Mama Em

Similarities?

2012-02-09T13:52:00.002-06:00

Our family is in disagreement- what do you think? Do they look alike?

Etta at almost 5 weeks

Tye at 7 weeks

Thanks for the photo of Tye, Annette!

A Good Day

2012-02-08T21:52:00.002-06:00

Today was a good day with lots of firsts. It was the first time I tandem nursed the girls in front of non-family at this morning's La Leche League meeting. I also met another tandem-nursing mom there- the first mom I've met in Brooklyn who is nursing a toddler, much less a toddler and infant. It's nice to know others exist.

We arrived home to find a package that contained a gift for Etta, which Tye happily helped open. Inside was the most beautiful baby sweater I've ever seen, no exaggeration. Remember the Bucktown Baby dress? Jen knit Etta a stunning cardigan. This photo doesn't do it justice- the yarn is so soft that it creates a gentle haze around the sweet ruffles (the photo isn't blurry- the sweater is just that soft), and those red buttons are a collection of antique buttons, each one unique. There are much more beautiful photos of it here, with better lighting. Oh, how I wish it would grow with Etta so she could wear it forever. At least until she goes to college...

This afternoon, we tackled our first doctor's appointment with both girls in tow, and it went really well. Etta is healing from her frenectomy beautifully, with no scar tissue forming (hard to believe that was only two weeks ago). All this was determined despite the fact that she slept through the entire appointment. Meanwhile, Tye played quietly and happily next to us.

We celebrated our big day with a long walk in the snow showers and then warmed up while we waited for pizza to be delivered. Not every day has been easy recently. This transition to two children has brought its bumps in the road. Today, I may not have made dinner, our home may be scattered with toys and clothes, and the laundry may not be folded, but it was a good day with big firsts, great news, a beautiful gift, and happy moods throughout. And a good day like today is worth celebrating.

To Etta, at 1 month

2012-02-05T21:50:00.001-06:00

Dear Etta,

Already, it's been a month since your entrance to our world. Although it feels like yesterday, I can see how much you have changed during your first month. You've already outgrown your newborn sized clothes and the itty-bitty newborn diapers. The dark hair you were born with is thinning a bit, but you still have those dark eyebrows and lashes. Your eyes, on the other hand, are lightening slowly from black to dark bluish grey.

When you're awake now, you appear much more aware and alert because you actually look at your surroundings. You're already holding your head up well, trying to take in as much of the world as possible. You wear a very serious scowl on your face most of your awake time, with your brows furrowed into squiggly wrinkles. We do think you're trying to smile at us sometimes, and it''s hard not to look forward to that, if not just to balance out those serious faces you make.

You survived your first surgery this month- so minor, I know, and for that I'm forever grateful, but it was still a pretty major event in your life to have your tongue clipped. For a being who does little more than eating and sleeping, altering how you eat is a major change. Your latch is improving- it's definitely stronger and you seem to be taking in less air. Every once in a while, you stick out your tongue all the way past your lips and I think about how that would have been impossible without having it clipped. Then I often wonder if you hadn't had it clipped, if we would also be missing some of the chubbiness in your cheeks right now, and I'm so grateful we went through with it. If, many years from now, I still have a tendency to kiss your cheeks when you stick out your tongue, that's why.

You've had quite a first month and have grown and changed so much already, yet you're still so tiny. I know you still weigh less than some babies do at birth (there was a 13 pounder born in Iowa this week- thank you for coming out before you reached that size. Thank you.). I'm trying with all my might to soak up your tininess- your miniscule finger nails, your miniature feet, your itty-bitty lips. You are so much person, so much love wrapped into such a small package that it's hard to wrap my mind around you. It's a good reminder that our minds can't understand what our hearts can. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.

Love,
Mama

Happy Friday

2012-02-03T13:15:00.000-06:00

You know you're an Early Childhood Educator...

2012-02-02T08:49:00.001-06:00

...when you totally geek out the first time your daughter draws faces.

HUGE. DEVELOPMENTAL. MILESTONE.

And one proud, geeked-out mama.

Four Weeks

2012-02-02T06:37:00.001-06:00

Little Mama

2012-02-01T20:37:00.000-06:00

Us Three Girls

2012-01-31T06:58:00.000-06:00

I'll never forget telling one of my mommy friends in Chicago that we were moving to New York. When she realized I was going to be in New York when I had our second baby, she gasped and asked gravely, "What will you eat?" Thinking I perhaps misheard her (she speaks with a sometimes heavy Mexican accent), I asked her to clarify. "How will you get food? After the birth, what will you eat?" she wondered. I wondered, then, too.

We are truly blessed with generous family, though, who were willing to give up their time, vacation days, and resources to come and help us as we transitioned into a family of four. For the first couple days after Etta's birth, Tyler took care of us three girls while our parents re-worked plane trips to try to get to us sooner than they had planned (no one had anticipated Etta's arrival being ten days before her due date- except me, maybe). First, Tyler's mom stayed with us for a week, then my mom came for a week, and then my dad was here for a week. We fully realize how fortunate we are to have had so much help from family, especially since they all had to fly in to be with us. The lovingly home-cooked meals and help with housework really played a part in my recovery. Most of all, having someone to play with Tye so I could nurse Etta or hold Etta so I could cuddle with Tye was priceless. Dividing my attention between the two girls has been the hardest part of mothering two for me so far. Those extra hands for the past three weeks were lifesavers.

Yesterday was my first day with the girls without other adult help. To say I was nervous about it wouldn't be an exaggeration- on Sunday, I was pretty scared of what might happen- or not happen. I still spend a huge portion of each day sitting while I nurse Etta, and that can be hard for Tye, who has so much energy. Until Etta can nurse in the sling while I can simultaneously entertain/chase Tye, I worry about how I'll manage.

However, our first day was a notably excellent one. We made coconut macaroons in the morning, did a load of laundry, napped, went to the playground in the afternoon, ran an errand on the way home, and made dinner, all without any major meltdowns from any of us (and we didn't resort to turning on the TV ever!). That's a full day in my book. While I know they won't all be this easy, starting out on a good note- or a good day- is always helpful.

Photographic evidence that we made it to the playground on day one of Us Three Girls:

(Don't worry, I could see Etta's face easily as she slept on my chest.)

The Big Sis!

Third week update

2012-01-30T08:18:00.001-06:00

Wednesday's appointment with the Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist (which feels like forever ago) went incredibly smoothly. My dad was in town helping out, so he and Tye came with to the appointment and I was incredibly grateful to have someone watching Tye while I waited nervously in the waiting room. The doctor to whom we were referred was excellent- he was friendly and caring and also knew exactly what a breastfed newborn needs for an efficient latch. He clamped Etta's frenulum, then quickly snipped it and- perhaps the smartest move of the day- had me hold a piece of gauze and apply pressure over the cut for 90 seconds. Giving me a task at that moment forced me to into action rather than sitting, watching Etta and worrying about her. As I held the wad of gauze in place, Etta stopped crying and was ready to nurse after the 90 seconds were up. At home that evening, Etta seemed to be a little uncomfortable, which was hard to watch, but she slept well and was fine the next day.

The doctor who performed the fenectomy told me we'll likely see slow, continued improvement in Etta's latch over the next three weeks rather than an immediate improvement that day. Sure enough, Etta's latch seems to be slowly improving as she learns how to use her new tongue. Her latch is very noticeably stronger now, and she often needs less assistance to get a good, deep latch, but she still isn't completely clearing the breast on her own at a feeding. It's only been a few days, and Etta seems to be taking in less air when she nurses and has less gas, though both are still happening (then again, that just happens with some babies...). When Etta cries, I still look into her mouth at her new tongue in amazement.

I get to see that tongue fairly often. Etta's disposition is very different than Tye's when she was a newborn. While Tye slept all day, every day, and had to be roused for feedings, Etta rarely stays asleep for long periods of time and wants to nurse constantly (partly, perhaps, because she never gets all the milk out of my breasts). Whereas Tye, in her sleepy state, barely cried and never screamed unless it was really a serious event, Etta will be sitting or sleeping peacefully one second, then screaming the next. I'm very grateful that Etta isn't as sleepy as Tye was in her first weeks, because I know that sleepiness contributed to my supply issues with her (she, too, never finished the breast, because she would fall asleep two minutes into the feeding and then sleep several hours...). But I'm also grateful that Etta is my second child and I've had the experience of an easily consoled baby. I feel confident in my parenting style and choices and know significantly more about breastfeeding this time around, so I'm not second-guessing my every action. When Etta opens her mouth to scream and gives me a glimpse of her clipped tongue, I remind myself that she is making her needs known and that I'm doing everything possible to meet them.

Untied!

2012-01-25T20:38:00.000-06:00

One quick snip and hopefully a world of difference.

All Tied Up

2012-01-23T06:24:00.015-06:00

During the hours after Etta's birth, she nursed quietly and slept peacefully. Our midwife left just a few hours after her birth, leaving us to catch up on rest and bond as a family of four, knowing she would be back the next day to check on us. That evening, as Etta let out one of her first real cries, I caught a glimpse of her little pink heart-shaped tongue. Etta is tongue tied.

The heart shape; it sometimes looks even more pronounced.

I wasn't at all surprised to see the tip of Etta's tongue being pulled down by her tight frenulum. My paternal grandfather, his three daughters including my mother, and one of my younger brothers were all tongue tied, and all but my brother had their tongues clipped. When our midwife returned the next day, she confirmed that Etta is definitely tongue tied, but thought that between the strength of her latch and her ability to to reach her tongue beyond her gum line, that we would be okay nursing in the short term at least. The midwife decided to return again on the third day to weigh Etta again, just to be sure she didn't lose more than 10% of her body weight. By then, Etta was within the 10% weight loss allowed and my milk was already coming in, so we felt good about waiting until our one week appointment with the pediatrician.

Signs of tongue tie include Etta's heart-shaped tongue; difficulty latching, staying latched or a painful latch; slow weight gain; and recurrent clogged ducts and/or mastitis (especially if combined with slow weight gain). When a newborn is tongue tied, her shorter tongue makes establishing an effective latch difficult or impossible, which in turn makes emptying the breast a challenge (making the mother prone to clogged ducts and mastitis). With that in mind, I started several practices to make sure Etta would get as much milk as possible and gain as much as she could in her first week.

First, I made sure Etta nursed at least every two hours- and often, Etta ensured she nursed at even shorter intervals. Because she was drinking less at each feeding than she would have been with a great latch, those feedings needed to happen more often. During nursing sessions, I used breast compressions to help Etta empty the breast (Dr. Jack Newman has a great video on breast compression technique, which you can use with any nursling, available on YouTube here). To help establish a sufficient supply, I let Tye nurse often in place of pumping after nursing, which prevents a low supply that can accompany a poor latch.

Using these techniques, Etta regained a good amount of the weight she lost after the birth by her one week appointment and weighed in at 6 pounds 8 ounces, close to the 6 pounds 13 ounces she weighed at birth. By her two week appointment this past Thursday, Etta was up to 7 pounds even. Although she wasn't worried about it, the pediatrician referred us to an Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist to look at the tongue tie because I expressed my concern at Etta's constant nursing, inability to clear the breast, and air intake during nursing causing extreme gassiness.

Then, Thursday afternoon, I suddenly came down with mastitis. I woke from a nap with a throbbing lump in my breast and within hours had a fever, chills, body aches, and a red, hot, swollen breast. Thankfully, my mom is in town this week and was able to help entertain Tye and take care of me while I rested and tried a variety of natural remedies to take care of the infection. By Saturday morning, with my regimen of raw garlic, increased vitamin C, topical applications of lavender essential oil, extra sleep, alternating heat and massage, and frequent nursing, my fever had broken. I'm still keeping up everything I was doing because I still have a red, warm lump on my breast signaling at least a clogged duct, but now that the fever has lowered, I feel significantly better.

At least, physically, I feel better. Emotionally, I'm nervous about our appointment on Wednesday with the specialist. I think Etta is a great candidate for a frenectomy, but I worry about the pain she'll experience and her- and my own- ability to cope with that. Though my mom leaves town tomorrow, my dad will be here to help watch Tye during the appointment- something I'm extremely thankful for, since I don't think I could handle such an emotional appointment with Tye along, too (couldn't you just imagine the three of us all in tears, the doctor staring at us, speechless?).

I'm hoping the frenectomy can be done quickly at the appointment Wednesday and that it provides a solution to Etta's weak latch, her constant nursing, and her gassiness, and that it prevents future bouts of mastitis. Hopefully, the short-lived pain will be outweighed by the result of a happier baby, healthier mama, and easier nursing relationship. Time, and likely a snip, will tell.

Another great post on tongue tie, its symptoms and diagnosis, its affect on breastfeeding, and frenectomies was posted recently by Mommypotamus- a great read! And Kellymom.com has great information available here.

Zzzzzzzzz....

2012-01-22T09:14:00.001-06:00

Good morning :)

2012-01-19T09:07:00.001-06:00

Day 9

2012-01-14T08:34:00.000-06:00

Happy Birth Day, Etta!

2012-01-13T12:39:00.001-06:00

On Wednesday, I washed three loads of laundry and baked two batches of cookies and cleaned our whole apartment top to bottom. It wasn’t out of necessity- I was scrounging to find laundry dirty enough to wash and cleaning an already clean house. I can only explain it as hormone-driven nesting, which felt like an intense, deep-down need to do those things. It was the most intense of day of a week of nesting, during which time I accomplished everything on my to-do-before-baby list. Physically, I was feeling quite uncomfortable- for almost a month, Baby Girl had been sitting so low I felt she might pop out if I squatted down; the Braxton-Hicks contractions were frequent and intense at times; and though the nesting hormones helped me accomplish an insane number of chores, they were keeping me from resting at all, and I was exhausted.

Late that evening, while I was in the shower, I decided to have a little chat with Baby Girl. With the hot water relaxing my sore back, I told her, You can come out any time now, Baby Girl. We’re all ready to meet you. I’m ready to meet you and kiss you; your Daddy might say he wants to work another couple days, but he has his whole life to work; and your sister is really excited for the milk you’re going to bring her. We are all as ready as we’ll ever be, and we can’t wait to meet you. You can come out whenever you’re ready.

I went to bed soon after, hoping for some rest. I remember dreaming about contractions I was having, thinking These aren’t stronger than the ones I’ve been having, but each one is lasting longer. I forgot how long actual labor contractions last. These are the real thing. I’m definitely having this baby tonight. So I should try to sleep through them for as long as I can…. Then soon after, These feel really close together. Maybe I should be timing them.

Over the next two and a half hours, I had light but long contractions every 2-4 minutes as I took a warm bath, emptied the dishwasher, folded the last of the laundry, re-organized the refrigerator, and made chocolate chip almond flour scones. Then suddenly, the contractions slowed and intensified. The first intense contraction came, followed by another 10 minutes later, another 9 minutes after that, then 8, 7, 6, then several 5 minutes apart. I called Linda, our midwife, at 3:02am and she headed over to us.

Around 3:30, I woke Tyler and we started our home birth preparations- making the bed, moving furniture to make room for the birth tub, setting the mood with music and candles as we kept the lights low. When Linda and her midwife assistant arrived, Tyler started blowing up the inflatable birth tub while Linda checked me. Six to seven centimeters. The midwife assistant got a kick out of my ability to rattle off all the food I had made for them while enjoying a cup of tea at 6-7 centimeters, and we had a good conversation about being foodies and good restaurants in NYC and Chicago.

During that time, I made one special request of the birth team- that they remind me to open my eyes when Baby Girl enters the world. When Tye was born, I was focusing all my energy on pushing and in my concentration, didn’t open my eyes to witness for myself Tye’s arrival into our world. I remember the sounds of her birth, the feeling of her body slipping out of mine, and the flood of emotions with incredibly vivid clarity. There’s just no visual to go with it. Since Tye’s birth, I’ve wished so much that I could have just opened my eyes to fully experience her entrance. With this birth, my heart was set on keeping my eyes open to witness the entire birth. As I explained to the midwife and her assistant, I didn’t want to miss out on anything.

Over the next few hours, I continued to move around during my contractions. We called the doula who would be hanging out with Tye during the birth, and she arrived just as Tye woke for the day. Sometime between 6:30 and 7, I got in the tub.

The water helped ease me through the contractions and relax even more between them. I could feel Baby Girl’s head just a couple inches inside, which was encouraging. By sometime around 8 am, the contractions were so intense that I threw up after one of them. I kept thinking I’d be ready to push when the next one arrived- but as much as my mind wanted to enter the pushing stage, my body wasn’t in the same place.

Then, in the middle of a contraction, my water broke. The popping sensation felt like a swift punch to my contracted uterus- definitely the most painful contraction of the whole day. But with that one contraction, my body was suddenly ready, and I began to push.

The pushing contractions were long and right on top of each other. I felt like I had about 15 seconds between them, if that. During the first two, I remember thinking, If I keep pushing as hard as I can, I’m going to tear. But if I ease up, it will take longer for her to come out… But I quickly gave up on holding back and just let my body push as hard as I could. As Baby Girl was crowning and I was feeling that Ring of Fire, I had this sudden vision of chunky newborn baby legs. As I imagined kissing the chubby creases of Baby Girl’s thighs, my heart felt like it was going to explode with love for this little baby who was about to enter our world. I felt myself pushing with a new, almost primal power.

Suddenly, I heard Linda say, “Okay, on this next push, you’re going to have a baby!” I could hardly believe it was happening so quickly. Without a break, the next contraction came on and Baby Girl’s head came out. I opened my eyes just as I pushed the rest of Baby Girl’s body into the clear blue water.

In both of my birth experiences, the moment when baby’s body slips out of mine is purely, truly miraculous. It’s as if a switch is flipped and my whole body- my whole life- is changed. I feel that surge of maternal hormones flood my body immediately. It’s hard to explain. I know not all mothers feel that wash of emotions at the same time, and there’s nothing else to compare it to. When else do we knowingly experience our lives changing so significantly in the blink of an eye? For me, that moment- feeling baby’s slippery limbs slide into their own existence- is magical. It’s precious, powerful, and unforgettable. And this time, my eyes were wide open.

As Linda scooped up Baby Girl, she said something about the cord, but I was so eager to hold Baby Girl in my arms that I barely listened. Linda pulled the cord from around Baby Girl’s neck where it was loosely wrapped once, and finally, she was mine to hold. In a few seconds, she took her first breaths. She was bluish and had a thin layer of vernix over her body (she was, after all, only 38 ½ weeks), but with a little time and back rubbing, she pinked up as we let the cord continue to pulse. I told Baby Girl over and over again how much I love her as Tyler proudly declared from behind the video camera, “Yup, she looks just like me.”

Soon, I moved to the bed, where we were covered with warm towels before Tyler cut the cord and I delivered the placenta. Baby Girl latched on like a little nursing champ as Linda gave me five tiny stitches where I had just slightly torn skin.

Tye could see me from the hallway, but she wasn’t quite ready to come into the room just yet. When I was ready to stand up and make my way to the bathroom, Tyler carried Baby Girl into Tye’s room. Upon seeing the baby, she whispered excitedly, “Shhh, baby sleeping!” Once I was back in bed, Tye ran in and jumped in next to me. I took Baby Girl back and began to nurse her, and Tye asked to nurse. I never thought it would be me, but now I have a photo of me tandem nursing just minutes postpartum. And nothing could make me prouder than cuddling both of my girls, watching Tye reach out to hold Baby Girl’s hand, and hearing her say in her sweet voice (nipple still partially in her mouth), “Hi, Baby Sister.”

As soon as our tandem nursing session was over, Tye went back to playing with her new favorite grownup friends and everyone else set about cleaning up. Tyler made me scrambled eggs and we toasted our daughter’s birth with Dogfish Head 90-Minute IPA, the same favorite microbrew we drank to celebrate Tye’s birth. Amidst the hustle and bustle, Baby Girl and I laid in bed, skin to skin, nursing on and off as we took each other in.

We called family members and I cried tears of joy as we shared our news. Every time Tyler tried to take a picture of me, the reality of the moment hit me and I started crying again. The pictures may not be the most flattering, but they hold that much more emotion for me.

By around noon, everyone left. We all, in various states of undress, climbed into bed together and took turns snuggling skin to skin and sleeping.

Eventually, Tyler and I decided on a name for Baby Girl- Etta Maeve. That night, the four of us slept in our bed, in our home together- Tyler, Emily, Tye, and Etta. Our family of four.

Sister Love

2012-01-08T12:01:00.000-06:00

More joy from day 2...

Two Days Old

2012-01-07T22:16:00.000-06:00

Introducing Etta Maeve!

2012-01-07T22:12:00.000-06:00

Etta Maeve arrived January 5 at 9:04 am. Less than 9 hours after the first contractions, she was born into a tub in our bedroom with our wonderful midwife in attendance. She weighed 6 pounds 13 ounces and measured 20.25 inches long. We're treasuring our precious time together as a new family of four and, quite frankly, all fighting over whose turn it is to hold Etta next. What a beautiful little miracle we've been given.

Precious Mommy Moments

2012-01-04T12:42:00.000-06:00

Christmas morning, Traye asked Tye to hug her baby sister. The sweetness in this shot makes my heart melt. Thank you, Traye.

On your marks...

2012-01-03T15:46:00.000-06:00

There's a thought that during the third trimester, our bodies' job is to make us so uncomfortable that by the time labor arrives, we will do whatever it takes- even pushing a large head through a very small space- to get the baby out.

I'm there. I'm very, very ready to have this baby. Last week, I wasn't sure, and I even told Tyler that I wasn't sure I was ready emotionally. I kept wondering if I was ready to be done being pregnant even if this is the last time I'm ever pregnant. But this week? Something shifted in my brain, and I am ready.

Perhaps it's the never-ending contractions that are stronger than any practice contractions I remember with Tye (I keep telling myself they have to be doing something in there, as many as I'm having...). Or maybe it's Baby Girl's head so low in my belly that every movement is uncomfortable, and many are downright impossible. Or maybe it has to do with the crazy nesting urges I've been succumbing to all week that have encouraged me to launder every fabric item in our home, stuff our freezer full of reheatable meals, knit two hats, and re-organize every pocket of clutter, all between random cleaning binges. I even have a half-made recipe of almond flour scones on the counter, ready to mix and bake so I'll have some delicious protein during and after the birth. I'm ready.

But I'm afraid I'm the only one. Tyler told me he has a week's worth of work he'd like to do before he takes paternity leave. I'm not sure Tye is really ready or that she ever will be, but she's coming off of a nasty cold and any extra days towards healthy would benefit her transition to Big SIsterhood. And most importantly, I need to wait until Baby GIrl is ready. I keep reminding myself that she'll join us when she is ready, and until then, she's still growing and storing up fat for those first days out of the womb. Thinking about her adding chub to her little legs and arms makes being patient simultaneously easier and harder. I just want to kiss those tiny limbs already.

Whenever I've run races, whether it's a local 5k or a huge marathon, I'm always one of the people rushing to the starting corrals at the very last minute or in some cases, even running to make it to the starting line before the chip timer is turned off. But at each race, someone is the first runner to show up. I'm sure she isn't alone- there are support personnel around preparing the stage and tents and others marking the course and directing traffic. That first runner at the race is prepared; she's well-trained, her shoes are laced, her number is pinned to her shirt, and her bars and gels are tucked away neatly into pockets. She's just waiting for someone to pull the trigger and start the race already.

The Christmas Book

2011-12-30T08:26:00.005-06:00

Several years ago, I was given a Christmas themed scrapbooking kit. I didn't do anything with it immediately, or even for the next few years. Honestly, it stayed packed in Rubbermaid tubs among our Christmas decorations. Until this year.

Perhaps it's the pregnancy hormones, or perhaps it was the recent celebration of Tye's second (!) birthday. It may also have been the time I spent reminiscing about meaningful gifts, like the 12 Days of Christmas photo book my brothers and I made for my parents one year- which is proudly displayed on the coffee table each holiday season for us to flip through and laugh over. Whatever brought it on, this year, that scrapbooking kit was speaking to me when I opened the green and red Rubbermaid.

I decided to start a history of our Christmases together as a family. Each year, we can look at our past Christmases, remember how we celebrated, and then add a few pages of new photos.

Seriously, Tye was so stinkin' cute, I could look at these all day every day, all season long....

The thought of Tye and her sister sitting around our Christmas book- in a few years as kids excited for the return of Christmas, in many years as young adults reminiscing over years past- makes my heart incredibly happy.

Upcycled Christmas Cards

2011-12-28T20:54:00.000-06:00

Last year, I saved all the holiday cards we received from friends and family and packed them away with our Christmas decorations. This year, I cut out pictures from the cards and Tye used them to make her own Christmas cards to send to parents and grandparents. She and I teamed up to put glue on the paper, and then she applied the pictures along with some snowflake glitter cutouts and star stickers. She especially loved applying smaller photos of objects she recognized, like deer, candles, bows, and butterflies.

I added greetings on Tye's behalf, she added her signature to most of them, and then we mailed off the cards- each one far more cheerful, spirited, and adorable than the sum of their many parts.

If you happened to have sent us a card this year, next year, you just may see portions of your card reborn in another post here.

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-25T20:12:00.002-06:00

Oh Christmas Tree...

2011-12-18T21:13:00.000-06:00

During the Christmas season that we lived in Germany, Tyler and I started a collection of beautiful Christmas ornaments. It was our Christmas married and there are few places better for buying ornaments than Germany. Each year when I unpack our ornaments to put on the tree, I'm reminded of that first Christmas we spent together and, even more, I'm reminded to be grateful for the opportunity to celebrate this year with our families.

This year, I knew our tree probably wouldn't withstand being trimmed by Tye or the jostling of a toddler and a 115 pound dog (especially one chasing the other at high speeds), so we decided to put only non-breakable ornaments on our tree. We didn't buy anything new, just edited what we normally put on the tree. The result might be my favorite family tree ever.

Homemade cinnamon-scented ornaments made last year as Tye watched:

A collection of straw ornaments that are so common on Scandinavian trees,

alongside some red felt angel cutout ornaments;

pine cones, to bring a little of the outdoors in;

meaningful but non-fragile ornaments, like the wooden angels from my childhood and this Scandinavian doll from my grandparents;

Danish hearts, just like the ones we made to hang on the tree growing up;

and red wooden bead garland handed down to me by my parents.

The result feels like it fits us very well- very nature-inspired and steeped with tradition and family connections that go back even further than our fragile German ornaments. Next year perhaps we'll be able to hang our collection of German nutcracker ornaments on the tree as well, but this year, Tye has made them her new favorite dolls to play with daily. Hearing Tye talk to and about her nutcrackers every day is well worth a slightly barer tree.

Friday Favorite- Kale Chips

2011-12-16T08:56:00.000-06:00

I've been making veggie chips using this method for a long time, but Heather Crosby at YumUniverse put together an awesome video tutorial for kale chips. Check it out here. The almond flour (you can also use almond meal, available at Trader Joe's) makes the kale chips taste almost breaded and deep fried- they taste completely unhealthy, but are absolutely the opposite. I've used the same idea to make zucchini and spinach chips in the food dehydrator with great success.

When Tye was newer to solids, I made sure the chips she ate were really crunchy and crumbly and it was an easy way to incorporate otherwise stringy, chewy leafy greens into her diet. Now when I pull a batch of kale chips out of the oven, Tye gasps with delight and barely waits for them to cool before stuffing them in her mouth. They're a salty, delicious snack to feel really good about.

Tye the Talker

2011-12-13T21:35:00.001-06:00

Remember the recent post about Tyeisms? There have been so many great ones recently, I can't even remember them all. I need to revert back to my teaching days and keep a scrap of paper and a pen in my pocket at all times so I can jot down notes throughout the day (the problem with that plan is that few of my maternity pants have pockets). This week, Tye starting imitating me by saying "Thank you soooo much," and "You're very welcome." She also started quoting some of the Christmas movies we've been watching, like Rudolph when he flies for the first time after Clarice tells him he's cute. Tye is even better than Rudolph at saying "I'm cuuute, I'm cuuuuuuuute!!!"

Over the past month, Tye's language has exploded. She uses mostly full sentences to communicate now, stringing together five or six words easily. When she wants an item, she can describe it to me, like the other night when she was asking for "baba." Clueless, I asked what she wanted again, so she said very clearly, "Baba. That baba up there on the top, with the cow," describing a water bottle. Whoa. Suddenly, Tye is a chatterbox.

Let me preface this by saying that I have loved every stage of mothering I've met so far, and I've cherished each one's beautiful, unique balance of giving and taking. This new talking phase, though, is really special. With her increased vocabulary and newfound ability to hold a real conversation, Tye has become my little buddy. I have a great time just talking with her during meals, chatting as we walk to the playground, and discussing books as we read. I appreciate finally understanding what she wants and even sometimes why. The more Tye talks, the more her personality makes itself evident.

All kids develop new skills at their own pace, and I keep thinking that for us, this language explosion has come at a really convenient time. When I think about parenting two girls later this winter, knowing that Tye will be able to communicate with me so easily is reassuring. I'm looking forward to having someone to talk back with me as I nurse a newborn and hearing what Tye has to say about her sister. The monologue stage of mothering is over for me... at least until the girls enter high school.

Heart Flopping Mama Trauma

2011-12-12T10:38:00.000-06:00

You know that feeling when your stomach turns over on itself, either because you know something bad is coming or because you've just witnessed something horrible? I've had that way, way to often this weekend.

We had a great day Saturday with old friends visiting, including a family with a boy a couple months older than Tye. The two are good friends and love playing together; they spent hours engaged in actual shared play (playing with each other, not just next to each other) by themselves, little adult intervention required. We adults sat in the living room listening to them cracking themselves up in Tye's room for most of the afternoon.

Then Tye's friend wanted to play hide and seek, a game he thought was perfect with two bedroom doors right next to each other. He could quickly move from one to the other and by closing the door, be in a new hiding place. (Can you see where this is going?) Of course, no two year old knows how to just close a door- doors are either open or slammed shut. And Tye wanted to chase him. So after many near misses and many many requests- even firm ones- to keep the doors open, when I heard a slam followed by a scream, my stomach did one of those flip-flops.

I walked over to the closed door and could see Tye's finger tips sticking out through the door frame. Flip-flop. I opened the door and saw blood on Tye's fingers as I picked her up. Flip-flop. Then I saw her finger nail, completely pulled out of the nail bed, hanging by a small thread. Flip-flop, flip-flop, straight up nausea. I think I somewhat calmly asked Tyler to come help me as I carried Tye to the bathroom. Tyler held her finger behind her to avoid her seeing the blood, and I did the only thing I could think of to calm her down- nursed her. As soon as she latched on, Tye calmed down significantly and Tyler was able to wipe away the blood, apply some colloidal silver, and put a bandage on her finger. We nursed a bit longer and cuddled for a while after that, giving Tye several doses of homeopathic pain relief. Once Tye rejoined her friend, we spent the rest of the night trying to figure out how to keep a bandage on such a tiny finger.

I'm pretty sure the whole event was way more traumatic for me than it was for Tye. She did have a hard time sleeping that evening because her finger hurt (and after a dose of Children's Tylenol, because her belly hurt), but Tye is pretty excited about her Band-Aid on her finger and she'll have a cool owie to show her friends and family over the holidays. I, on the other hand, relive that heart-flopping feeling every time I re-bandage Tye's finger. My heart breaks thinking about the pain my little one suffered.

All this, and yet I when I take a step back, I realize how minor this injury really is. Tye will make a full recovery and have no lasting effects (assuming the nail regrows). We're so fortunate to have a healthy child who has never suffered a major injury. I'm incredibly grateful that this minor injury- so minor it didn't even require a call to the doctor- is the most traumatic event we've endured. We are so blessed. I'm going to pray we keep up our healthy streak, because I don't know how much more heart-flopping I would be able to handle.

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. -Elizabeth Stone

ECing and Potty Learning

2011-12-06T21:45:00.000-06:00

Tye using the toilet in August

A year ago, I really thought Tye would be out of diapers by the time she was two. We were having great success with ECing, and Tye seemed to be enjoying the ECing process. Little did I know, Tye was closer to full-time pottying success then than she would be at 2.

We have had several weeks during the past year when Tye was in underwear all day, with a wet pair here or there, but eventually, Tye decided she would rather play than sit on the toilet. And I'm afraid my mistake is that I let her follow those desires, not realizing it wouldn't be just a passing phase. At two, Tye is in diapers, as most two year olds are.

What ECing has given us, though, is a huge lead in potty learning. Tye still poops exclusively on the toilet, no matter where we are when the urge hits her. Not having to change a toddler's poopy diapers is something I greatly appreciate. And when Tye regains interest in using the toilet, she still remembers how to go. The only skills left to learn are identifying the urge to eliminate with enough time to make it to the toilet, and dressing and undressing herself for true bathroom independence.

I have to admit, diapering Tye (again) and thinking about how close we were to graduating from ECing to wearing underwear can be discouraging, especially with the prospect of diapering two come January. But then I remind myself: I haven't changed more than 3 poopy diapers since Tye was 3 months old; we have saved immeasurable resources from reducing our number of soiled diapers; and we learned to communicate with Tye and meet her basic needs at a very early age. I'm absolutely planning to use Elimination Communication with Baby Girl #2. Whether we have more success or less than we have had with Tye, the journey itself is worth every bit of effort.

The Weekend Recap

2011-12-05T07:33:00.000-06:00

Thursday night, bringing home the tree:

Friday night, trimming the tree:

Saturday night, at Central Park Zoo:

Recovering on Sunday:

34 Weeks!

2011-12-04T15:02:00.000-06:00

Today marks 34 weeks in my pregnancy. We're officially in the home stretch- just three more weeks until I'm considered full term. As Tyler, Tye, and I relax around our home today, decorating and cooking and organizing, I'm reminded of a very, very similar day a little over two years ago.

Also a Sunday, we woke in Bloomington. I was 33 weeks and 6 days, and I began having contractions every 10 minutes that didn't stop with my normal protocol of laying on the couch and drinking 2 liters of water. So we drove to Chicago to go the hospital up there, praying the whole way the contractions wouldn't become closer together. Tyler was pulled over for speeding and ticketed. Then we spent several hours in the obstetrics ER at Rush Memorial Hospital. Eventually the contractions stopped on their own and we went home, but I was put on bed rest. There ended my teaching position and began my final preparations for birth.

Really, the only things similar about that day and today are that they are Sundays and that I'm 34 weeks along. We're not having any crazy contractions, thankfully (just my normal Braxton Hicks contractions), and Tyler had better not get any tickets. I do remember feeling quite huge at that point, and feeling a hint of relief that I was put on bed rest. As hard as it was to leave work and my students early, my body had been having quite a hard time keeping up with my physical requirements at work.

This past week, I've been feeling a similar sentiment. I've had to slow my pace walking to and from the playground or else the 3/4 mile round trip with the stroller is exhausting. I'm taking more breaks throughout the day to sit with my feet up, and one day, I napped as long as Tye did (and it was fabulous). Yesterday, while Tyler and Tye hung out at home, I went for a much-needed prenatal massage and relished in having my tired body relaxed and rejuvenated. And this morning, when Tyler offered to let me sleep in for the second time this weekend, I accepted.

I read in one of my pregnancy books that the whole point of the third trimester is to make a woman so miserable that she's willing to do anything necessary, even pushing a bowling ball through her tiny cervix, to get the baby out. I remember that sometimes as I'm walking the final uphill stretch home from the playground and suddenly realize I still have to lug my tired legs up our front stairs. But then there are moments I know I'll cherish forever- sitting on the couch videotaping the baby's hiccups jarring my belly; Tyler touching my stomach, feeling an elbow or knee just below the surface, and exclaiming, "Whoa! I can feel her in the there!"; taking time out to appreciate being pregnant and the miracle growing inside of me. Just as I was at 34 weeks with Tye, I'm grateful to still be pregnant and for every day that Baby Girl 2 has a safe place within me to continue growing and developing... and hiccuping.

Extending the Attitude of Gratitude

2011-11-29T10:52:00.002-06:00

We celebrated our Thanksgiving with a road trip to see both our families in Illinois. Moving away from everyone and seeing family less often has been a difficult change for us, and there's no better way to spend a holiday than surrounded by the people we love and for whom we are so thankful. Tye is growing so quickly and noticeably right now that she amazed relatives with her expressive vocabulary and thick blonde hair.

Waiting for dinner...

Throughout November, I kept running into people's daily posts of things for which they were thankful. I appreciate the conscious effort made to focus on being thankful, especially during the month we celebrate Thanksgiving. Any way to extend the meaning and celebration of Thanksgiving (other than just extra turkey and potatoes) is, in my opinion, a great reminder of all we have.

Now that Thanksgiving has passed and we're already deep in the throes of Christmas (though last I checked, it's still November), I hope all those people are continuing to practice their mindful thankfulness. I've been told it takes 30 days for an activity to become habit. Thanksgiving was on the 24th, almost a week shy of the 30 days it would require for someone to make a habit of noting something for which she is thankful each day. Another theory by Dr. Maxwell Maltz suggests that 21 consecutive days is a span long enough to create a habit, but they must be consecutive. I'm hoping there is truth to that theory and that everyone who noted daily what made them thankful will continue that practice, especially through the holidays.

As I grow older, each year I'm more aware of the stark contrast between Thanksgiving's prayers of gratitude and Black Friday's push for wanting, needing more. Don't get me wrong- I'm very happy that the economy is rebounding, and I even participated in this year's Black Friday shopping mania. I think I just notice the attitude shift between the two days much more clearly as I gain perspective.

Or, maybe Black Friday is becoming a bigger deal each year- apparently to some it is, like the lady who pepper sprayed other shoppers over an XBox. This year, as Black Friday edged it's way into the day of Thanksgiving and stores opened at 10pm Thanksgiving evening, the world of shopping seemed to overtake our one day devoted to thankfulness.

Yesterday, I was reminded it was Cyber Monday when I opened my laptop to 49 new emails announcing huge discounts. I deleted most without opening, but one caught my attention: from Patagonia*, an email with the subject line "Do Not Buy This Jacket." Clever marketing, I thought, and opened it, curious to see what spin on the day the company was throwing. As I read, I was greeted with the breath of fresh air I needed. From the email:

Today is Cyber Monday. It will likely be the biggest online shopping day ever. Cyber Monday was created by the National Retail Federation in 2005 to focus media and public attention on online shopping. But Cyber Monday, and the culture of consumption it reflects, puts the economy of natural systems that support all life firmly in the red. We're now using the resources of one-and-a-half planets on our one and only planet.Because Patagonia wants to be in business for a good long time – and leave a world inhabitable for our kids – we want to do the opposite of every other business today. We ask you to buy less and to reflect before you spend a dime on this jacket or anything else.

In a world so deeply immersed in consumerism that not even a full day is devoted to being thankful any longer, we're bombarded daily with messages that we need more. Combating those sentiments requires a conscious effort, because emails like those above are few and far between. The first step to wanting less is appreciating what we already have, one more reason to continue the practice of being thankful into December. So while the holiday of Thanksgiving may have passed, I'd like to wish you a season of continued thanksgiving. Keep giving thanks and maintain your attitude of gratitude. Before you know it, it will become a habit that changes your life for the better.

*I love Patagonia products and as much as I wish I was receiving something from Patagonia for sharing this with you, I'm not. Other than a few online orders, they've never heard of me. But I did spend the weekend stretching out the stomach in my favorite Patagonia fleece....

Delayed Cord Clamping

2011-11-22T13:59:00.000-06:00

When Tye was born, we delayed clamping the umbilical cord until it stopped pulsing about 8-10 minutes after her birth. It was a precious time- unlike all the Hollywood movies that depict a rush of medical interventions and hurried instructions to the dad to quickly cut the cord, when Tye arrived, she and I sat in the warm water in the tub while Tyler and I soaked up the reality of our Baby Girl's transition.

In this photo, Tye is still attached to me via her umbilical cord, which is still pulsing and bringing precious blood from the placenta into her body.

The benefits of delayed cord clamping are significant. Being the type of person who believes our bodies were created to work in ways we still don't fully understand and certainly can't replicate, delaying cord clamping allows the body to function as it was designed. Certainly women long ago didn't birth their babies themselves and immediately instinctively cut the cord.

Even with medical interventions available now, clamping the umbilical cord early removes the protection provided by the cord. If the baby requires a little encouragement to begin breathing on her own, as long as she is connected to the placenta via her cord, her body is still receiving oxygen-rich blood, just as it was in the womb. By delaying cord clamping 5 minutes and allowing the placenta to finish pumping blood back into the baby's body, the result is 61% higher blood volume than in a newborn with immediate cord clamping. At four hours after birth, a baby who received delayed cord clamping has higher hematocrit levels and a red cell volume 60% greater than those who had not. Now, new research out of Sweden this week shows that infants provided delayed cord clamping have higher iron levels and lower incidence of iron deficiency at 4 months of age. That cord blood is the gift that keeps on giving.

Of course, there are situations in which the mother and baby need to be separated immediately to save the life of one or both. Simple prematurity isn't reason enough, however. In infants with very low birth weight, delayed cord clamping reduces incidence of intraventricular hemmorhage and late-onset sepsis. Delaying cord clamping combined with kangaroo care provides better outcomes for even very premature babies. The idea that the infant needs to be whisked away to NICU isn't always based on the best information possible; rather, when asked why delayed cord clamping isn't practiced, doctors cited "difficulty with implementation in clinical practice." Those precious minutes that could potentially save a newborn's life and at the very least protect the newborn for months after birth are eliminated to save time. How tragic.

Tyler did eventually cut Tye's umbilical cord once it stopped pulsing. As soon as she was dried, Tye was laid on my chest, skin to skin, and began nursing as I delivered my placenta. In awe of the organ that had sustained my Baby Girl for 38 weeks, I begged Tyler to take pictures.

Our bodies were created with far more in mind than speed and convenience. As more research is done on the implications of birth interventions, we're learning that cutting corners and changing the natural route of birth can cause more harm than good. But it would be foolish to think that the only advantages of delayed cord clamping are those measured by science. Our family was afforded ten minutes of beautiful bonding time uninterrupted by outside influences. Tyler and I gazed at our Baby Girl in utter awe. Then, at the moment Tyler clipped Tye's cord, I remember coming to a sudden realization that my baby was being fully separated from me for the first time. I know I wouldn't have been able to savor that moment in the same way had it happened in the seconds following the birth. Looking back, the peace in those still minutes after birth were precious time for us to bond and together admire the miracle in my arms.

Overheard: Tyeisms

2011-11-19T21:25:00.000-06:00

"I gonna get me!" -when wrestling with Daddy

"Terry you?" -to request being carried, as in "Want me to carry you?"

"'Mere, Kiko." -translation: "Come here, Mico."

"I find ____!" -when Tye finds any object (i.e., "I find cars!" or "I find booger!"

"It too pisces." -spitting out any food; apparently "spicy" is synonymous for "yucky"

"I so high!" -swinging, or climbing any tall objects

"Wanna watch Elmo/Cars/Snoopy/Nemo? Sure! Okay." -in conversation with herself when she wants to watch TV but knows it's not actually an option

"Go way." -telling Mico to go away

"Ba ba no no wore so high." -translation: "Up above the world so high," followed by "Like a diamond in the sky."

"No, I fine." -when declining an offer

"I do it." -all. the. time.

"I find me!" -when Tye suddenly appears, especially after hiding

Presents and Cupcakes and Candles, Oh My!

2011-11-16T20:29:00.000-06:00

We had a wonderful birthday celebration for Tye! My parents came in to visit Sunday afternoon and were here until this afternoon. Sunday after Tye went to bed, Tyler and my dad, who Tye calls Coach, decorated the living room with banners, streamers, and balloons and we prepared all Tye's presents. Like most two year olds, Tye didn't understand what it meant that her birthday was coming, but we would make sure the next day would be special.

When Tye woke on the morning of her birthday, I got to greet her by singing Happy Birthday. As we walked out of her bedroom, she let out a huge gasp when she saw the decorations. We said good morning to Coach and Gram and since Daddy was still home, we started opening presents one by one, pausing in between to play with each new toy.

Other birthday highlights included a walk through Fort Greene Park soaking up the beautiful 60 degree weather, playing The Big Piano at FAO Schwarz, riding the subway to dinner at Eataly followed by hazelnut gelato, and blowing out the candles (again and again) on pumpkin cupcakes with cinnamon-maple whipped cream.

Tye might not remember the celebration when she grows older, but for the rest of us celebrating Tye and the anniversary of becoming parents and grandparents, it was a really special day. Happy second birthday, Tye!

To Tye, at 2 Years Old

2011-11-14T07:00:00.000-06:00

Dear Tye,

Happy second birthday, dear daughter! As your second birthday has approached, you've reminded me frequently that you're entering a new phase of your life. You are willing to fight for your independence, whether you're struggling with a challenging puzzle, a frustrating package, or limits that keep you from what you think you want. I admire your persistence and find much joy in watching your hard work reap in rewards, from putting on your own tutu to serving yourself second helpings at dinner. Over the weekend, you taught yourself how to ride your friend's scooter, a skill far beyond your young age and one that clearly pleased you. Some day when someone tells you you're stubborn, be sure to remind them that stubbornness is the same trait as persistence; the attribute's name only depends on whether the other person agrees with you or not. Whichever title it is given, wear it with pride, because it will get you far in life.

You are a little ball of fun right now, Tye. Every evening, as we finish eating dinner together, you start asking Daddy to wrestle. You have a powerful headlock, girl, and you know how to keep the wrestling fun with your emerging humor and nonstop giggling. You love exploring your world, whether it's chasing squirrels at the park or stopping every 20 feet on our walks to investigate a tree or fence post or fallen leaf. I love hearing you talk to me, to your toys, to strangers on the street, and to yourself. When I hear you say, "Thank you, Mommy" every time I hand you a snack or "Bless you" whenever any person in earshot sneezes, your simple phrases fill me with happiness. You make me smile and warm my heart.

Two years. 730 days. And you have filled each one with unimaginable joy. Birthing you was the beginning of living life to a new level of fullness, one that I hope you are blessed to experience yourself one day because words can't describe motherhood's treasures. Two years ago, I was forever changed. The metamorphosis of birth is amazing; I entered the birth tub a pregnant woman and emerged as a mother cradling my babe. During that time, during that one push in which you squirmed from inside to outside body, I felt myself being flooded with love for you in a stronger wave of emotion than I had ever experienced before. Two years later, I am still overwhelmed with that same love for you; how I live the rest of my life in such a state still amazes me.

You are going to be very celebrated today, Tye, and the anniversary of your birth deserves it. As much as you'll love the presents, the gift is you in our lives. Thank you for sharing the best two years of my life. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.

Love,
Mama

Since she was born, I've written a letter to Tye on each month's anniversary of her birth, with this being the final monthly letter. You can see the rest here.

Two Years Ago...

2011-11-13T08:36:00.003-06:00

It was a Friday. I was as big as a house. I wore a yellow sweater that barely covered my belly and asked your dad as we walked to dinner at Jerry's if I looked like a school bus. It was a warm evening that smelled like fallen leaves. At Jerry's, I ate hummus and my favorite sandwich (the Baba R- green apple, peanut butter, basil, grilled onions, chipotle chutney- a pregnant woman's dream sandwich), and we laughed with friends for a long time.

When they asked Daddy if he was going to stay out with them after the meal, I told Daddy I didn't think it was a good idea, because I thought it might be "the night." Nothing in particular told me so- but I felt different, and I just knew. We went home and went to bed. I slept deeply and soundly until you woke me early the next morning to let me know you were coming, and the rest of our lives began.

Friday Favorite- Bedtime Favorites

2011-11-11T07:12:00.001-06:00

The only constant in our bedtime routine is that it's always changing. The main components of the routine stay the same- put on pajamas, brush teeth, apply a calming essential oil, read books, then rock, sing, and nurse to sleep. Within that routine, though, we go through phases.

Our newest must-read bedtime book (and really, Tye's favorite book any time of the day) is the book The Little Mouse, The Red Ripe Strawberry, and The Big Hungry Bear by Don Wood and Audrey Wood.

I first discovered this book when I taught a classroom of two year olds in Germany. Daily, the majority of the students requested this book, and everyone was captivated by Little Mouse. The simple plot, in which Little Mouse picks a red, ripe strawberry and can only save it from the Big Hungry Bear by sharing it with the reader, is easy to follow for young readers. Children seem easily engaged by the text, too, in which the reader speaks directly to Little Mouse rather than telling a story about the character. Each reading, the child participates in an interaction with the mouse and helps to solve his problem. Tye, who particularly likes eating the strawberry along with Little Mouse, could read this book on repeat for hours.

After our books, we turn out lights, say a prayer, sing goodnight to Mico, Baby, Mommy, Daddy, and Tye, and then sing a lullaby as we rock and nurse. Since April, I've been singing the lullaby "Su La Li" to Tye, one that we learned in Music Together and I have now sung for hours upon hours. Tye's newest infatuation is "Story About Sammy," a sweet children's song I learned as a teacher.

(I have no clue who these kids are, but thanks to a search on YouTube, you can watch their adorable faces sing "Story About Sammy")

Now as we rock each night, Tye requests "Sammy song" and falls asleep listening to my version of the song, in which Sammy is a girl with a very, very long list of animals she'd like to imitate on her way to the store. Should I dare attempt to sing any other song, Tye will open her eyes and ask for "more Sammy song." While I can only guess why Tye loves this song so much, I have a feeling it's because of the simple, repetitive verses combined with animals and their actions.

Many nights in the past, I've brought my phone or Nook into Tye's bedroom with me so I can play games or read as she falls asleep. Recently, though- perhaps because her second birthday is around the corner- I've been cherishing our time together as we rock and sing. I remind myself that today is the youngest Tye will ever be again. Tomorrow, she'll wake a day older, and I never know when our bedtime routine just might change again.

Look at these CURLS!

2011-11-09T10:04:00.000-06:00

Sticking it to me

2011-11-08T15:37:00.000-06:00

We moved into our home in Brooklyn one month and two days ago. It's hard to believe it's only been 33 days here. Even though I still feel like we're settling in and discovering our neighborhood, I feel like we've been here for months, at least. We're down to one box in our living space (and it contains Tyler's Xbox, so it being packed isn't such a bad thing- I keep trying to convince him to bring it back to Illinois with us and leave it there...). I have more organizing to do before I'll feel like everything is in its place, but in general, I feel like we live in a home now.

There is one aspect of our move that continues to make its presence known, however. Because we used professional movers, every item that went into the truck received a numbered sticker that corresponded to a list of items moved. These small, yellow stickers seemed harmless enough- they are easily removed and leave no residue or mark, like a Post-It note.

On Tye's trampoline...

On Mico's dog food container...

On Tye's bookshelves...

But they are everywhere.

On the diaper pail...

On the arm of the rocking chair...

On the vacuum cleaner...

Thirty three days, and still, these stickers haunt me.

Even when I leave the house.

Tyeranasaurus

2011-11-01T21:41:00.002-05:00

Perhaps the most adorable dinosaur breed ever, the Tyeranasaurus was spotted this weekend in Brooklyn, New York. Through steady observation, scientists discovered a great deal about the new species.

First, she prefers eggs, over easy, for her first meal of the day.

The Tyeranasaurus, however, is not picky. Here she is observed eating ice off the sidewalk at the playground.

She boldly ventures down the slide....

and back up.

Here she is spotted engaging in daredevil tactics to gain the attention- and gasps- of other mothers at the playground who fear she may fall. However, her balance proves to be strong, likely due in part to her long tail.

When cheese crackers are available, she will ignore any distraction- including a full party of two year olds- to eat in solitude.

She is social with other dinosaurs at all other times, though, as seen here, sharing the art easel.

When attending social gatherings, she partakes in the local food options.

Tyeranasaurus was also observed spending a great deal of time engaged in dollhouse play.

This docile, apparently omnivorous species was heard roaring several times through the observation as well as singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" and the ABC's. Scientists are anxiously awaiting her next appearance for continued study.

Snow Day in Brooklyn!

2011-10-31T16:14:00.000-05:00

Saturday, we received our first snowfall of the year. Tye awoke from her nap to a wintry wonderland. From reading books and watching movies, Tye knew of snow, but I don't know how much she remembered from last year. As we walked outside, she gasped and commented on how cold it was.

Tye loved watching her boots leave footprints as she walked. Almost immediately, she picked up a small chunk of snow from the seat of her bike and put it in her mouth, then giggled as it melted in her mouth.

Our little play time on the back deck didn't last too long before Tye became really cold (Mama has not yet found snowpants or waterproof mittens for this winter) and we quickly came inside to warm up.

After that, we embarked upon a family trek to search for a pumpkin during the hardest snowfall of the day. The wet, icy chunks falling from the sky turned out to be pretty miserable- our faces stung as they were pelted with heavy snow, and our clothes were quickly soaked. I resorted to keep Tye dry in her stroller with a garbage bag. We can say we made an effort, though, and we did our best to ~~enjoy~~ participate in the snow.

As soon as we found what turned out to be the last pumpkin in Fort Greene (and it was therefore, the Charlie Brown Christmas tree of pumpkins), we returned home, warmed up, and carved our pumpkin as the snow continued falling. This was one snowfall best enjoyed with a mug of spiced cider and a bowl of freshly baked pumpkin seeds, wearing warm slippers and "jamas." So yes, we enjoyed the snow, after all.

Corner Store Playdough

2011-10-27T15:27:00.015-05:00

The longer we live in Brooklyn and the more experience I gain living here, the more I learn to improvise. Can't carry the dog food home from the store? Order it on Amazon. Dryer takes three and a half hours to dry a load of clothes? Hang them all. So when I wanted to make play dough for Tye but couldn't find food coloring at any of the local corner grocery stores (or our nearby Target), I thought of one of my favorite recipes for play dough from my teaching days: Jello play dough. It's a beautiful, smooth consistency, smells yummy, and doesn't require food coloring- perfect for life in our area of Brooklyn, where apparently no one uses food coloring. (I know, I don't use artificial food coloring, either- except for making play dough!)

Jello Play Dough

1 cup flour (plus additional for kneading)

2 Tbsp salt

3-4 Tbsp cream of tartar

1 small package flavored gelatin (we used blue raspberry)

2 Tbsp cooking oil

1 cup water

Combine ingredients in a medium pot or large saucepan, stirring until smooth. Place the pan over low heat and stir continuously until the texture changes and the dough forms a ball and pulls away from the edge. Turn dough out onto wax or parchment paper to cool. Add flour gradually and knead until smooth and no longer sticky. Store in an airtight container. If it becomes dry, knead in a little oil and add less flour next time.

Though I've been wanting to try out play dough with Tye for a while, this was our first experience with it. She asked to eat it many times and even tried to sneak a few tastes, but did a much better job keeping it out of her mouth than I had expected. We had a great time playing together, making shapes with our hands and cookie cutters, but Tye's favorite play dough activity was finding small animals hidden within the dough. She loves the idea of hiding right now and becomes really excited to find items. When she realized there were animals hiding in the dough, she squealed and giggled with delight, then re-hid them in their "house."

Play dough is great for a child's development, with opportunities to practice fine motor skills (cutting, shaping, twisting) and coordination (using a rolling pin, practicing cutting dough "snakes" with scissors) and to engage in sensory input- squeezing the soft, squishy dough- that can be hard to find elsewhere. Plus, as Tye will tell you, it's fun!

Needless to say, we're going to be making a lot more play dough in the future. I'm excited to try some natural food colors, like adding/substituting beet juice, green or hibiscus tea, turmeric, and orange peel to the water in other recipes, and turn our improvising into a culinary adventure. At least I know I can fall back on more Jello in a pinch.

An Abundance of Owies

2011-10-26T15:27:00.000-05:00

I don't know if everyone's kids are like this or if it's just Tye, but every once in a while, she manages to fall- a LOT. The injuries are rarely sporadic- rather, they come in waves. After weeks without an owies, Tye has had several in the past two days, including two that left big scratches on her face.

Her forehead was the result of a fall off the equipment at the playground, which is completely unusual for her. The scratch on Tye's nose happened after a little fall on the small cement area in the back yard. Her face doesn't tell the rest of the story- the running fall cushioned by a large bush, the fall off the kitchen chair that resulted in a major head bump, the skinned knees hiding beneath her leggings.

If we were still in Chicago, I'd take Tye to the chiropractor. After all, after this many tumbles, she is certain to need an adjustment. But I've also noticed that an adjustment breaks the cycle of injuries. I realize it could just be the end of Tye's fall phase, or as the old motherly wisdom suggests, perhaps she is finally becoming used to her body after a growth spurt. The thing is, after months of regular adjustments, the pattern of falls-adjustments-no falls has been pretty obvious.

Now we just need to find a chiropractor in Brooklyn.

"Owie on nose."

Why we moved...

2011-10-20T11:22:00.000-05:00

Because nothing replaces sitting in Daddy's lap for dinner any night I want.

Playground Explorations

2011-10-18T21:11:00.000-05:00

Our trip to the playground yesterday was great fun for Tye. New equipment to climb, new sights to see, and lots of leaves to collect and throw into the air repeatedly. Now, if we could just find some other kids to join us at the playground, we'd be all set.

Oh, and remember what I said about Tye learning to smile for the camera? Well, we have some practice ahead of us...

Thoughts at 26 Weeks

2011-10-15T12:36:00.122-05:00

I may be 26 weeks pregnant, but my body believes my third trimester arrived three days ago. It came on like a ton of bricks- one day, I felt great, and the next, WHAM! I was exhausted from pushing Tye in the stroller a few blocks, every time I bent over to pick up one of the million items on the floor my belly and back hurt, and by the end of the day, my entire body felt absolutely exhausted, despite my afternoon nap. With only a week and a half until I officially enter the third trimester, my body isn't that far off. I just wasn't expecting those typical third trimester symptoms until, well, the third trimester. Fortunately, I've been surrounded by gentle reminders to appreciate every day of this pregnancy, and I'm truly working on that.

I'm forever grateful just to be pregnant. Today, October 15th, marks Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, a day with special meaning to me. Almost three years ago, I had an ectopic pregnancy that ended in emergency surgery to remove my ruptured fallopian tube. The devastation of losing a pregnancy is hard to describe and rarely discussed publicly, as if miscarrying is shameful. I found, though, that by talking openly about our experience, I was introduced to a flood of other women who had lost a pregnancy and even more stories of hope. I learned that 1 in 4 pregnancies ends in miscarriage (1 in 3 by some estimates), which helped ease my own feelings of guilt. Remembering how fortunate I am to have become pregnant with one fallopian tube, and to still be pregnant, being grateful comes easily.

As my pregnancy progresses, I'm thankful for each day that Baby Girl stays inside me. Much as I did with Tye, I'm reminding this babe daily to "Stay inside until January," our pregnancy mantra. Some days, I feel as though everywhere I turn, I encounter another story of a premature birth. A friend just told me of a sorority sister who delivered her twins at 24 weeks. Loving, concerned friends and family members reminded Tyler and me that I shouldn't be lifting anything heavy during the move, or better yet, shouldn't lift anything (and Tyler has been fabulous, helping me throughout). With at least three close friends who delivered prematurely immediately following a move, moving was a real concern for us, and one we continue to take seriously (the boxes aren't gone yet!). I'm thankful that we've progressed into a portion of the pregnancy in which Baby Girl would possibly survive if she was born, but even more, I'm grateful for every day she remains safely in utero.

I'm also reminding myself to treasure this pregnancy because there's a chance it could be my last. Though right now, I can say I would like another child someday, I don't know what the future holds for our family. To assume I'll be pregnant again would also rely on me becoming pregnant again, an uncertain venture for any couple. When I think about the possibility that this could be my last time experiencing pregnancy, I can't help but cherish each day.

Since she learned we'd be moving, my dear friend Ines has been wishing for me to find peace after the move so I could just enjoy being pregnant. Now that the chaos is beginning to calm, I'm able to concentrate on my connection with Baby Girl and finally realize Ines' hope for me, something I didn't realize how much I needed. All these reminders of how fortunate we are aren't going wasted, either. I'm grateful for the conception and safe continuation of this pregnancy, and for the wonderfully easy second trimester with which I was blessed when I needed it most. When my continuously changing body requires me to slow down now, I'll gladly use the extra time to be present in the moment, enjoy the beauty of today, and say a little prayer of thanks.

To Tye, at 23 months

2011-10-14T06:30:00.009-05:00

Dear Tye,

What a month you've had! You've grown up so much, even as you've simultaneously adapted to new surroundings. You have a new bedroom in a new house in a new city, and you are continuing to find joy daily in your surroundings here. I am loving watching you play more imaginatively, using your toys to fill the scenes in your mind and talking as you go along. Such a great reminder that play is serious work for you.

You're becoming more interactive with adults in your life and as they pass by. Before we left Chicago, you became adept at enthusiastically greeting friends and family members by name when they entered our home. Listening to you talk on the phone is both hilarious and precious as you rattle off long sentences with a recognizable word here and there. Obviously, what you are saying has great meaning to you. I can't wait to understand more of it. Other adults are understanding more of what you say, too. Earlier this week, as a woman held the door open for us at the bank, you walked through and cheerfully said "'Scuse me," a simple phrase that spread chuckles around the bank lobby. When we walk outside and see our neighbors on the stoop, you love to greet them with a bubbly "Hi guys!" Who wouldn't love that?

Your love for books has taken on a whole new level of interest. You will gladly spend hours at a time opening and looking through the books on the shelves in your room, labeling items and characters and often telling the story as you turn familiar pages. Yesterday morning, you actually fell asleep reading books to yourself (fully decked out in sunglasses and rainboots, might I add).

Recently, you've begun to enjoy when we tell you stories, too, especially familiar ones. How amazing to recognize that your communication comprehension and visualization skills are strong enough to follow along.

Yet another recent acquisition is your interest in emotions in yourself and others. You label happy, sad, and hurt and show great empathy when others are sad or hurt. One day before our move, when you saw me crying, you climbed up to me on the couch and said, "Mommy, what you doing sad?" as you gave me a big hug and kiss. It's hard to stay sad when I have you to cheer me up.

Along the same lines, in the past day or two you've learned how to actually smile for the camera, and you're a little ham. I am cherishing these first photos of your huge grin- you look so much more grown up.

I had worried that our move this month may have been a difficult transition for you, but you proved yourself to be quite resilient and a strong little family member. You still occasionally repeat the phrases we used to explain our move to you: "Mico go to Brooklyn, Daddy go to Brooklyn, Mommy go to Brooklyn, Tye go to Brooklyn." And now when Daddy leaves in the morning, you look to me and say, "Daddy go to train," instead of "Daddy go to airport." The best part, though, is hearing you gasp and exclaim "Daddy home!" when he enters the doors each evening. We've only been here for one full week, but I know already that this move has been well worthwhile.

As we approach your second birthday, I can't help but wonder where the time has gone. Each day with you is new and exciting as you grow up so quickly. I just hope I'm doing all I can to cherish every moment of the present, because the future comes so very quickly. I'm so blessed to share each day with you. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.

Love,
Mama

City Living

2011-10-10T16:22:00.001-05:00

Hi Friends! I'm writing you from our tiny kitchen in Brooklyn, or as Tye says, "Book-wyn." The past week feels like a whirlwind, and packing up the moving truck a week ago seems as if it happened a lifetime ago. We arrived to NYC Wednesday night and stayed in a hotel so we could move in early Thursday.

I don't know how much you all know about living in NYC, but one of the many differences between Chicago and NYC is it's dog-friendliness. In NYC, owners of dogs 25 pounds or less are set. Anyone with a dog over 30 pounds is limited, and no one owns a dog over 50 pounds because a) you can't live anywhere with a dog over 50 pounds, and b) you can't go anywhere with a dog over 50 pounds. After many attempts, we finally found a hotel in Brooklyn that allowed dogs and was willing to make an exception to their weight limit policy (thanks to Tyler's hotel status acquired from traveling with his last job). Can you imagine what the hotel staff were thinking when we walked in with a 100+ pound dog and a toddler? I'm sure they quickly made certain no one was rooming next to us.

Thursday, movers stuffed boxes into every square inch of our apartment and left us to figure out where everything would eventually belong. I wish I had a photo of us in that stage, boxes piled high with nowhere to move them, but I was so daunted by the task of unpacking them I didn't think I could bear photographical evidence. Since then, we've been slowly unpacking boxes and finding nooks and crannies for most of our items. "Most" because we are certainly donating and selling more items now that we're here, even after reducing our belongings by a significant amount in Chicago. Salvation Army is celebrating our move.

When we began unpacking, I focused my efforts on Tye's room first, which proved to be a very good idea. Once we loaded her shelves with her toys and books, she began to happily pass the time by taking inventory. As she began pulling books off her shelves, she excitedly identified each one. "Puppy book! Bunny book! Daddy book! Duck book!" Clearly, the familiarity was important to her. I think it helped her feel at home in our new, still chaotic space.

We took a break from our unpacking yesterday to make a practice run down to Tyler's office in Midtown. What a needed rest! Tye was ecstatic to finally ride the trains she's been hearing rumbling below the grates in the sidewalk. It was a quick, easy trip, just as we had hoped.

Since Tyler works next to FAO Schwarz, Manhattan's famed toy store, we stopped in with Tye. She was in awe.

Every time Tye found something she liked, she gasped as she ran towards it full speed, stopped long enough to barely investigate, and immediately, her eyes were caught by something else. She ran around the store gasping, running, gasping, running, until we found one that kept her attention- a cowgirl puppet.

As soon as she put it on and figured out how to make the mouth move, she was enchanted. What a great souvenir to remind us of our first family outing in Manhattan.

Today is Tyler's first day of work, so I'm sitting here as Tye naps surrounded by more boxes, furniture we're trying to sell, and more boxes. I keep wondering how unpacking can take so much time. We don't yet have a couch to sit on or chairs for our new tiny kitchen table, so I'm sitting on a stool next to the mobile island. I haven't been grocery shopping yet and we've almost depleted our stock of snacks, so Tye and I will probably walk to share some lunch when she wakes up. We'll share photos of our space eventually, but we have a lot of work to go before then!

Moving update

2011-10-01T14:38:00.000-05:00

After weeks of our move feeling unreal and distant, we're now in the thick of it. I had to search through half-packed boxes to find my laptop charger, and every room in our home looks foreign, it's so empty. The moving truck comes Monday to haul our belongings off to New York, and then we'll have until Thursday to make our way out there.
I have to believe the hardest part of the move is behind us. Until Wednesday night, we still didn't have an apartment in NY, even though the movers were coming in 5 days. Fortunately, our application for our apartment was accepted and we've signed a lease. Then came the first moving deadline of Friday morning, by which time we had to have our home staged for realty photos. Staged as in "nothing you own but furniture can be visible, and some of that has to go, too." We gave away about half our belongings to The Salvation Army to make room for everything else to be stuffed into closets and cabinets. Then Tye and I went to our final Chicago playgroup with our dearest friends. Even though I know I'll be in touch with them, saying goodbye was painfully hard.
Everything is slowly but surely falling- or being packed- into place. Tye knows there's something going on and isn't sleeping as well as normal, but she's having a great time playing in moving boxes with all the odds and ends that show themselves when you finally pack your home. When she asks where something is, a simple response has been sufficient so far, as if she only wants to be sure it actually is somewhere. I think we'll start talking to her about our new home on Sunday to prepare her for the sudden emptying of our current home the next day.
A deep thanks goes out to all of you for the notes of encouragement and keeping us in your thoughts and prayers. The support has been just what we needed. This week will go down as one in our lives that marks a dramatic transition, by which our lives will be measured as "before" and "after." It's an exciting time for us. Can't wait to share more!

Hide and Peek

2011-09-29T07:19:00.044-05:00

Where's Tye?

There she is!

I just finished reading Katrina Kenison's book Mitten Strings for God: Reflections for Mothers in a Hurry. It was filled with insights and ideas for taking time to appreciate the non-tangible aspects of family life. In one chapter, she discussed the importance of hiding spaces for children. She wrote:

Every child needs such a place, a place that invokes the processes of the imagination and the possibility of transformation. A place that is at once a haven from the adult world and a source of mystery and wonder, a place that a child can discover and shape and lay claim to, simply by virtue of his or her own quiet presence there, and deep observation.

I began to think about our home, with it's new construction and lack of obvious hiding spaces, and I wondered where Tye would ever hide. Of course, I didn't need to worry. Tye found a space on her own, and she spends time there every day now. Sometimes she hides and yells for me, asking me to come looking for her, and then giggles hysterically. Other times, she hides and tries to coax the cat into her space with her. Occasionally, she'll bring a snack, or she'll just sit quietly on her own for several minutes. Whenever she does, I think back to the chapter in Kenison's book and reflect on the peace Tye is discovering in her own secret space, hidden away from the rest of the busy world.

Vintage Style

2011-09-27T22:19:00.001-05:00

A few weeks ago, Tyler and I joined his family at the wedding of a family friend here in Chicago. It was a stunning ceremony at historic Old St. Patrick's Church and a lavish reception afterwards. Being pregnant, the dress options in my closet were limited. So I decided to have some fun and wear this stunning gown, a vintage piece that captured my heart when we lived in Ithaca, NY. I adored the bright color, the flowing volume, and the delicate beading so much that I visited and revisited the vintage store to drool over it. I couldn't afford the dress at the time (especially since I didn't have any idea when I would ever wear it), but my girl friends surprised me with it for my birthday that year.

After the ceremony, a woman walked up to me and introduced herself as Kathleen. Then, compliment of compliments: she asked if she could photograph me for her pregnancy fashion blog! Um, of course! She shot some beautiful photos and featured me later in the week here. What an honor.

Unfortunately, the dress barely fit over my belly then (there's a fitted inner layer), so there's no way it would fit my growing belly even now. If it did, I would likely keep it at the front of my closet to try on any time I'm having a hard time dressing my bump, just to bring back that feeling of glamor.

Thanks, Tammy, for leading the Ithaca girls towards that dress almost 6 years ago!

When life hands you change...

2011-09-19T23:37:00.002-05:00

I can look back at my life and see certain points in which my journey suddenly took a new direction. Tyler's military deployment, which led to our earlier-than-planned marriage and our move to Germany; a chance interview and a teaching position in an integrated classroom, which unveiled my calling in Special Education; that first unplanned pregnancy that, though lost, awakened our desire for children; that moment in which Tye emerged from my body and I was instantly overcome with fierce love for her in a way I could never have imagined. Intense, life-altering times of transition.

I'm standing on the brink of one of those moments now- or perhaps smack dab in the middle of it- and that awareness is unnerving.

We're moving our family. We've decided to pack up what is most important to us, leave our entire extended family and the majority of our friends, and head to New York City so Tyler can take a new job that will allow our family more time together. I feel simultaneously terrified and relieved. Since we moved to Chicago four years ago, Tyler has been consulting with a firm that has required him to travel at least four days a week. We never planned for him to continue in this position as long as he has, but right when we had hoped he'd be able to leave, the economy took a nosedive and we were grateful he was employed.

Now, Tyler has found a position in Corporate Strategy that is not only an opportunity to leave consulting but is also with a company that excites him. I'm over the moon for him to have a job he enjoys more and that won't leave him dreading each new workweek. And to see Tyler every day? A dream come true! After all, living together was part of the plan when we married. For Tye to see Tyler each day will be even more exciting. She has reached the age in which she is sad when Daddy leaves each week, and she spends much of each Monday talking about Daddy leaving. It's heartbreaking.

Of course, this move terrifies me. Our family plays such a huge role in our lives that I can't imagine how we'll survive without them sometimes. Each Sunday, our siblings and their significant others join us for Family Sunday Funday, which pretty much consists of cooking and eating delicious food together. Adapting to Sundays without them is going to be really painful. We see both sets of our parents regularly, too, sometimes even both on the same weekend. They've been our go-to babysitters for Tye, for which we've been extremely grateful.

And of course, we're leaving just months before our second child is born. When I discovered I was pregnant, I instantly thought of my amazing support system- family so closeby, and all my amazing like-minded mama friends, who I knew would ease my transition into a mother of two. My heart breaks when I think of leaving everyone. I've cried over and over as we made this decision. But then I see something like this:

Isn't this enough of a reason to make a change? Our family unit will be together. We'll have each other, and I fully expect this move to bring us even closer. From our past experiences together, Tyler and I know we can face anything with each other. Heck, we're moving to a place where I speak the native language- we're going to be just fine.

This weekend, Tyler and I are flying out to NYC to look at apartments, hopefully with a move-in date of early October. Did you catch that? (No, not the early October part, even though that is insanely soon.) Tyler and I are flying- without Tye. Tye is going to stay home Saturday night with GG, Tyler's mom. Between the flights there and back, a full day of in-and-out of a car and in-and-out of apartments, and a night in a hotel room, I honestly believe this will be easier on Tye. But maybe not easier one me- this will be my first night without Tye since she was born, and I'm super emotional about it. I know she'll be with someone she loves dearly who will be able to comfort her in my absence, and I truly believe this is in her best interest. But I'm going to miss her like I'd miss my right arm. Maybe worse.

We have a lot of changes coming up- a new home in a new state, a new job and family schedule, new friends (hopefully!), new midwife care.... There will be a lot changing in a short amount of time. Having experienced changes like this in my past, I've learned enough to be excited for myself. I know that I'll survive, and that even if it's really hard, I'll come out better for it. However, this is my first time making a transition of this magnitude with Tye. I'm hoping and praying that we can make all these changes as easy as possible for Tye. I hope to support her ability to adapt, her confidence, and her resiliency by taking full advantage of the strong attachments she has developed with us. Hopefully we can re-establish our routine once we arrive in our new home and create as much stability as possible even as the changes continue. After all, it won't be long before an even bigger change arrives in January. If nothing else, this is going to be a REALLY exciting six months.

To Tye, at 22 months

2011-09-15T20:31:00.000-05:00

Dear Tye,

Happy 22 Months! Two years is right around the corner! This month has been a really enjoyable one from my point of view, watching you as you learn so much each day. Most of your communication now is two to four (or more) words strung together, giving you more power to convey your comments and requests. A few of your most used phrases include "I do it," "I did it!" and "Want _____, please." One of my personal favorites is hearing you say "Bless you!" to someone after a sneeze. You've begun to sing along to your favorite songs and sing them to yourself later, an incredibly sweet show to watch.

Last week, our friends Talitha and Charlie took us to see a performance of Disney on Ice. Your response to the show was adorable- lots of pointing with mouth open in amazement and saying "Whoooaaa!" I never would have guessed you'd sit through the whole two hour show, especially not recognizing any characters, but you were entranced by the skaters singing and dancing in their intricate costumes.

The show was just one example of how your growing attention span is changing what you enjoy. Last weekend, you wanted to watch the baseball game in the park for a loooong time. Now when we read books, you enjoy stories with more words per page than before, especially I Love You, Little One. This afternoon, you sat at the counter while I made a batch of cookies, enthralled by the mixer and each new ingredient. I think your reward was worthwhile....

This week at our monthly Attachment Parenting group, even more than the toys or your regular best friends, you were interested in sitting and playing with our six month old friend Lily. You laid on your tummy to be at her level and talked to her quietly, even gently patting her head. Seeing you interact so willingly with a younger girl was absolutely precious, and my emotional, hormonal self teared up. You're going to be such a great big sister.

I can't believe these days have totaled up to a month already- they fly by so quickly. Happy 22 months, Tye. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.

Love,
Mama

Apple Season

2011-09-09T18:35:00.000-05:00

I can't believe it's already fall! Kids are back in school, the water fountains at the playgrounds are turned off, and the beaches are unguarded. Summer ended abruptly in Chicago, with a 20 degree drop in daily temperatures overnight. I'm not sure where summer went, but it's been with a strong hint of sadness that we've welcomed the fall season and it's weather.

Today our nature meetup group went apple picking at a farm in the suburbs. Despite the intermittent mist, the day was a huge success. Tye noticed right away that there were apples on the tree and gasped with excitement as she pointed to them. Though her basket was filled mostly with fallen apples, we managed to find some delicious apples to pick off the trees and take home. We also picked our own pumpkins and kale (the latter of which Tye ate raw as we returned to the farmhouse).

As soon as we returned home, we cut up a couple of our freshly picked apples, spread them with sunflower seed butter, and enjoyed one of my own all time favorite snacks from childhood.

While I'm looking forward to baking with our freshly picked produce, by far the best things I took away from today were intangible: watching Tye learn enthusiastically that apples grow on trees, exploring a farm and feeding chickens together, and sharing a nostalgic childhood snack. This part of fall I love.

Seeing Similarities

2011-09-06T22:03:00.000-05:00

Thanks to my brother, Mark, for pointing this one out. It's all in the hair....

Tye

Doc Brown from Back to the Future

Don't Mess with Mama!

2011-08-31T16:22:00.000-05:00

I absolutely love this! A study published in the September issue of Psychological Science shows that breastfeeding mothers are more aggressive than formula-feeding mothers and women without children. In fact, moms who are exclusively breastfeeding are twice as aggressive as women who aren't (whether they are formula-feeding moms or not moms). Apparently, that "mama bear" reaction, known as "lactation aggression," that boiled up inside of me wasn't all in my head. Rather, it appeared because nursing causes lower blood pressure, which dampens the physical effects of stress and aggression in the body. When a breastfeeding mama is threatened, her body adapts, allowing her to become twice as aggressive before her body sees the same rise in blood pressure. Those same changes have the added benefit of protecting the mom against everyday stressors, too, in case any moms out there needed one more reason to breastfeed.

She may look friendly, but don't mess with this mama!!!!

20 Weeks!

2011-08-29T19:29:00.001-05:00

We're now 20 weeks along in this second pregnancy- halfway to our due date! I can barely believe how quickly the first half went. I'm not sure if it was the morning sickness haze, or the feeling that summer flew by, or staying busy chasing a toddler around, but I feel like the time disappeared. Right about now, baby is somewhere around 9-10 ounces in weight and probably close to 10 inches long. There's a layer of vernix over baby's skin to protect it, and baby is already making and storing the meconium we'll see after the birth.

I'm feeling quite large already, and strangers are making comments about me being pregnant, a good sign I'm looking more pregnant than just chubby. From my point of view, my belly looks enormous, and it's already getting in the way. I have started wearing my apron for any and all cooking I do since my belly keeps sticking itself into the middle of my kitchen tasks, and I should probably keep it on while I eat at this point since my belly seems to be a catch-all during meals. Generally, though, I'm super grateful to be feeling well right now and trying to take advantage of the energy while I have it. We're in the midst of the second trimester "honeymoon" stage- it's easy to enjoy being pregnant right now. Combine that with the absolutely perfect weather Chicago has been having, and it's a lovely time of year for us. We're trying to soak it up while it lasts.

20 weeks!

Click here see what I was doing at 20 weeks with Tye, or here to see what I looked like around then.

Peeking at Baby

2011-08-25T13:50:00.000-05:00

Happy Monday!

2011-08-22T21:58:00.001-05:00

Finding Out: Thoughts on Gender

2011-08-19T10:32:00.001-05:00

I've been thinking a lot about the gender of this next babe, mostly because our 20 week ultrasound is Thursday (6 days away!). We aren't totally convinced we want to find out if we're having a girl or a boy, and if we do find out, we're not sure we're going to share with anyone else.

Part of me would love for baby's sex to be a birth day surprise. I love the old-fashioned approach to welcoming a baby, not necessarily a boy or girl, but a baby. Part of me also wants to rebel against the rest of the world's expectations that we'll be disappointed if we have another girl- all those people who have the nerve to say, "Oh, another girl? That's too bad, I'm sure you were wishing it was going to be a boy." What if Tye hears that over and over again? Will she think we always wanted a boy and there's something wrong with being a girl? I would do anything to protect her from that, even wait another 20 weeks to find out if we're having a boy or girl. And what if the ultrasound technician is wrong about the gender?

Still another part of me wants to know. I'm a little scared that if I don't find out, the lack of such an intimate detail may keep me from bonding as closely with this baby before the birth. Remember our nickname for Tye, Baby Girl? As generic as it sounds, it was said (and often sung) so lovingly, so frequently, that it was part of Tye's identity when she was born and is still a common nickname for her in our house. And then there's the practical angle- I would love to know if I should get rid of Tye's baby clothes to make way for boy items, or if I should unpack and wash all our gorgeous girls' clothes and be all set for a sister. And, I could start shopping for baby.... We have time to decide, and if we aren't sure, we can always have the ultrasound tech write the gender on a piece of paper and seal it in an envelope for us for a later reveal, should we choose (if we could hold that envelope without tearing it open).

I've also been thinking a lot about this baby's gender recently because at the beginning of the pregnancy, I was pretty certain I was carrying a girl. It was the same mother's intuition I felt with Tye, when I kept seeing little girls and thinking immediately, "I'm going to have one of those." Add to that the timing of conception, which was the same as Tye's, and the similar morning sickness patterns, and I was pretty sure this heartbeat belongs to a girl.

More recently, though (as in, once I woke up from the first trimester haze of nonstop nausea), I've been noticing all the ways this pregnancy is so very different from mine with Tye. Most notably, my complexion looks great right now- if anything, it's clearer than before I was pregnant (thank you, God!). During my first pregnancy, I broke out horribly from the moment we conceived and had pimples covering my face, chest, back, and neck through the delivery. This time I have, however, noticed dark pigmentation on my mustache area after a day in the sun, a normal hormonal pregnancy reaction but one I never saw on myself before. Also this time around, I didn't notice in myself the same first trimester puffy stage, when my face, especially, looked round and puffy as happened with Tye. I've also noticed that during this pregnancy, I pretty much don't have to shave my legs at all any more. I could go two weeks sans razor and still wear a dress. I don't remember that at all from my first pregnancy, and leg hair growth is one of those tell-tale signs according to many beliefs. (In case you're keeping track, yes, I'm loving this pregnancy right now- the clear, non-puffy skin and hairless legs far outweigh the tiny brown mustache spots.) Oh, and those feelings that I'm definitely having a girl have disappeared, whether on their own or because of all these inconsistencies.

I don't know yet if we'll find out what all this means on Thursday or 20 weeks from now, but either way, the results won't matter much to me. I would love to have a son and experience parenting a boy, for Tye to have a brother (because I adore mine), and for Tyler to have a son. But I would also love for Tye grow up with a sister, something I never had myself, to be able to watch their relationship over the years, and for Tyler to have two Daddy's Girls at home. Either way, I am beyond excited to welcome a new life into our family, to hold our little one close, to share the joy of a sibling with Tye, and to grow simultaneously bigger and closer as a family unit. Whether we find out or not, Thursday will be a joyful first glimpse at the new life joining ours.

I can't wait to peek at you, little one. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you!

Humboldt Park Lagoon Swim Session

2011-08-18T18:54:00.001-05:00

We stole Daddy away from work between conference calls and snuck over to Humboldt Park. The shallow, calm waters and small crowd there are a perfect place for some family play time in the water. I also showed off my belly at 18 1/2 weeks.

Running!

2011-08-17T16:50:00.000-05:00

Our favorite Tuesday afternoon activity... running laps through Ines' kitchen with Marquise and Aubrey. Tye has this high-pitched, dolphin-esque laugh when she's excited. I'm pretty sure her friends think she's screaming with excitement, because it never takes long for them to start shrieking along.

Model behavior

2011-08-16T21:47:00.001-05:00

These are some shots Aunt Tiana caught on her iPhone a couple weekends ago while we were out walking to pick up coffee. I think they're some of the best photos of Tye we have. She's rocking those rain boots like she's a paid model.

(I just love that Oompa Loompa-ish hairstyle- curls on the sides and top!)

To Tye, at 21 months

2011-08-14T23:48:00.001-05:00

Dear Tye,

I can barely believe that you're now closer to two years old than to one and a half! And yet, you send reminders my way every day. You can count to ten now and you're learning more letters in the ABCs every day. You're so hungry for that song, to learn those few missing gaps, that we sing it together practically nonstop. You've grown a couple inches in the past few weeks, too, just in time for the end of summer. Looking at clothes that were huge on you earlier this season and now are too small should be another reminder you're closing in on two.

We had a busy month together, including rides in a "hairpane," taxi, and train, all of which thrilled you. Though you love our outings and play dates, you seem to find the most joy in our simple routine of walking Mico together every morning and evening. You choose a toy or treasured object to hold before we leave the house, and then we hold hands walking down the stairs. You very slowly step out the door onto the sidewalk, and then we walk to the end of the block and back together. Sometimes you run or jump your way through most of the outing, sometimes you find treasures like sticks or rubberbands, and sometimes you pause to pretend your baby or animal that day is walking along with us. We smile and say hi to each passerby, though you receive far more responses than I do. I'm treasuring these walks in the warm weather and hoping we can enjoy them as much when we have to bundle up this fall and winter.

I want you to know that I pause several times each day to savor the moment we're having together, just the two of us. This is such a special time together, and I am grateful to be able to devote all of my attention to you for so much of each day. Though I believe with all my heart that a sibling is the best gift I'll ever give you, I'm cherishing our time now as a mother-daughter pair with you as my little side kick. You make every outing and occasion worthy of celebrating, from your excited expression when we select apples at the grocery store, to the look of amazement on your face as you see the cars whizzing below the overpass, to your beautiful voice singing from the stroller, carrier, or car seat. You and I have a great time together, kiddo.

Happy 21 months, Tye. They've been the best of my life. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.

Love,
Mama

Firsts at the Arboretum

2011-08-12T00:37:00.000-05:00

Wednesday, we took a trip to the Morton Arboretum with Ines and Marquise and Ines' goddaughters, Morgan and Delanie. When we arrived, Tye happily chased butterflies until her friends arrived, when she squealed with delight. We found a fuzzy caterpillar in the parking lot, and after watching it and everyone holding it for quite a while, Tye held her first caterpillar.

In the Children's Garden, Tye loved playing with the water and rocks in the man-made creek.

After the water, we ate lunch in a meadow next to two huge Asian pine trees whose droopy branches created spacious shady hideaways, perfect for playing. There, Tye climbed her first tree. It was a wonderful day for our little nature explorer.

Can we blame teething?

2011-08-09T23:15:00.000-05:00

According to a new study published in the journal Pediatrics, teething is only responsible for mild symptoms and not fevers. The study followed 47 infants over 15 months and found only minor symptoms on the day a tooth erupted, such as a slight increase in temperature, a day of diarrhea, drooling, irritability, and poor sleep (no kidding on that last one). The study's authors note that fevers and longer periods of diarrhea in infants are cause for concern and should not be passed off as signs of teething.

While teething may not cause symptoms like fevers or congestion, they certainly seem to be linked. Many nurses, caregivers, and parents blame teething even looking back on an event. I, certainly, can think of episodes of diarrhea and fevers that occurred during teething spells. Yet I've always wondered about the true cause of more severe symptoms.

Even according to the Pediatrics study, babies suffer some unpleasant side effects of teething. And, (all you moms out there), what else do babies do when they're teething? They chew on every item within reach. Could it be that teething causes mouthing of items, which leads to the ingestion of disease-causing pathogens? I've always wondered if the association between a fever and more serious symptoms is valid, even if the causal relationship is not. Of course, the difference is that an illness during a time of teething may require separate treatment from the teething. Which goes right back to the conclusion of the most recent study- that doctors and parents should seek treatment for ongoing fevers and diarrhea rather than blaming them on teething (at least, rather than blaming them on teething alone).

Sometimes wisdom written off as an old wives' tale is based on some truth. For example, chicken soup really does help cure colds and the flu. That science has proven teething isn't the cause of severe symptoms doesn't mean the two aren't related. Just ask a mom.

August is Breastfeeding Awareness Month!

2011-08-05T11:59:00.022-05:00

In celebration, check out 101 Reasons to Breastfeed Your Child. It's fantastic!

My personal favorites from the list:

2. Breastfeeding promotes bonding between mother and baby
Breastfeeding stimulates the release of the hormone oxytocin in the mother's body. "It is now well established that oxytocin, as well as stimulating uterine contractions and milk ejection, promotes the development of maternal behavior and also bonding between mother and offspring.

8. Breast milk is always ready and comes in a nicer package than formula does
Need we say more?

52. Breast milk acts like a natural tranquilizer for baby
Mother's milk contains chemicals that seem to work like "knock-out drops" for tired babies. Even if baby doesn't fall asleep, he/she will certainly calm down and become more agreeable. If you choose to breastfeed into toddlerhood, you may find that the "terrible twos" never materialize!
53. Breastfeeding acts like a natural tranquilizer for mom
Nursing mothers often joke about falling asleep on the job. The sleep inducing qualities of nursing a baby are remarkable. In fact, new mothers have to be careful to hold a nursing baby in such a way that they will not drop the child when they inevitably nod off. Nursing in bed is a great solution. Even pumping at work can be a great way to calm down and get refocused on a stressful day.

100. Breastfed babies smell fantastic
Again, this is not a scientific study. Their is something almost magical about the scent of your own breastfed baby, whether you're the mother or father involved. Try it, you'll like it!
101. It's what breasts were designed for!

Travel Tips for Flying with a Toddler

2011-08-04T17:03:00.000-05:00

6. Travel during nap time. If that isn't possible, fly when your young traveler will be well-rested and happy. On our flight out to Seattle, we synced with nap time and Tye slept most of the flight. For our return trip, we flew in the morning, the happiest portion of Tye's day. Both trips went amazingly well. (By the way, remember when I confessed I was a bit nervous about nursing Tye as a toddler on a flight back in December? Well, I nursed Tye on one of our flights this time. She's a much older, bigger toddler now, and I'm pregnant, but we still made it happen. And I don't think anyone had a clue!)

5. Pack light, but check it anyway. When Tyler and I travel together, this rule doesn't apply as much, but when it's just Tye and me, I make sure I can check my bag. I'm already running around an airport chasing a toddler, carrying my huge carry-on bag overstuffed with activities and food. To me, toting my luggage isn't a realistic option.

4. Check for play spaces. Before your trip, look up any airports and see if they have play spaces available for children. O'Hare Airport in Chicago has a huge play space designed by the Chicago Children's Museum. Tye loved the opportunity to climb around, and I was glad she wore herself out before the flight.

3. Pack a variety of activities. We brought books that lend themselves easily to expanding upon the story, including Eric Carle's The Very Busy Spider so we could talk about barnyard animals and their sounds as well as picture books with items to count, a favorite activity right now. Tye's favorite pastime on the plane was playing with stickers. We started out with the cheaper stickers I found (stars, flowers, smiley faces) and when she slowed down, I brought out the big guns- trains, cars, and Elmo. We put all the stickers in a little spiral notebook so Tye could revisit the stickers and label the objects later. Though we were prepared with Sesame Street episodes on the iPad, we honestly barely used it because everything else was so engaging.

2. Pack novel foods. A trip to Whole Foods searching for healthy treats supplied us with Annie's Organic fruit snacks, dried cherries, trail mix, organic raisins in miniature boxes, and single serving-sized bags of Annie's Organic Cheddar Bunnies. Even if only the packaging was novel, the concept worked on Tye, who was excited to eat all these new goodies. Our bag of enticing treats reminded me of Halloween. For the ultimate emergency (picture screaming, inconsolable child mid-flight), I was prepared with organic lollipops. I figured Tye couldn't scream with one of those in her mouth. Fortunately, we never resorted to them, but knowing I had a plan was priceless.

1. Take care of yourself. Be absolutely sure to get enough rest the week before your trip, especially the night before. Eat appropriately before and during your trip- before you're hungry and blood sugar levels plunge. Traveling with a toddler is potentially very hard work that requires lots of patience, something we all have more of when we feel good. Most of all, go easy on yourself and resist the pressure of other travelers when you need to. While being considerate of other travelers is polite, at the end of the day, you're going home with your toddler, not them. Be true to your parenting style no matter where you are and you'll all be happier at the end of the day.

Seattle Recap

2011-08-03T22:26:00.001-05:00

Tye and I traveled to Seattle on Wednesday, where we met Tyler at the airport. That night, we used points to book a fancy room at the W downtown. From our room, Tye could watch the traffic and birds below. Her favorite pastime was riding the elevator, though.

While Tyler worked Thursday morning, Tye and I explored downtown. We stopped at Beecher's right outside of Pike Place Market, where we watched cheese being made in huge vats before we bought some fresh curds for breakfast. From there, we walked down to the waterfront and the Seattle Aquarium. Tye touched star fish in the tide pool petting zoo, which she loved almost as much as the huge, awesome tank of all local species. Did you know the Puget Sound contains over 200 species of fish?

The rest of the weekend, we stayed with our friends Laurie and Josh, whose son Brady is just a month younger than Tye. Brady and Tye were immediately buddies, to the point that they woke up requesting each other first thing each morning. Staying with a family with a child the same age is absolutely the easiest way to travel, from car seats to bath toys to snacks to DVR'd episodes of Sesame Street (Tye is going through a bit of Brady and Elmo withdrawl now that we're home, though...). Not only is it the easiest, it's the most fun- our hosts knew exactly which activities would entertain the whole family and we loved talking about our kids without worrying if anyone was sick of hearing about them.

Leaving Tye with a sitter for Saturday's wedding turned out to be no problem, either. As long as Brady was there, Tye barely noticed I was gone! The wedding that brought us out to Seattle in the first place was beautiful, and we had a great time with friends from our time in Ithaca, NY. It was a full extended weekend trip with beautiful weather in a fun city, great family time, and catching up with good friends.

Greetings from Seattle!

2011-07-29T18:22:00.000-05:00

NWP

2011-07-25T13:15:00.000-05:00

My life has taken me plenty of crazy places I never expected- living in Germany, eating vegan for several years, working at a trendy denim boutique in central New York and later for a Jewish non-profit agency. Now I have another activity to add to that list- nursing while pregnant.

It was something I had never even considered until close to the end of my pregnancy with Tye, when I was reading our birth class instructor's resume online. There, she listed tandem nursing among her experiences. Clueless, I Googled the term and found this Wikipedia site, which explained that tandem nursing is "feeding two children at the same time who are not twins or multiples." (By the way, when I searched the term today, many non-Wikipedia sites came up before the Wikipedia site did. Is it possible the term has become more common in the past two years?)

I hadn't even known tandem nursing or nursing through pregnancy were possible. I certainly didn't see myself tandem nursing in the future. I was still unsure what my own breastfeeding relationship would look like with Tye. Like so many aspects of parenting, I was leaving it up to what felt right in the moment, hoping I would follow my instincts and make the best choice for Baby Girl.

So here we are, two years later. Tye is still nursing, which feels right to me. On a normal day, Tye nurses upon waking, before nap, and before bed, and usually one to two super-short sips at night. Now, when Tye is hurt or upset, she usually copes with her emotions without nursing, though nursing is still the best way to calm her when she's overwhelmed by a new situation (brave little Tye, though, is far more likely to overwhelm others than become overwhelmed herself!). When Tye sees me changing, she'll point to my breasts and mumble something about na nas (our nursing code word) while she shakes her head "no" and giggles, as if she's saying "I don't need to have those any more." If Tye does ask for na nas during the day, it's more likely a sign that other needs aren't being met- she's hungry or thirsty, or needs some cuddle time.

Before I became pregnant again, I read a fabulous book titled Adventures in Tandem Nursing: Breastfeeding During Pregnancy and Beyond by Hillary Flower. It's full of relevant science, cultural studies, and best of all, personal experiences from hundreds of women who have tried tandem nursing (not all successfully- an aspect I especially appreciated). I decided when the time came, I would listen to my body rather than weaning Tye automatically.

That time came a little sooner than I really expected (I unknowingly finished the book after this little one was conceived), and I was grateful for my timely preparation. The first few weeks of nursing Tye were barely different for me, and didn't seem to be any different for her. Then I went through about two weeks when I seemed to have more milk than before, followed by a sharp decline in supply (what a tease!). Tye began to switch sides during nursing more quickly and more often. During my second month of pregnancy, I began to feel really uncomfortable with Tye nursing for a long period of time- for example, if she nursed longer than 30-45 minutes before falling asleep, a rare occurrence but a possibility. I began keeping Tye's water next to our bed so I could offer her a drink in the middle of the night, which has been a lifesaver. Instead of nursing to quench her thirst, now she wakes and asks or reaches for water when she wakes at night (that made me wonder how much of Tye's nighttime comfort nursing in the past was actually for thirst!).

So far, nursing during pregnancy has been easy and felt instinctively right. I wouldn't have chosen to wean Tye at this age if I wasn't pregnant, and breastfeeding is going well for us, even if it does look a little different. I'm consciously listening to my body, and I expect things to change, especially as my colostrum comes in when I'm further along. With my history of early contractions, the thought of contractions during nursing has crossed my mind, but I've decided to deal with challenges when/if we get there. I'll continue to listen to my body and follow my parenting instincts, whether it leads to weaning or tandem nursing down the road. One lesson I've learned well through my unpredictable life is that it's not worth stressing over hypothetical situations. I rarely end up where I thought I would be anyway.

"Flower" by Tye

2011-07-21T10:26:00.000-05:00

Tye created her first unapproved masterpiece- on our front door. Can you just barely see it there in blue crayon?

It's nothing a Mr.Clean Magic Eraser won't take care of easily, but I've left it up for almost a week. It certainly doesn't make the door less attractive, and once or twice a day, Tye will walk up to her creation and point to it, saying "Flower!" before she leans over and smells her drawing. Apparently, this is Tye's rendition of a flower.

Flower by Tye
Crayon on painted door
Private Collection

Staying Cool

2011-07-20T22:33:00.000-05:00

In case you're one of the 5% of Americans not frying in the scorching heat wave right now (or not American), let me just tell you- it is HOT in the Midwest. Chicago reached 99 degrees today with a heat index closer to 110. I've dealt with really hot temperatures before- the summer I lived in Spain, temps averaged closer to 120. But that was in desert conditions with chilly evenings, buildings designed to stay cool during the hot day, and a siesta during the hottest hours.

I'm the kind of person who doesn't normally mind the heat- in fact, I seek it out. I love the sun and feeling my entire body heated through. I don't even mind sweating in Chicago's humidity. I like the heat so much that it gives me waves feel-good goosebumps, whether I'm in a hot shower or the sweltering sun. Even this summer, when the heat is more likely to bring on nausea, I still love to be outside in the heat.

Despite yesterday's high thermometer readings, we met friends at Millennium Park, famous for its big silver bean art and face fountains. The Chicago Park District has a huge circus tent full of free children's activities every day during the summer, including a sing-a-long hour each morning. After checking that out, we cooled off in the fountains.

Tye loved the splash pool of about two inches of water between the fountains. For her, it was like running through the world's biggest puddle over and over again. When she realized she was allowed to lay down in it, too, I thought we'd never leave.

Tye also braved the fountains' waterfalls, running through the "rain," as she called it.

The fountains provided a beautiful escape from the midday heat, even if its effects were long gone by the time we took the L home. After an exciting morning playing in the world's biggest puddle complete with a round trip train ride, Tye had reached her limit. So we followed our Spanish sensibilities and took a nice, long siesta.

Welcome, 2nd Trimester!

2011-07-17T14:22:00.000-05:00

Today marks the first day of my second trimester! We celebrated with a lunch of fried zucchini blossoms stuffed with goat milk muenster cheese, both fresh from the farmer's market, before watching the US in the Women's World Cup Final game. On Friday, I saw the midwife and we heard the baby's heartbeat again. Because we've chosen to decline any screenings for birth defects, our visits are short and sweet- a good thing since Tye sits in a chair in the room with me the whole time.

We've begun talking to Tye about the baby, and she now points to my belly when we ask her where the baby is (as opposed to pointing to her own belly, as she did initially). Tye loves to straddle my lap facing me, lift my shirt, and kiss the baby. I'm looking forward to her being able to feel the baby kick, which should happen relatively soon. If it's like my first pregnancy, we only have a few weeks to wait. While I can already feel little fluttering movements occasionally, I'm also looking forward to feeling more regular kicks as little reassurances that everything is okay.

This first trimester has been a difficult one for me to practice appreciating every day. It's just too easy for me to look forward to feeling better, feeling the baby, and even physically looking pregnant rather than just chubby. As I enter this second trimester, I'm working to concentrate on being grateful for what I have each day. I'm still small enough to avoid most aches and pains that will come later, I feel far better than I did earlier, I'm still able to nurse Tye, and I've had no complications so far. Today is absolutely a day to celebrate.

To Tye, at 20 months

2011-07-14T06:31:00.000-05:00

Dear Tye,

Happy 20 months! We got together with some of your friends and their moms the other day, and everyone agreed you had grown over the weekend. Perhaps you knew you were coming up on a big milestone and felt the need to rise to the occasion. Though for me, recognizing your growth often requires changes like loosening your seatbelt straps or realizing you've outgrown another pair of shoes (both of which happened this week), I still have plenty of moments when I just stand in awe of you and how big you've become. The other day, I had one of those moments in front of the bathroom mirror when I glimpsed at how long your body is now in comparison to mine. Do you realize that you're almost 5 times your birth weight now?

Last night, your Uncle Mark and I took you to the playground nearby. You ran all over, your legs moving incredibly quickly as your body rotated side to side with each stride. Though the swings may still be your favorite attraction at the playground, you now spend most of your time on climbing equipment, honing your skills. I trust you with familiar equipment enough that I can sit and watch you from a little distance, giving you freedom to explore. Tonight at the playground, two police officers stood chatting near the entrance to the park for a few minutes. You continued to run around and be your normal jovial self, skipping from one place to another, chattering to yourself and giggling with each new activity. As the officers left, one nodded to you and said, "Thank you. I needed to fill up on some nice."

That's just how you are, Tye. You fill peoples' days with nice. Whether we're at the grocery store or just walking Mico, your bright smile and cheerful "Hi!" coax happy responses from everyone we meet. I appreciate the reminder that even the grimmest-looking passerby may just be waiting for a reason to smile, and that anyone can make another person's morning- even their day- with just a smile and a greeting. Most of all, I'm forever grateful to have your cheer injected into my day. I'm amazed by how a ten minute gigglefest with you can change my perspective on things. Seriously, who knew tickling you could make laundry piles appear smaller and responsibilities seem less daunting?

You amaze me, Tye. You keep me running, guessing, learning, and wondering. I'm so grateful to be on this journey with you. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.

Love,
Mama

Go Sox!

2011-07-12T13:43:00.001-05:00

Tye is loving summer and all the new activities it brings. Recently, Tyler, Tye and I went on a family trip to Wrigley Field to see the White Sox beat the Cubs in a crosstown rivalry game. We had comfortable, if not perfect, weather and great seats- front row of the upper deck, just past first base. The fence was high enough that I wasn't worried about Tye's safety, Tye had room to move around in front of us, and we all had a great view of the game. Tye wore her White Sox Tshirt and we were supposedly shown on TV several times throughout the game.

Tye saying "Cheese!"

It's one, two, three strikes you're out...

For Tyler and me, the game was a special moment to cherish our family of three and our time with Tye as an only child. For Tye, it was a special day because it involved a huge box of popcorn and soft pretzels with cheese sauce and mustard- the girl was in Heaven. It was a day we all loved.

We've been growing!

2011-07-11T23:42:00.000-05:00

Hi everyone! First of all, thank you so very much for all the kind words and wishes regarding this new pregnancy. Reading those comments was like receiving a line of hugs. Thank you! We're still here, and I'm finally starting to feel a bit better. My constant 24/7 nausea has eased to morning and evening nausea, giving me a good portion of the day to accomplish things and eat as much as I can. Sunday marks the first day of my second trimester- I can't believe how quickly the time is flying! Our baby, who is about the size of a large lemon, now has fingerprints and reflexes and is peeing to create amniotic fluid (which made Tyler proud to hear). I think I've even felt baby moving a few times, though it's hard to know for sure.

Tye is continuing to develop, too. She just started creating two word phrases by adding "go" to words. I'm amazed by the variety of meanings she can communicate by simply adding one word to the rest of her vocabulary- "Choo choo go?" is "Where did my choo choo go?" while "Mommy go" means "Mommy is leaving," while "Nigh nigh go" means "I want to go night night." While I've had to put some effort into maintaining a positive attitude while I've felt so sick, the reward of observing Tye continuing to grow has been well worthwhile. Just to show how much she's grown, here are some photos from our Fourth of July celebration.

Happy Fourth!

2011-07-04T13:46:00.000-05:00

The real reason I haven't been posting....

2011-06-23T12:53:00.000-05:00

I miss writing blog posts here- they've become a welcomed outlet for me, much like journaling. I can share what interests me, organize my own thoughts on topics and events in my life, and brag about my gorgeous little girl without feeling guilty. Most of my posts in the past 19 months have been written while Tye was napping or after she'd fallen asleep for the night, especially more recently, since Tye turned into Tye-nado.

But for the past few months, I've been needing those quiet times for extra sleep myself. I'm now 10 1/2 weeks pregnant! I took a pregnancy test on Mother's Day that turned up positive- a little celebration I'll always remember on future Mother's Days.

Like my pregnancy with Tye, I've been battling morning sickness- more nausea and gagging than actual vomiting, but I think that's because I spend so much energy willing my food to stay down once it's in. I was starting to really worry about the weight I've been losing, but at my midwife appointment last week, I was reminded that this isn't quite the same as my pregnancy with Tye.

This time around, I have more weight to lose (since I never did return to my pre-baby weight completely). I'm better rested, thanks to my daily naps with Tye. I'm also under far less stress than the spring and summer I taught while expecting. As much as I love teaching, staying home with Tye carries fewer concerns and deadlines. I also discovered that a supplement of Vitamin B6 has helped ease my nausea and at least keep me mobile- and able to run around with Tye.

Friday of last week, Tye and I visited the midwife office. Amy, who attended Tye's birth, saw us and we listened to our new babe's heartbeat. I'll never cease to be amazed by the power of that sound- such reassurance, joy, and gratitude in response to a pattern of rapid thumps. Until I begin to feel this baby move, those thumps are all I have. Well, those thumps, the nausea (which I know is a good sign for the pregnancy), and my already-expanding belly. At 10 weeks now, I look more like I did at 15 weeks with Tye.

My official due date is January 15, giving us plenty of time to prepare ourselves for our next addition. I'm thrilled for Tye to be an older sister. I am blessed to have really wonderful, close relationships with my two younger brothers, and I feel strongly that a sibling is the best gift I could ever give Tye. Still, sometimes it's hard for me to believe that we're entering our next stage in life, becoming a family with more than one child. I look forward to the changes that are coming, and to chronicling them all here, just as I did with Tye's arrival. Just maybe not during nap time for a little while.

To Tye, at 19 months

2011-06-14T22:43:00.000-05:00

Dear Tye,

The number 19 has never sounded so large. I mean, a 19 month old is almost two. Having a daughter who is a year and a half sounds right to me- but having a daughter who is almost two is really blowing my mind. Sometimes, though, I can see the two year old in you showing itself- like when you refuse to let me feed you, insisting that I put down the fork so you can accomplish the entire task of feeding yourself by yourself. Or when you steal an off-limits item from my purse, then run into the bedroom to hide, closing the door behind you.

Much like your avoidance techniques, your play is becoming more sophisticated. One of your favorite games right now is to usher Ziggy into your room, then close the door; then you knock, open the door to see Ziggy staring at you, say brightly, "Hi Ziggy!" and burst into hysterical giggles. You generally repeat this pattern about 20 times before tiring, I imagine because your stomach hurts from laughing so hard for so long. You also love to feed your stuffed animals now, whether you offer them a cracker or water or, your new favorite, hold them up to my breast to nurse.

Over the past month, your canines have grown in, giving you a significantly more grown-up looking smile. Add to that the sweet ringlets on the back of your head, and you look like you could be two already.

Last weekend, Gram babysat you while Daddy and I went out for a date. She couldn't believe how much clearer your words had become in the past two weeks. Spending every day with you and hearing new words in context, I can almost always understand what you're trying to say, but I think you'll find that communicating with others as easily is extremely rewarding. If you think I get excited when you point to new items, just wait until your grandmas geek out over it.

As we move into summer, I can't help but remember everything we did together last summer. Just look at how scrumptiously adorable you were exactly one year ago, taking your first bath sitting up. Now I can hardly get you to sit down in the tub. Last year when we went to the playground, you played with the wood chips. This summer, you run from one attraction to the next, requesting activities by name. Just last week, you and I had a gorgeous morning at the Green City Market near the lake. We picked out some delicious, local strawberries, then found shelter from the hot sun in shaded chairs as we listened to the peaceful live flamenco guitar. As we soaked up the beauty of the morning with all our senses, I was sure I was being shown a little glimpse of Heaven. It was one of those moments I want to bottle up and take with me forever.

I'm so looking forward to a wonderfully busy summer exploring Chicago and beyond with you, Tye. You remind me to look at the world with fresh eyes- to look up at every plane and bird and to literally stop to smell every flower, because we never know which ones will amaze us with their sweetness. Most of all, you remind me that love is infinite. Just when I think I can't love you any more, you pucker up to ask for a kiss and I remember that there's no limit to loving you. Thank you for making me a better person every day of your life. And yes, that will even be true when you're nine years old and even nineteen years old. Especially if you pucker up and ask for a kiss then.

Happy 19 month birthday, Tye. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.

Love,
Mama

Whale Watching

2011-06-07T22:00:00.000-05:00

With Chicago's heat index well over 100 today, we decided to take a quick break from the heat and visit the Shedd Aquarium. We arrived as it opened to take advantage of members-only viewing of their new exhibit, Jellies.

From there, we walked downstairs to view the beluga whales and dolphins underwater. We were the only people in that entire portion of the aquarium for almost an hour- precious time to explore before being overwhelmed by hoards of field trip attendees.

We spent at least half an hour watching, and being watched by, the beluga whales. Remember my special attachment to the mama beluga with whom I shared months of pregnancy, then months to years of lactating? It seems Tye feels a special bond with the whales, too.

As Tye and I watched the belugas swim laps around their pool, they watched us closely, touching the thick glass as they passed. When we revisited the whales later, they seemed almost to be avoiding the window, perhaps as overwhelmed by the crowd as we were. I was so thankful for those silent moments of mutual observation.

The Pianist

2011-05-26T17:21:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, Tye and I drove to visit my grandparents in Rockford. We arrived in time for lunch, then had a nice long walk around their neighborhood, spent some time talking/napping, then had dinner and some more play time. Tye fell in love with their baby grand piano. Watching her explore the keys and corresponding sounds- reaching all the way from one end to the other- was really sweet. It was a bit like seeing a piano with completely new eyes.

Have you ever just sat back and watched grandparents or great-grandparents with a child? The child brings out the youth in the older generation. I see it so clearly with Tye's grandparents- they act the youngest I've ever seen them when they're with Tye. Yesterday, I had the same feeling watching my grandparents play with Tye as they made musical instruments out of cookie cooling racks and played peek-a-boo over the counter. Then Gramma told stories about some of her experiences mothering my dad and uncles, memories I'll treasure right along watching Tye play piano for the first time.

To Tye, at 18 months

2011-05-19T06:41:00.001-05:00

Dear Tye,

Happy half birthday! Or, as you would say (imitating a talking birthday cake toy you have), "Happy, happy, happy.... Happy!" You have so many things to say these days. We understand more of it than ever- you have a vocabulary that grows daily and is now far too long to list- but you also spend a great deal of your time jabbering. Recently, you've been cracking us up with your new facial expressions, like your "shocked" face, with eyebrows raised as high as possible and mouth wide open. As you learn to imitate our expressions more precisely and use them appropriately, your ability to communicate is enhanced. We've been adding more signs, too, which helps, and your attempts to sign banana are precious.

Several weeks ago, our trip to the Lincoln Park Zoo became a turning point for you. We were lucky enough to be able to stand next to the window when the male lion was pacing inches away from us on the other side. After several minutes, he stopped and roared. Suddenly, my repetitive "What does a lion say? Roar!" monologue clicked, and you began roaring back at the lion. For the next 30 minutes, you stood in front of the lion exhibit roaring at the lions. I'm not sure if this convinced you that some animals say something other than "woof," or if you made that connection separately but on the same day, but suddenly we could ask you what a variety of animals say and you would tell us the right sound. Perhaps the cutest is the restraint you use to very quietly meow, especially compared to your loud, breathy roar.

You also have a new bike! You love pushing yourself along with your feet and you've picked up steering incredibly quickly. I think you're also really excited to finally have your own "bi" after admiring Daddy's for so long.

Watching you grow is such a joy, Tye. Hearing you sing, seeing you ride a bike, watching you navigate the playground easily, I can't help but be amazed that my baby is doing such grown up things. You fill each day with so much happiness, from your sleepy morning smiles to your sweet goodnight kisses. Thank you for the best year and a half of my life, Baby Girl. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.

Love, Mama

Spring Fever

2011-05-18T22:49:00.000-05:00

I know, I've been away for a bit- but Tye and I have been taking full advantage of spring. Last week, we had three glorious days of sun and temps in the 90s, which felt more like summer than spring. We've been spending every free moment outside at the playground, on nature walks, planting our patio garden, walking Mico, and riding Tye's new bike. Even on the rainy days, we've maintained our spring momentum and enjoyed the warm rain.

Ask any Chicagoan about summer in Chicago, and you'll hear a response along the same theme: Summer in Chicago is amazing because here, the cold winters create a true appreciation for good weather. When the weather warms up, the city comes alive with people all anxious to soak up the sun after a winter of hibernation. I feel the same way. So while it's no excuse for staying away for so long, at least you know our Spring Fever won't last forever. We're quickly stocking up on the only known cure: more sunshine.

Tye's Debut Vocal Performance

2011-05-09T11:19:00.000-05:00

Happy Mother's Day!

2011-05-08T23:14:00.000-05:00

On Feeling Old

2011-05-05T15:29:00.002-05:00

I've been feeling really old recently. It started with me trying to find an outfit to wear to dinner at a trendy restaurant with Tyler's co-workers. I kept finding myself responding to clothing items with phrases my mother would say- "(Gasp!) Who in their right mind would wear that?"

Then I spent a few minutes reprogramming the SiriusXM radio channels in the car after they changed all the station numbers. I realized my top channels are, in order: indie rock, kid's, coffee house (the new generation of smooth jazz), classic alternative ("classic"=old), "first wave" alternative (the first alternative bands), and 90's (it has its own station?!?). I listen to almost all OLDIES! Seriously, who knew programming radio stations could cause a midlife crisis?

To top it off, we've been planning for a couple weeks now to spend today at the zoo with a friend of mine from college and her son. She and I have known each other for over 10 years now. 10 years is now significantly closer to 1/3 my life than 1/2 my life. You see where math gets me...

Feeling old isn't all bad. I'm excessively happy with where my life has taken me and all I've accomplished in my years. I feel a perfect combination of fulfilled and ambitious, content and yet ready to take on the world. I guess what shocks me most about feeling old is wondering how so much time could have passed so quickly.

A perfect example of time passing quickly? Exactly two years ago, I wrote my first ever blog post, complete with a photo of my bitty baby bump at 11 weeks. Looking back, I'm hit first with the amazement of how much I've changed and learned since that day. I feel as though I've grown more in the past two years than in the previous 27 combined.

With all my recent feelings of being old, I keep reminding myself, This is the youngest I'll ever be again. While I say it to try to encourage myself to enjoy today, it doesn't do much to make me feel younger. But when I look at Tye's smile, or run my fingers through her ringlets, or watch her roar at the lions, love washes over me and I know that if this is what getting old means, then by all means, bring it on.

Mama Fail

2011-05-02T21:23:00.000-05:00

Last week, our nature group had a walk scheduled at a beautiful park in Chicago. The walk is about a half mile, so I knew Tye would love tromping through the forest along the wood-chipped path with her friends. With new spring growth finally showing itself, I was really looking forward to the experience.

The day of our nature walk arrived with dark clouds and loads of rain. No problem, I thought, We'll just dress for the weather and make the best of it. It was a great plan until we arrived and I realized I forgot to pack Tye's raincoat. Feeling like the worst mom in the world but unable to scrounge up or even borrow a kid-sized layering piece for her, I did what any ~~good~~ desperate mom would do and made her a waterproof coat. Out of a reusable grocery bag.

At least she loved it.

Exploring Vegetables

2011-04-29T13:59:00.001-05:00

We're in a stage right now in which Tye can chew many foods with her 12 teeth (including 4 molars), but some vegetables remain challenging. For example, raw carrots, which she bites chunks out of and then can't chew the chunks well enough and so they're spit out onto the table; or greens and lettuces, which require a great deal of oral dexterity to manipulate once they're soft and soggy on the tongue. I don't want to hide these vegetables- say, pureed in other foods- because I want Tye to experience the flavors and textures of the vegetables. But now I'm constantly searching for ways to prepare vegetables in a size and shape Tye can handle.

One success we've had is soup, which allows me to cook the vegetables in any size I want. A few favorites recently include:

Cauliflower and Stilton Soup: Though this sounds like a stinky flavor combo, the cauliflower and blue cheese paired beautifully for a buttery, super-rich flavor. Tye ate several helpings, as did Tyler and I! (Unlike the recipe, I skipped pureeing the soup and left it chunky)
Spicy Chard Soup: I used a scissors to chop the chard in Tye's portion into small enough pieces for her to handle, and she loved the broth (I subbed vegetable broth). My favorite part of this soup is being able to add toppings-including hard boiled eggs, lemon Greek yogurt, and pita chips- to each diner's desires, making a unique bowl each time.
Farmshare Soup: Last summer, the evening before our farm share delivery, I would dice up all the remaining vegetables in our crisper bin, then sautee them and add a box of creamy tomato soup. Everything is good in this, from greens to sweet corn to root vegetables. Since tomato soup is Tye's favorite, this always results in a full belly.

Now that warmer weather is arriving, I'm looking to find other recipes for vegetable exploration (even if I'm okay with eating soup year-round, sometimes others prefer a cooler dish). So far this season, we've been experimenting with:

Cinnamon-spiced Chard Pancakes: A new family favorite, these are a great last-minute meal and a fun finger food (you can substitute bread crumbs, saltine cracker crumbs, panko, or almond flour for the matzoh meal)
Vegetable Quiches, like this Broccoli Garlic Quiche, or most often, a combination of recipes since I like to use a variety of vegetables
Fried Rice: I sautee onion, garlic, and ginger in coconut oil, then add whatever diced vegetables I have; add a couple eggs scrambled separately. For as many vegetables as you have, add about an even amount of brown rice cooked in broth. Season with soy sauce. Last night's veggie fried rice included grated carrots, red cabbage, broccoli, beet greens, green onion, and halved grape tomatoes. Tye ate everything but the tomatoes, but she even tasted those several times.

We don't cook a separate meal for Tye, so she has been exposed to a variety of flavors and aromas in our kitchen. She loves some strange foods- like olives, blue cheese, and seaweed- but considering I was eating all of those during my pregnancy and while nursing, perhaps it's not that strange. Tye can also handle spicy foods already, even hotter than either her grandmas, which amazes us. When we're out at a restaurant, Tye's mature palate is helpful because we can feed her from our plates rather than order her a kiddie menu item (I've yet to find a restaurant where this method doesn't work). In a family where eating is an important social event, tasting the same foods as us also allows Tye to participate in the meal. After all, an appreciation for good food doesn't have to wait for a full set of teeth.

An Easter Swing

2011-04-27T06:28:00.001-05:00

An Interview with Tye

2011-04-26T13:24:00.000-05:00

Hosted by Granddad

Happy Easter

2011-04-25T22:50:00.000-05:00

She even smiles when she's asleep!

2011-04-19T12:09:00.000-05:00

Though I think I would be smiling, too, after a three and a half hour long nap...