through pregnancy were possible.  I certainly didn't see myself tandem nursing in the future.  I was still unsure what my own breastfeeding relationship would look like with Tye.  Like so many aspects of parenting, I was leaving it up to what felt right in the moment, hoping I would follow my instincts and make the best choice for Baby Girl.  


So here we are, two years later.  Tye is still nursing, which feels right to me.  On a normal day, Tye nurses upon waking, before nap, and before bed, and usually one to two super-short sips at night.   Now, when Tye is hurt or upset, she usually copes with her emotions without nursing, though nursing is still the best way to calm her when she's overwhelmed by a new situation (brave little Tye, though, is far more likely to overwhelm others than become overwhelmed herself!).  When Tye sees me changing, she'll point to my breasts and mumble something about na nas (our nursing code word) while she shakes her head "no" and giggles, as if she's saying "I don't need to have those any more."  If Tye does ask for na nas during the day, it's more likely a sign that other needs aren't being met- she's hungry or thirsty, or needs some cuddle time.  


Before I became pregnant again, I read a fabulous book titled Adventures in Tandem Nursing: Breastfeeding During Pregnancy and Beyond by Hillary Flower.  It's full of relevant science, cultural studies, and best of all, personal experiences from hundreds of women who have tried tandem nursing (not all successfully- an aspect I especially appreciated).  I decided when the time came, I would listen to my body rather than weaning Tye automatically.  


That time came a little sooner than I really expected (I unknowingly finished the book after this little one was conceived), and I was grateful for my timely preparation.  The first few weeks of nursing Tye were barely different for me, and didn't seem to be any different for her.  Then I went through about two weeks when I seemed to have more milk than before, followed by a sharp decline in supply (what a tease!).  Tye began to switch sides during nursing more quickly and more often.  During my second month of pregnancy, I began to feel really uncomfortable with Tye nursing for a long period of time- for example, if she nursed longer than 30-45 minutes before falling asleep, a rare occurrence but a possibility.  I began keeping Tye's water next to our bed so I could offer her a drink in the middle of the night, which has been a lifesaver.  Instead of nursing to quench her thirst, now she wakes and asks or reaches for water when she wakes at night (that made me wonder how much of Tye's nighttime comfort nursing in the past was actually for thirst!).


So far, nursing during pregnancy has been easy and felt instinctively right.  I wouldn't have chosen to wean Tye at this age if I wasn't pregnant, and breastfeeding is going well for us, even if it does look a little different.  I'm consciously listening to my body, and I expect things to change, especially as my colostrum comes in when I'm further along.  With my history of early contractions, the thought of contractions during nursing has crossed my mind, but I've decided to deal with challenges when/if we get there.  I'll continue to listen to my body and follow my parenting instincts, whether it leads to weaning or tandem nursing down the road.  One lesson I've learned well through my unpredictable life is that it's not worth stressing over hypothetical situations.  I rarely end up where I thought I would be anyway.