Hello, 30!

Wow.  What a difference a year can make.  

I celebrated another birthday this past week, and of course, it had me thinking back over the year.  Last year, I wasn't yet pregnant.  While the idea was already being discussed, I didn't expect a second baby before my next birthday.  Last year, the idea of moving wasn't even on our radar.  We were grateful Tyler had a job, even if it included traveling, and we thought we'd be in Chicago indefinitely.  Last year feels like half a lifetime ago.  

This year, I welcomed a new decade- my 30s.  Thanks to the past year, I have plenty more life events checked off my bucket list, and then some- like living in New York City, a dream of mine back when I was in high school, but one I let go years ago.  I not only had a second child, I had her at home, in a tub in my own bedroom.  I became a La Leche League leader.  I knit matching hats for my daughter and my newborn, and I put my daughter's hair in a ponytail.  

So what does this next decade hold?  I've learned not to plan too much, because I never know what is coming.  I welcome it with open arms, an open mind, and great enthusiasm.  But if this next year holds fewer changes than the last, I'd be okay with that, too.

Many, many, many thanks to my friend Amy Postle, who photographed me with my girls on my 30th birthday!  What a treasure.

A Good Day

Today was a good day with lots of firsts.  It was the first time I tandem nursed the girls in front of non-family at this morning's La Leche League meeting.  I also met another tandem-nursing mom there- the first mom I've met in Brooklyn who is nursing a toddler, much less a toddler and infant. It's nice to know others exist.

We arrived home to find a package that contained a gift for Etta, which Tye happily helped open.  Inside was the most beautiful baby sweater I've ever seen, no exaggeration.  Remember the Bucktown Baby dress? Jen knit Etta a stunning cardigan.  This photo doesn't do it justice- the yarn is so soft that it creates a gentle haze around the sweet ruffles (the photo isn't blurry- the sweater is just that soft), and those red buttons are a collection of antique buttons, each one unique.  There are much more beautiful photos of it here, with better lighting. Oh, how I wish it would grow with Etta so she could wear it forever. At least until she goes to college...

This afternoon, we tackled our first doctor's appointment with both girls in tow, and it went really well. Etta is healing from her frenectomy beautifully, with no scar tissue forming (hard to believe that was only two weeks ago). All this was determined despite the fact that she slept through the entire appointment. Meanwhile, Tye played quietly and happily next to us.

We celebrated our big day with a long walk in the snow showers and then warmed up while we waited for pizza to be delivered. Not every day has been easy recently. This transition to two children has brought its bumps in the road.  Today, I may not have made dinner, our home may be scattered with toys and clothes, and the laundry may not be folded, but it was a good day with big firsts, great news, a beautiful gift, and happy moods throughout.  And a good day like today is worth celebrating.

Advice to a Mother-To-Be

Yesterday, I co-hosted a beautiful New Mother Celebration, a kind of a baby shower in which we concentrated on welcoming the expectant mom to this new stage in life.  We rubbed her feet and her neck, brought her her favorite foods and recent cravings, and shared our wishes for her birth- an emotional outpouring that had all of us in joyful tears.  It was truly beautiful.


We also each wrote down our mothering advice and insights, which will be compiled along with photos of the celebration to form a memory book of today.  This got me thinking of a whole variety of ideas I wish someone had shared with me before Tye was born.  Here are a few things I've learned along my way.

• Follow your instinct.  No matter what you decide, someone somewhere will back you up, so go with your gut.
• As soon as possible after the birth, write your birth story, including all the details you remember.  Though it seems impossible, those details will be hard- if not impossible- to remember in a few short weeks, and you'll be thankful you saved them.
• Take pictures of your babe nursing, from your point of view. It's a glimpse of a sweet moment you'll treasure later.
• Mothers weren't meant to mother alone, but in a community, with support. Don't be ashamed to ask for help, or to have friends over when the house is messy, or to simply take help when it is offered. We've all been there, and we're offering because we want to.
• Find or build a tribe of like-minded moms.  Meet them at Attachment Parenting support groups, La Leche League meetings, or Holistic Moms Network meetings.
• If you're considering seeing a Lactation Consultant, just do it.  You'll be glad you did, and sooner is always better for your supply and your baby.
• Don't forget that just because your hug quota was met for the day by your hours of cuddling baby, your husband's most likely wasn't.  Give him lots of hugs, too.
• Every stage, by definition, has an end.
• When friends and family hold your baby for too long (you'll know it when you miss her), just tell them it's time to nurse. That's something only you can do, and you get baby back. It's okay to do this every 15 minutes.
• Have your husband help choose the color of your baby carrier so he will feel comfortable wearing it (our favorites were a ring sling and later the Ergo).
• When the whole world asks if your baby is sleeping through the night yet, it's okay to smile and respond, "She's a great sleeper," or "We get lots of sleep," even if it's only true because you sleep beside her while she nurses all night long. They'll think you're a great parent- which you are.

Photos from your own point of view remind you how sweet that cuddle actually was.

What is your advice for a new mother?  What do you wish you had known?

Nursing Confidently

I make milk.  What's your superpower? Tshirt at expressiva.com

This weekend, we're going on a trip to visit friends in Seattle.  Tye is a well-traveled kiddo, and every flight but one in the past has gone supremely well (and that one wasn't even bad- just not perfect).  This trip, on top of worrying about Tye sitting still and refraining from her random pterodactyl screams, I have a new concern: How will the strangers around me react when I start nursing my toddler?


I realize the silliness of this concern- that these are strangers, so why would I care what they think; that I'm doing what I always do, so why is this location any different?  I know the World Health Organization and American Academy of Pediatrics both recommend nursing to the age of two or beyond.  I know what I'm doing is what is best for Tye, and it's working well for both of us.  But being able to argue against the concern doesn't make it disappear.


When other breastfeeding mamas and I encounter people who are surprised that we are nursing toddlers, I often remind the other mamas that the other person's shock likely comes from simply not knowing any better.  It's easy for me to remember that, because once, I was that person.  Until I was pregnant with Tye, I didn't know the benefits of extended nursing and thought most people weaned around the age of 1, certainly before the child could walk up to nurse or help herself to the breast, and likely before she had many, if any, teeth.  When we lived in Ithaca, my beloved little "hippie commune" of a town, I saw women who nursed their children who were much older and though I never thought poorly of it- "to each their own," I would say to myself- I never thought I would be doing it later on.  


Several years later, here I am, nursing my toddler.  She is over one year old, can walk across the room, says several words, has four sharp teeth, and tries to reach down my shirt to help herself to a snack when she's hungry/tired/cranky/bored.  This image of myself is a new one to me, one I've only had a little over a year to prepare myself for, which I think is partly why I'm not as confident with it as I wish I was.  I'm working on it, though.  At the first La Leche League meeting I attended when Tye was only four months old, I was already interested in support for extended nursing.  I've met other fantastic moms at Holistic Moms Network who are nursing older toddlers and even tandem nursing.  I'm always quick to thank them for setting such a good example for us mothers of younger babes so we can follow their lead.  I know that  as I practice seeing myself in this role of mother-who-nurses-a-toddler, and as I have the opportunity to continue nursing Tye in public,  I'll gain more confidence.  


Until then, the idea of breastfeeding Tye in a crowded plane, so close to others, intimidates me.  Hopefully after our first nursing session, I'll realize it's no different than it was when Tye was just a few months old, and I won't even think twice about it on the way home.  And if the other passengers on the plane learn something about extended breastfeeding, that would be icing on the cake.

Attached Girls

According to an article in the LA Times, the age at which a girl enters puberty is affected by her attachment to her first caregiver, usually the mother.  New research in Psychological Science shows that poor mother-daughter attachment is linked to early onset of puberty, which is in turn related to an increased risk of cancer, depression, anxiety, and earlier sexual activity, increasing risk of STDs and teen pregnancy.  Girls who were insecurely attached to their mothers were 2 1/2 times more likely to reach puberty early compared to girls who had strong attachments with their mothers.


Parenting aimed at creating a strong attachment- including breastfeeding on demand, baby wearing, co-sleeping, and responding to a child's cries- is so emotionally beneficial that its affects are seen in a child's physical well-being even years in the future.  It reminds me of the unofficial mantra I hear at local La Leche League meetings: "A baby's wants are a baby's needs."  Now there is evidence to prove that the attachment a baby wants is actually needed for good health later in life.

Meeting LLL

This morning, I went to my first La Leche League (LLL) meeting. I don't know what I was expecting- maybe new moms and babies, led by some gray-haired, grandmotherly-type lactation experts- but what I found turned out to be even better. At first, I was surprised by the noise level- the moms had all brought all their kids, with most appearing to be between 1 and 3 years. There were a few infants, too, all nestled into their mom's chests and nursing frequently, as I expected. We started the meeting above the cacophony of children's voices, but soon I didn't even notice the background noise.

Today's guided topic was Natural Child Spacing and how to use breastfeeding as birth control, using Sheila Kippley's book Breastfeeding and Natural Child Spacing as the main resource. I was introduced to the term ecological breastfeeding, which is defined as feeding on demand (both for nutrition and for comforting), feeding only breastmilk, staying close to the baby, co-sleeping, and not using a pacifier. When a woman practices ecological breastfeeding, her chances of conceiving before 3 months are almost none; from 3-6 months, 2%; and from 6-12 months, 6%. The average new mother practicing ecological breastfeeding begins menstruating again at 15 months.

Throughout the discussion, conversation wandered off-topic to other ideas that seemed to interest the group. While we talked about co-sleeping, I shared my frustration on the lack of accessible literature online that supports co-sleeping. When we brought Tye home from the hospital, Tye naturally came into bed with us that first night. I hadn't done any research on co-sleeping before, though, and was concerned about the safety aspect, especially since Tye was sleeping on her stomach on our chests (it's a real SIDS rule-breaker to put a baby to sleep on her tummy). At first glance, all the articles contained strict warnings about the dangers of co-sleeping, but each contained at least one sentence mentioning that it can be safe. How's that for contradictions?

As it turns out, co-sleeping is safer for the baby than sleeping in a crib, with significantly decreased occurrences of SIDS and no crib safety-related deaths, as long as the family is breastfeeding, doesn't smoke, doesn't go to bed under the influence, and has a safe bed (without a crack between the bed and the wall for baby to fall into, and not a waterbed). The vast majority of families around the world safely co-sleep, and not for lack of resources but to stay close to the child. I had found it difficult to find information supporting co-sleeping, though, and only found it initially on mothering.com.

Other mothers at today's meeting agreed that the most accessible information online regarding co-sleeping is one-sided. One mother explained that studies on the dangers of co-sleeping were all conducted by crib or formula manufacturers, both of whom would benefit from a family purchasing a crib. When I mentioned that friends who visit us always ask where our crib is, everyone else chuckled knowingly. It was then that I realized that I had never before spoken face-to-face with someone about co-sleeping who was also co-sleeping. And here I was, in a room of women who were talking about including co-sleeping in family planning (and not for the lack of sex!).

Remember how I mentioned that most of the kids at the meeting were between 1 and 3 years old? They were all breastfeeding, too, even one who also had a younger sibling (a phenomenon called tandem nursing). I know Tye is only 3 1/2 months old, but I've already been thinking a lot about nursing older babies. It comes up frequently in conversations about breastfeeding in public. American women are told to breastfeed for their child's health, but are unwelcome doing so in public. Similarly, the American Academy of Pediatrics and the World Health Organization both recommend breastfeeding to at least the age of 2; yet women who breastfeed into toddlerhood face very real social stigmas. I don't know what the future holds for Tye and myself, but if I am able to continue to breastfeed into toddlerhood as I hope to, I appreciate knowing that LLL will provide me with a support network of other mothers doing the same.

I don't have many friends in the Chicago area with children, and most who I'm meeting aren't at all interested in the ways we're choosing to raise Tye- breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby wearing, even attending to her cries immediately. The LLL meeting today provided me with great support for our choices and a reminder that what we're doing isn't completely radical- at least not to everyone.